Recent content by skeenr

First off, let me describe my living conditions: I am 21 years old living in a two bedroom apartment with my 19 year old girlfriend and our 19 year old roommate. My ptsd was onset by my step-dad emotionally abusing me and hovering over me all the time causing paranoia. Last night my roommate's...

It's only 9:30 pm. Here. See you around.

That would be nice if I had someone to go with? Like my girlfriend doesn't do spontaneity, but I only get bursts of sudden inspiration to do things like that, and I usually get shut down when I try to get her to tag along.

It's kinda complicated. I have ptsd, and anxiety disorder, and dysthymia. So I am nervous to do things, then when I do I don't get the normal level of enjoyment out of them. Then that adds to my anxiety to try new things in the first place. Then my girlfriend and I argue about me not doing...

I didn't mean you were being pressuring. It is just hard to function at school home and work like nothing is wrong when I have to try to be happy and join in on activities and stuff. I am so easily dissuaded from activities when other people are having fun. Forgive my typos I am on a smart phone.

I feel extremely pressured Into healing. Between my lack of motivation for school and the strain this is putting on my relationship, my life it falling apart around me and I can't keep up.

Well, I mean I am trying to talk on here as things come up. It is just hard to collect my thoughts coherently so that I say what I need to.

Well that's just it. In my current position I have no medical insurance, am in college, and have a minimum wage job that only gives me 16 hours a week. On top of all that I am in one of the state's that refused to expand medicare to include college students. So I can't afford any help that's not...

Basically. And desperation is an easy feeling to sink into.

You see though I have an anxiety disorder on top of the ptsd and that makes me more paranoid. Making me think when an argument is happening that I am cornered and that I have to lash out. So most of the arguments are less about the I there person and more about how I react to them.

An argument triggered me earlier. Though we ended up with a good note I still cannot calm down. My energy levels are crashing and yet my mind is racing. I can't stop thinking about the argument and things I want to say to make it better but I can't. I keep worrying about whether or not my...

It doesn't stop me from feeling belittled. But it makes me want to fight back even when I am getting virtually no resistance in the first place.

It has made me view any conflict with people like I am sitting being talked down to again by him. But other people give when I strike back like I couldn't do with him. So I get triggered then get some feeling of power over others and exploit it.

Well my ptsd is caused by emotional abuse from my step father. For years he would sit me down and berate me about everything I did wrong so now I get extremely triggered by any conflict with other people.

Sometimes it is sometimes it isn't. It is usually coupled with a crippling feeling of being cornered that increases my aggression.