Recent content by Bluemoonwillow

When I was little I was actually told that everything that went wrong in the world was my fault. I was told by my parents that I was fat ugly lazy stupid and I would never find someone to love me. I was told by the first person to touch me sexually that if anyone found out nobody would love me...

Thank you so much for posting this!!!! I understand how you feel and the need for the pain. If it is like for me it is so you CAN feel something, pain is better than being numb. When we want pain for comfort it has to be a pain we are familiar with so we go back to our most traumatic experience...

@Lifalif I totally understand where you are coming from. I was told I may have PTSD years ago, I stopped seeing the therapist who told me that. I have been struggling on my own. One day recently I decided to research PTSD and stumbled in here. It helps because I know people can relate, but it...

@HollyBeans27 I do not have a therapist at this time. I finally got up and did some cleaning, it helped for now.

So I am laying on my bed enjoying some music which normally relaxes me and helps me fall asleep, got to drifting off. All of a sudden a huge wave of anger hits me I am shaking and crying, it feels like someone is hitting me. I know this isn't happening right now I know it is over and done with...

not sure what this counts as. I was cooking for someone this morning. I am not sure what happened but the next thing I knew I had the knife Inwas cutting sausage with up to my throat. When I realized it I was scared. Didn't remember doing it, I only know it happened. I am not aware of any...

I know rules in different areas may be different, but unless otherwise stated ther is no expectation of confidentiality with a church bible study. There is with a lawyer, a priest, few other exceptions I cannot remember. Legally as far as I can figure you did nothing wrong. If the church had...

I remember when I was little I watched the news with mom and dad and I remember there was a little girl kidnapped and something about her nightgown. What I took away from that is if I wore a nightgown only I would be kidnapped, and HAD to wear pants or shorts under it, still do as a matter of...

I would start by asking to see a guidance counselor at your school, they can usually help you to decide if you need to seek additional outside resources or not. Also I know as a teen or young adult it is very hard to talk to your parents openly ( I am 38 and still don't). But I think you need to...

I think that is part of the problems I have been having since being back in Nevada. My brother acts like the growing up was no big deal, and he talks about stuff that I am horrified at like it was a game. I know part of this may be self defense mechanism, minimalizing the effects by minimalizing...

i have been having a hard time lately. Since I started being intimate I have always had to take either REALLY hot showers after or Ice cold showers I know why that is and I accept that. But lately even when I am not intimate with someone, even just hanging out with the guys (which I have always...

To finish sorry hit the wrong button. My father would have been a writer, or an architect. He was writing a story once and I didn't know he was so eloquent. Of course if they hadn't gone through their brand of crap, they probably would never have met and gotten together, so then I wouldn't be...

My father is a Vietnam vet, prone to horrible flashbacks that he acts out violently and doesn't remember. Made worse when he has been drinking hard alcohol. I have often wondered what he would have been like if he hadn't gone. My mother came from a household where grandma was regularly admitted...

Physically, I have a huge weight problem, I actually don't eat for days then when I do it is all junk food, I get physically ill whenever I think of my abuse or abuser, I even have a hard time reading some of the posts because they are a bit triggering and I have to find ways to keep myself...

My brother and I both grew up in the same house, we were both either part of abuse or witnessed abuse. My brother was many times beaten by my dad, my mom would hold me back so I couldn't interfere, and afterwards I wasn't allowed to go to him to help him. I was seldom beaten, but I did...