Recent content by Maou

[video] Definitely not for the feint of heart, trigger warning.

Yeah, I am in therapy. I figured it was just a lack of properly communicating on my part. I am rather new to this whole thing, as I only got diagnosed a few weeks ago. I thought I had bipolar for a while. So sorry if my understanding isnt proper. Anyways, the reason why I get prolong periods of...

These are called hypnagogic hallucinations. Essentially you enter REM before your body turns off. Like reverse sleep paralysis. They can be very similar to flashbacks, but like dreams the images rarely have meaning. The mind might take texture of a wall and turn it into a spider. I have...

Driving is a huge one for me. I got some insane road rage, but the ones that piss me off the most are those who do not use signals and slow down suddenly, or do not get into the turning lane till the last second. People who throw things at me, to "catch" them without warning. This immediately...

Uh, idk but this is what I was talking about that I pulled off google. I am not very good at describing or explaining things. Pete Walker, M.A. Psychotherapy

Its not a flash back in the traditional sense. Its an emotional one. I got cptsd. The anger can last for hours over nothing.

I watched, and observed others whose I admired. Then chose to become them. I cherry picked and adopted traites and practiced them. To build a self. The problem is, I did it more than once.

Nervousness because new forum.

Irrational anger, or they do not notice. The number one thing people notice about me, is my sudden snapping about things. Or I get in the "mood" that is pretty much a cycle of perfectionism and anger at everyone for not doing it right.

I actually like movies that make me break down. No idea why. Some movies like Barefoot gen, or Plague dogs. They make me feel, when I cannot.

I am lucky I work a job that I can walk away, and ruminate in peace. If I get pressured though, or someone is even remotely annoying or demanding. I will lose my shit at them. I normally tend to disassociate the moment things become difficult though. Even when I do not want to. Intensity just...

People kinda banned me from talking about my past, which was kinda rude and made me feel disheartened. Then I just learned to joke about it, without going into detail. Then again, I never went into detail to begin with. I just dead panned told people what happened, or laughed about some horrible...

I think it can most definitely. I currently identify as asexual. Not because I have never tried to have sex, but because the act itself is highly distressing to me. I have such severe trust issues, that I cannot fully open up to people. Its like I am on the other side of a thick, transparent...

Zoloft takes away my severe irritability, perfectionism, and anxiety about things. On the downside, it f*cks with my memory, and ability to focus and sleep. I do know however, that it is much better than I was before. Which was very similar to borderline personality disorder/bipolar.

Ah yes, the "beast inside" I think is far more normal than you think. Most people just do not realize it. I think those with trauma are more likely to be attuned to their instincts, than others. Animals, and humans, are not "polite" things. I do not think it is anything to be ashamed of. We do...