Recent content by Catlovers141

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    Childhood Equating sex/romance with violence (SA survivors)

    I am a survivor of CSA from when I was a young child (under five years old). My only sexual experiences are from that abuse. I believe this has led me to have a really hard time understanding on an emotional level how sexual and romantic interactions can be separate from violence. I can sort...
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    Abuser is dying

    Thank you for sharing your experience. I am also sorry for what you went through, and for what you've experienced recently. The trauma is difficult in itself to go through, but adding on conflicting feelings can make it feel more complicated. It can be so hard to see abusers as people, and...
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    Abuser is dying

    Thank you for your response. I definitely would want an apology. I'd actually really like just an acknowledgement that it happened, and part of me also wants some gaps in my memory filled in, but I'm not so sure that having more details about what happened would really be helpful. But in some...
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    Abuser is dying

    Content note: Childhood sexual abuse (though no details given in this post). I was sexually abused as a very little child by a family member whom I recently found out has been having ongoing health crises and is likely to not survive for very much longer. This has brought up a lot for me both...
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    How to feel safe

    The one that Friday mentioned above.
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    How to feel safe

    I don't think I've ever heard of that technique before! I wonder how that works?
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    How to feel safe

    Thank you for your response. I think that is sometimes the difficulty -- it is helpful to know where it comes from (I also feel like I know where mine comes from), but the uncertainty and inability to have complete control over your own safety has been something I haven't really found a...
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    How to feel safe

    I've always struggled a lot with feeling safe, and with the uncertainty that comes with living. It is hard to live with the fact that no matter what you do, you can't 100% guarantee your own safety or that the trauma will not happen again. This has led me to add more and more locks and...
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    emotions related to STD testing

    For those who have been sexually abused, especially those who had repressed it, how do you feel about the need for STD testing? It makes me sad. Up until several years ago I thought I knew my sexual history. Now I don't and I will forever have to give that answer. This isn't something that...
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    Horror Movies and PTSD

    I don't personally like horror movies, but it seems common for PTSD survivors to experience this. I've known several who love horror movies.
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    Love and Sex

    I'm a child sexual abuse survivor, and have some difficulty understanding how sex can be loving. I understand how it can be consensual, but how does it express love? It feels very confusing, because sex is separate from love yet somehow connected to it? Like hookups exist but sex is also...
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    Sexual attraction (contains sexual content, though not explicit)

    This is something I have been struggling to understand and that you touched on in your post: if sex is about communicating affection, what explains hook-ups? This whole topic feels very complicated to me and I've been trying to wrap my head around it for some time.
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    Avoiding sex and romantic relationships

    Thanks for this. A lot of what you said above really resonates with me. I also tend to read male attention as being scary, even if I know the person means no harm. And I also want a relationship in theory but run away at even the slightest bit of attention. It's tough. Thanks for this; I...
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    Avoiding sex and romantic relationships

    I asked my therapist about this a little bit today and she shared something I wanted to add to the conversation here, because it was helpful to me and may be helpful to others reading and posting. She said that in order to feel attraction, you need to feel safe. So if you're someone like me...
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    Was my therapist now my best friend

    Your therapist should not have done this. Your reactions are normal given what your therapist did. It sounds nice, but it really can mess with your mind, whether that intention is there or not. There are a lot of ethical concerns related to your therapist's behavior.