Not Everything Is A Nail Just Because They Have A Hammer, Right?

[Justmehere]

Today in therapy, my therapist asked what my previous trauma therapist asked when I talked of certain events as a child. "Were you sexually abused?"

I told her, "not that I know of."

I told her about being 7 years old and needing stitches in my chin from a normal childhood accident when trying to ride a skateboard on my stomach at a friends house. In the ER, when had to lie on my back so the doctor could stitch up my chin, I freaked out. I remember crying out that my pants were going to fall down and being very concerned about that. Crying. Diving snd begging to pull my pants up. My pants were not falling down and I have no idea why I was so concerned about that. I remember it took two nurses and my mother to hold me down, one of them sitting on my legs. while my mother keep trying to convince me my pants were not falling down.

All they wanted was for me to lie on my back so the doctor could put stitches in my chin. My chin. Not my leg or anywhere else.

I have no memory of ever being sexually abused. Maybe it's possible I was. Could there be another rational logical explaination for this behavior in the ER?

There were other strange incidents, but I don't have any explaination for them other than thinking I was a slightly weird kid, already stressed out over physical abuse at home.

I remember my childhood pretty well, at least there are no significant gaps that I know of.

Today, as my therapist and I tried to process the chin injury with a irk of somatic experiencing, I began to feel the old feelings of freaking out about my walst. I turned bright red and shivered and my therapist talked me through all the feelings that came up.

Is there another rational explanation besides the possibility of sexual abuse? I want to becareful to not turn everything into a nail because all I have is a hammer, and not see everything as trauma related just because that's what my therapist and I understand the best.

If I was sexually abused, I'm not sure I want to know or not.

I really want to know what other possible explaination a there could be for this weird incident in the ER.

Since the session today, I have been feeling like crap. I'm having to work really hard to keep my self hate under control and I'm really tearful. I feel so small. Yeah, my therapist knows and says to work on good self care. My sense of shame is so strong, I want to do anything but kind things for myself. I don't even know why I feel ashamed.

 

[Friday]

Is there another rational explanation besides the possibility of sexual abuse

Yep. Hundreds. Children's minds make all kinds of connections. To adult minds, those connections are often reeeally strange, but part of working with kids means sorting out how they're linking 1+1=72. A common one seen in pediatric ERs, for example, is the idea that if you take your clothes off? You'll have a needle shoved in your arm (IV). Truth is, we can pop an IV in with a kid fully dressed, no worries, and not all children in gowns have IVs. The frog like hopping of a child's mind, though? Will do some amaaaazing cartwheels off the ceiling.

Gown = IV = Pain = trouble = parents angry = I'm in a strange place, in trouble, in pain with my parents angry & they're gonna leave me here!!! Nooooooooo! I'm not taking my pants off! I'll be an orphan! OMG! They're falling off! No no no no no no no! LOL.

^^^ Equals only one of hundreds of possibilities. Others I've seen a lot are underwear on backwards, underwear on inside out, no underwear, wet pants from earlier, drew on self with sharpie (not allowed, was counting on bath time to hide evidence), has forbidden cookie in pocket, has treasures in pocket, needs to potty, fear of clothing theft, fear of scratchy tags, fear of bedtime, fear of showing private parts (they're private / no one but mommy or daddy!), fear of doing the wrong thing (will you take your pants off too, so I'm not the only one?... This one I've cheated and gotten a teddy to put on a gown, so they can both be in gowns together, I need my pants!), doesn't transition easily... List. Goes. On. One of those possibilities? Is sexual abuse. But it's only one possibility amongst literally hundreds.

 

[Justmehere]

Thank you so much @FridayJones! I think that's exactly what I needed to read. It helps to know that other kids have freaked out with medical care in all kinds of ways. Ah, the magical thinking of a child...

Good idea to have the teddy bear wear the gown. ;)

Sexual abuse is a possibility, and it seems easier to believe it's one of many possibilities to keep in mind.

 

[Bluemoonwillow]

I remember when I was little I watched the news with mom and dad and I remember there was a little girl kidnapped and something about her nightgown. What I took away from that is if I wore a nightgown only I would be kidnapped, and HAD to wear pants or shorts under it, still do as a matter of fact. I also remember my mom beating for my shirt coming up I became afraid if my shirt came above the waist of my pants. It could be an association thing.

 

[scout86]

I was going to say about what @FridayJones said. (But wouldn't have said it that well.) I was sexually abused when I was little, but only have pieces of memories. I also hate doctors, but the abuser wasn't a doc. I have bits and pieces of "weird stuff", like you're talking about. I try, hard, not to over think it. Memory is kind of a fluid thing. It's easy to add on to memories, if you're looking too hard for an explanation. So, I try to just let this stuff be what it is. Curious, but not clearly defined, I guess. And, it's possible that other pieces to the puzzle will show up.

If I was sexually abused, I'm not sure I want to know or not.

It's nothing but a "thing", If it happened, it's over and you made it through that too. Whether you know or not won't change who you are or what you deal with every day.

One of my "weird things" is "It's not safe to sleep on your back." It's a big deal and I have no idea why. Yes, I can IMAGINE reasons why, but I have no memories to base any theories on. But there's NO WAY I'm going to lay on my back in a doc's office! :confused:

They were sitting on the legs of a 7 YO? On the table? A small but athletic nurse? (Not questioning the memory as much as wondering about this detail.)

 

[AlmostFellForIt]

Today in therapy, my therapist asked what my previous trauma therapist asked when I talked of certain...

The title of your post caught my eye, I've recently posted another discussion where I've talked of something similar. It's an interesting point you raise, and almost impossible to know. I approached a trauma therapist who specialised in CBT and developmental trauma including the treatment of anxiety/depression. Something in me obviously made me seek that person out, probably some bias of my own in that I believed my upbringing was related (as it so often is) anyhow, getting to my point....

Within one session and two very short questionnaires I was diagnosed with cPTSD , developmental trauma, whatever you want to call it.... Even though I presented with what you'd probably classify as GAD /SAD.... I can't help but wonder if I went to a therapist that specialised in GAD/SAD then the would have said , "Oh.. You have a generalised and social anxiety disorder".

I once read a statement that said, "If cPTSD was allowed in the DSM it's size would reduce to that of a pamphlet"... Let's be frank, who doesn't classify for developmental trauma in some regard... I fell off the monkey bars when I was 6 and got laughed at... Is this the reason I have a fear of gymnasiums....(I made that up by the way). Forgive me for appearing cynical but there's no end to what 'could' be linked up, as you stated, not everything is a nail... Fire is not smoke and smoke is not fire...regardless of how often the two go together...I don't see smoke and assume fire, or vice versa.. The world and the people in it are not that simple.

I went to a therapist whose speciality (hammer) was developmental trauma who made the diagnosis of cPTSD (nail). Should I be surprised, probably not. I'm thinking through my next move carefully as it astounded me that I was put into the cPTSD bucket with very very little assessment.I Believe firmly that our judgement and gut feel is important and the answers are already within. Ensure your therapist helps you get to an outcome.. Not just throws darts until they hit a bulls eye.