Recent content by HollowLavender

I signed a lease to live with one person in a 3 bedroom house and our work schedules are opposites so hopefully I'll be alone more. I try to relax and meditate and stuff but it never works I just end up making lists of stuff that needs done or fixating on arguments or stuff like that. I've tried...

Thank you I'm trying to ground and splash water on myface it's hhelpp ing a little. I'm deep breathing and trying to smell nice things which is hard in a gas station lloollk

I am currently at work and things were going okay but I realized my birthday is in less than a month. For context about 9 or so months ago I got high with a friend and a bunch of represented memories of child sa resurfaced and I have been trying to deal with it but it's really fuzzy on a lot of...

I Time is a luxury I can't afford. A little more trauma is worth being away from people I can't stand them no one can be trusted. I'm irrelevant I just need to be successful then I'll feel better then I won't need people and no one would be able to hurt me.

I know what I'm good at and what I'm meant form idk how to challenge the thoughts I've been taught to believe that since ten. If I don't do this I won't be able to get my own place. I just want an apartment and a dog

I thought about it but all the days I'm off at my work I'm "entertaining" gentlemen for money. Because it's the only way I can make enough to escape the living situation I'm in. By the end I'm exhausted and sleep all the time

I wish I could have a dog they always clear my head but all the apartments in my budget won't allow them. Its just hard being surrounded by people when all I want is to be alone or with something quiet or non judgemental. I miss that look in dogs eyes when they see you and their full of love and...

How are you supposed to coop when people have pushed you to the point that nothing else works? I try the breathing and CBT and DBT stuff and it doesn't work. People make me so frustrated and mad and I can't just snap at them because then I'm the bitch so I keep my mouth shut and then it builds...

I have always been told I'm creative and people asked about my drawings and the world's I created and I always thought that was normal but apparently it's not? I can spend hours or days imagining them and vividly coming up with every detail. I've written histories for imaginary worlds because...

But I don't have anything I can control. My insurance lapped so I can't go to tharpey, my job doesn't respond to my emails or calls after medical leave due to a attempt and my "friend" who let me stay with her doesn't listen to anything I say when I have issues. We live in a one bedroom house...

I don't understand what to do tho. I can't stand people anymore and I've decided I'm not going to pursue any "meaningful" relationships anymore but I have to learn to interact with them to find a job or something. I'm tired of people making false promises and honey words that lead to nothing but...

But compassion leads to stagnation. If you don't hold yourself accountable and strive to be better at your role your failing anyway? If you lax your expectations people including yourself take advantage of it. I don't understand.

I snap at others and get mad and what is common sense to me is apparently expecting perfection from others and I don't understand. When I'm depressed I apologize and acknowledge my inferiorities but then they get mad and when I'm upset I'm condescending or being bitchy. Im a bad person because...

I'm a bad person. I'm broken and selfish and a mistake that never got erased

I don't understand how you can feel that way? Everyone I've ever met has been in it for something. People are judgmental and cruel they don't want to help anyone but themselves that's why they degrade anyone who's different and broken? How can you say theirs grays when it's never been seen in my...