Recent content by soulsearcher

@darrenS Thank you! I am trying my best to keep the positives going in my recovery.

I think I have finally made a breakthrough with my fear of trusting anyone. I have been having a rough go for the past several months. But a dream I had enlightened me just a little and it feels ok now. My dream was about my new T and I blindfolded her to take her to "the house of horrors" where...

I can't help but feel if I pull away then it will hurt my kids, not seeing their grandparents aunts, uncles, and cousins. I won't let them go alone either because I want to protect them just in case. I have an appointment will my therapist on Wednesday, I don't know how to explain to her about...

Not sure what you mean by safe place. I am at a friends. Everyone is past out, I am the only one still awake.

Hello Friends hope yous are all doing well. I have stayed away for a little while because I have been struggling terribly. Depression and Anxiety are through the roof. In the past weeks I have had to endure being around 3 of my abusers and try to be Merry for my kids. Christmas at my parents I...

I agree with the others, you need to find more supports. In my own healing journey I was too dependant on my last therapist and now I pay for it because she has moved away. I feel very alone. I have a new T but it's not the same, trust is a big issue for me, and I don't want to hurt again from...

@intothelight I think this is a great thread! I, myself, struggle with my choices but my end goal is to not let the PTSD consume my life. One thing I do struggle with is when I slip or make a not wise choice, is not to beat myself up for it and listen to those not nice inner voices. Thank you...

@J_trustno1 not only is it a big struggle, it is a daily struggle! @Laurie McLaughlin thank you for the idea of the balloons I plan on trying that. Well I said goodbye to my t for the last time yesterday, since then I have been an emotional wreck. Tried to go to work today, lasted two hours...

For the past couple of weeks I have felt emotionally and physically numb. I think it has to do with this week being my last appointment with my t before she leaves her practice and the country for good. My t has set me up with another trauma therapist, but I just don't know if I can start over...

Sorry to hear of your struggles with your T. I know I have had many struggles with mine. When this happens I write the T a letter and put all my feelings out there, to help relieve the pain, before I go for my next appointment I reread my letter and if the pain is still there I address those...

Thank you all for your replies! I am taking sleeping pills but they don't help the nightmares. I haven't tried a dream journal but I think it's a great idea and I will use. I see my T tomorrow, hopefully I will be able to talk about it without disassociating. @GWhizz. You talk about coping...

I am hoping you can help shed some light on this as it is getting worse. For the past couple of weeks I have been reliving a specific day of abuse. The only difference is that I am watching it from up above but can feel everything that is happening to me. I wake up crying, uncontrollable...

Unconditional Love! The ones that were to love me unconditioally have abused this power on me, each taking a part of my soul. I don't know if I will ever know what unconditional love ever feels like since I am unable to trust.

I have the same trouble, I can not seem to make eye contact with a lot of people. To me it feels that they can then see the 'inner me' and that is a dark, bad place that I don't want people to see. I told my T this and she says it's ok, when our conversations get deep she will ask if I am still...

Thank you for your responses. I copied and pasted this post for my t today, I was literally shaking and crying as I did it, worried what is going to happen next. Just my luck I find out that she was not working today! I am going to try my best not to worry about it over the weekend, but hey...