Recent content by Mallaky

Shame. There is no end to mine. It is suffocating me. There is no attempt at happiness, no hope for healing that does not get smothered by it. There is only shame and its louder, more obvious cousin - guilt. I haven't come here for a long time. I am too ashamed. I know I don't belong here. My...

Thank you @Cashew! For your kind words and your great, great idea. When hubby comes home I will sit down with him, and we will talk about all the many concerts he went to, how afraid I was some of the time, and how it always went down. That is exactly the thing I was looking for. Will update...

What kind of excercises are that? @Cashew I always have a hard time fighting my irrational fears with rationanility. If that would work, they'd be rational fears ,no? I am fully aware I am being "hysteric" but its getting worse and worse even though I know it makes no sense. :(

Its really hard not getting used to being hated. My grandmother, who raised me and I only came out after her death, would be very happy about that terror act. She liked to tell me how Hitler burned the gays and how she wished that never stopped. Jews were not SOOoo bad, she said, but gays? Burn...

He falling and people trampling on bis back and shattering it. Thats the most recurring intrusive thought. Does a good job stopping me from sleeping. Just pops up, a horrible mini movie, on replay in my head. He has broken his back in a swimming accident once, its all okay now, but, well...

Hello, I could really use some advice. So, my partner is going to travel to a heavy metall, rock n roll event in vienna one week from now, its a birthday gift, and I am getting unspeakably anxious about it. Intrusive thoughts, nightmares, flashbacks to learning people have died, the works. My...

"only 20 minutes of action" That is such a telling phrase, wow. He phrased it the way a fratboy would talk about sex. "Jo man, totally gonna get some action today." He used this phrase to talk about the rape his son committed. I think that is not just a father protecting his son @EveHarrington...

Is this all happening in a safe way, or are you guys on the way to traumatizing and screwing up your kid? If you cannot answer this, you should consider getting a professional opinion or two, asap. The future of your child, and the oh so terrible dangers of "sissyphying" him, is more important...

Here is a letter that a female friend of the rapist sent to the judge. It's quite .... something. Because you see, his rape was not rape-rape, it was just rape. So he really should be cut some slack. It seems the dude is surrounded by people thinking he can do no wrong...

Indeed. Thats why I wondered if my penchant for dissociation could play a role. First I made this thread, which I then showed to my partner, whom I did not tell before how I felt. We had a good talk about this. I have also started to draw, when I would normally surf. These first 2 days it seems...

Completely agree. I never cared for Ghostbusters, but by God I hope the new one is gonna be good. I hate to see all those people go "TOLD YA SO!" Eugh. And that "You are ruining my childhood!" nonsense, you saw that too? I find that line really telling. They are scared to death that something...

Thank you guys so much. Amazing people you are. I have decided to pick up a new hobby. I always wanted to learn how to draw, and this is what I am starting to learn now. If I only cut down my surfing time 50% and put that time into drawing, I will be friggin Picasso end of year. I have also...

Hello. So, I am very ashamed having to admit this :sorry: but I think I have a problem. I waste way, way too much time in the internet and is has become an issue. I can just lose hours and hours at a time, not doing anything usefull at all. Not learning anything, no quality entertainment or...

I can relate. What do I do? Hmm. I try to understand the wish. For example, today I watched a show with a scientist character in it. I wanted to be a scientist for many years, until I realized I can't. Not with my learning disability. But what I can do is figure out what that character had...

@gizmo Totally right. Does the bad behavior of people have a impact on you too? Sometimes I feel like a big bad baby having such a thin skin. :( @EveHarrington Agreed. Maybe we have always been such a culture, at least on the level the internet is operating on, just now its more easy to notice...