Recent content by InsertCoinsHere

I feel there’s no escape this time of year, 24/7 emotional flashback. Abandonment depression is hitting hard and I’m beginning to flag. Last night I couldn’t move my body, talk or open my eyes, I was conscious but unable to respond to my partner. I felt very small like a child, I’m not even...

My T gave me a trauma book to read in my own time... Anytime I open the book and try to read it I feel overwhelming agitation, frustration and anger... I have to stop reading, self soothing does little, I end up getting emotionally overwhelmed to the point of suppressing boiling rage. I feel...

It appears that I may have experienced preverbal Trauma, whilst doing EMDR I make somatic motor patterns that replay the potential abuse. I can’t speak, I have no thoughts or images but the sounds I make sound like what an infant would make in distress. I’m left with the impression I was abused...

@berlinda You’ve offered me so many wise words whilst being on this forum I really appreciate what you have said to me in the past, it’s helped me find some peace in difficult times. Thank you your significane is valued. I can empathise how you feel about wanting people but fearing them, I...

I feel so stressed and shame filled by the fact I’m not working. I feel the bar is set so high... ‘be a part-time marketer’ people recommend (my degree is in it and I’d like it) yet I can barely form a coherent sentence. I really dislike this disorder, I truly dislike its affect on cognitive...

Imagination and fantasy can also play a part in EMDR. They can arise out of repressed emotions. The mind does it best to fill in gaps and provide symbolic imagery. EMDR is a great tool, I would simply ‘go with it’ and remain open yet notice what occurs, healing is the key not recovery of...

@Friday Thank you, that’s so helpful for me to hear of how sexuality isn’t such an issue... to hear how normalised it is for others reassures me that I can heal this and that I don’t have to hold this toxic shame in secret. @somerandomguy Very true, a professional that works particularly with...

I had a good direct conversation today with my T, we spoke about how she has noticed (as have I tbh) that ‘arousal’ is getting in the way of treatment. I consciously suppress the emotions or avoid the feelings as soon they manifest, I therefore remain frozen and looping. The traumatic memories...

Thanks that looks like a book that touches on the subject. I also found it described as kinaesthetic instrusions, apperently happens with dissociated away memories. Interesting.

I’ve been doing EMDR for a while now and I seem to be working on a part that concerns my neck. Each time I do the EMDR my neck plays out a pattern and I sort of go with it. I have no obvious memories of what this pattern is speaking but it is concerning. Anyway the main point is that I have...

I feel I can empathise, when I out walking around I feel I’m the centre of attention (not in a narcissistic way) but as in a hyper vigilant way, I feel so on edge within an overwhelming mix of anxiety, defence mechanisms, beliefs, stress... This causes high hyper vigilance which looks like...

This is a tricky one isn’t it when you haven’t had secure attachments growing up... From my perspective trust is a commodity, it has value and that value goes up or down depending on the transactions between individuals. I’ve found a few things out that help guide me: 1) I cannot trust...

I suggest lots of self care and stick to a routine. Try to remain engaged in adult life but most of all patience and compassion.

@Wendell_R That’s very useful info thanks. @Skywatcher Sounds like a very useful technique to gain a sense of control and desensitisation, I’ll bring it to my T. Earliest trauma memory is difficult to pinpoint but I do have an 100% explicit true memory that we work on. I don’t know about you...

Interesting maybe I’m working on too much of a generalised section and need to narrow it down into segments, that’s something I’ll discuss with my T. Yes I use the positive wise, protective and compassionate figure but not with all memories, I also use these figures before bed to help reduce...