How Do You Know If Flashbacks During Emdr Are From Real Events?

[Animalliberator]

However - I don't know. And I don't like not knowing. But if it's true, I don't want to be burdened with the memory.

I'm sorry you went through that experience, Macca. Yes, it is frustrating not knowing if these disturbing images are based on real life events. I have to say, during EMDR it certainly felt real. Very real. I was absolutely terrified. I tried to resist seeing the images but my head shot back, my back bent so far backwards it hurt, and then the vocalizations. Creepy vocalizations, as if the voices were coming from the depths of hell way down in my stomach. My voice doesn't sound like that.

The video my wife took of my recently captured the convulsions and voices. We both watched it afterward and she asked, "What the hell was that? Who's voice is that coming out of your mouth?"

 

[Lost Pup]

AL, you mentioned in another thread having grown up in a place that was somewhat fundamentalist Christian, as I recall. Were you around the idea of exorcism et al? I wonder if some of those ideas might be fused with your memories of these traumatic events. To a lesser degree and with different content, that happened to me. It might make sense that a kid's mind would react in the language most familiar to it and exorcism certainly describes something quite terrifying. Just an idea. Discard if not helpful..

 

[Animalliberator]

It sounds to me like the EMDR took you to places you were not even slightly prepared for and in a way that was overwhelming, very intense and re traumatising.

Abstract, thank you for always being so supportive and thoughtful.

I know I went on a rant the other day about my skepticism about therapy. I thought a lot about my reactions to people's posts afterwards. I realize now that I'm actually terrified of therapy, in part due to some of the experiences I've had in hospital, on medications, during talk therapy, and, especially during EMDR. I feel absolutely overwhelmed with fear. So, during talk therapy, for instance, I keep all my emotions in control. I fight like hell to keep it bottled up. I don't want a repeat of what happened during EMDR and what happened recently during one of my attempts to do mindfulness work.

 

[Animalliberator]

Maybe check out this one by Besel Van Der Kolk. I have only scanned it but noticed he does discuss muscles and emotional memory and can vouch that he is extremely smart and well-respected.

Thanks, Lost Pup. I will check out the link.

My apologies, BTW, if I came across as difficult on my other posts. I think many of you were right - I've sabotaged my therapy. But I didn't do so because I don't want help. I think I did so because it frightens me soooo much. That experience I had with EMDR absolutely terrified me. And talk therapy has caused disturbing reactions to. I once vomited into a trash can during a talk therapy session.

 

[Lost Pup]

No problem in the least. Propensity to self sabotage with one's helpers is a very common and entrenched outcome of Trauma. I've done my own fair share of it many time.

I'm sorry the EMDR experience has been so painful and frightening. Good luck.

 

[Animalliberator]

Given how vivid you experience was during EMDR, can I ask why you doubt its veracity? It sounds quite solid and quite tied into a set of deep feelings and reactions. What is it that makes you doubt its reality?

I neither believe nor doubt the veracity of what I experienced in EMDR. I don't know what to make of it. I certainly don't want to give it credibility if it didn't happen because then I would have a horrible memory of an uncle. He's dead now. But I feel like I'd be his judge and jury, convicting him, without a shred of evidence other than what I experienced in EMDR.

 

[Lost Pup]

Something that helped me was remembering that coming to truth about my own experiences was an entirely separate process from deciding who, if anyone, I would like to share any of that awareness with. You may come to realize your uncle molested you. But remember that does NOT have to mean telling anyone about that. It can be hard enough to sort through one's own memories without the added burden of feeling concern for the person in question.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

During one of my EMDR sessions i regressed to the point of actually feeling the door hit me full force in the face. I would have been about the age of two to three years old. For days thereafter I could feel a burning sensation on the left hand side of my face and it felt tender whenever I touched it. EMDR is a very powerful tool in drawing out repressed memories. Human nature makes us lock away the bad hurtful memories for our conscious beings to function.. There will always be subconscious memories and emotions that in my experience during sessions can come to the fore.

Obviously we all have differing opinions and experiences in treatment.

Laurie

 

[Abstract]

. I realize now that I'm actually terrified of therapy, in part due to some of the experiences I've had in hospital, on medications, during talk therapy, and, especially during EMDR. I feel absolutely overwhelmed with fear.

This is what it is all about and it is very mature and brave of you to process what was said and use to give you more clarity about what is happening for you. Not everyone has that capacity. It is totally understandable that you feel these things about therapy. I think taking time to figure out what is going to be safest and thinking it through carefully before taking more big steps is a wise way to go.

I can see why you are fighting like hell to contain things. It might help you to look at what it would mean just in case it was a split off part of your experiencing that comes up in those times. Really it isn't so strange as when we have a flashback we are that child and having those experiences. This is just a more intense form of an experience like that. Splitting is a very inventive and creative solution to impossibly difficult situations. I am not saying that is what is happening as that is up to you to find out but rather that if it was it is not so terribly strange and a normal response to abnormal things.

The way I look at therapy for me is that I have identified the main blocks or things that make it difficult or more for me and I am working on ways to manage these as best as I can.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

The way I look at therapy for me is that I have identified the main blocks or things that make it difficult or more for me and I am working on ways to manage these as best as I can.

Exactly the same for me Abstract Exactly!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Good God I never knew EMDR could be so horrible! It makes my processing look like a walk in the park! (Intensive Trauma Therapy).

PS Lost Pup, Get yourself to ITT. It is NOTHING like EMDR and is structured so that you are pulled out of a bad place at the very first hint of feeling unsafe yet you're able to fully process your trauma.

 

[Lost Pup]

Thanks for the tip Solara. ITT is far outside my price range right now and I need to talk with my T about it anyways. Seems like I've done the majority of my trauma processing with him. There is new core stuff arising and it is challenging but not yet convinced I need too much direct processing work beyond what I am doing with him. Still, on reading all you wrote of it, I wish I had gone five years ago when I most needed it. I was too chicken of feeling stigmatized and so I missed the opportunity to get the help they offer. Glad it was so powerful for you!