Recent content by z3phyr

  1. Z

    Balancing Desire and Realistic Expectations in a Relationship

    Thank you so much for this. I think one main thing I just needed to hear was that I'm not the only one who's ever felt this way or struggled with these issues. And not only that but that it doesnt stay this confusing and turbulent forever. I think I'm just finally approaching some kind of state...
  2. Z

    Balancing Desire and Realistic Expectations in a Relationship

    I forgot to say that the reason why I'm thinking so much about my own relationship with sex is because I'm unsure whether I'm ready or not to do sexual things again w my girlfriend. I've talked w her about it and I think testing the waters with elements of sex (sensual touch, roleplay, dirty...
  3. Z

    Balancing Desire and Realistic Expectations in a Relationship

    Iet me start this by asserting that i'm a person who is often very overly hypervigilant about metacognition, and that OCD really doesn't help (lots of 'checking' whether I'm thinking about something 'correctly'). I'm putting this here just because my checking has been pretty active lately and...
  4. Z

    coming home makes me stuck in the past.

    im in distress right now. Im a college student who's home for summer and immediately upon coming home I feel more vulnerable and on edge. Its gotten better than its been in the past. But i still feel very vigillant. The problem is my brother. But the problem is really me and my stuck perception...
  5. Z

    A new (new new) start. Zephyr's diary

    thank you so much for this reply. you dont need to apologize for going on, i really connect best with other people by sharing experiences. I wanna reply to some of the things youve pointed out and go through them in order 1. I have absolutely no clue if my brother was sexually abused before he...
  6. Z

    A new (new new) start. Zephyr's diary

    sex has been on the forefront of my mind all week. It sucks. texted my T this week hoping to meet soon-- we've been calling since im on campus. Ugh. I think i just need to go back and explain it all over again to myself. Need to vent about the complexities of this. The sexual encounters I had...
  7. Z

    A new (new new) start. Zephyr's diary

    I already have a journal of mine that I've started recently for my memory that I try to write in at least once a week and I have a private instagram for me and my close friends where I can share things on my mind or have a place to vent but I feel like I want to clear a space here. I like having...
  8. Z

    Childhood Struggling with intimacy due to incestual COCSA, family childhood trauma

    thank you for your reply. I need to rant more about this feeling so I hope you dont mind me using this response to do so. It feels hard to just let the thoughts pass because it feels like im "giving in" to it. If a thought about my traumatic experiences comes to mind when im...
  9. Z

    Sexual trauma response?

    youre not crazy for this-- in fact ive been feeling crazy lately for the same reasons. (for backround) I was coerced into doing things when I was 10 and ever since ive started opening up about in therapy and working through the feelings ive repressed, the more the visuals of what happened come...
  10. Z

    State dependent body memories

    Ive been feeling the same/a similar type of way. the more i open up about the past the more i discover.. which means letting out all the pressure kept inside me but a lot of rough and painful shit to drudge through. Dont have much to say besides anecdotal experiences from my own life. One...
  11. Z

    Childhood Struggling with intimacy due to incestual COCSA, family childhood trauma

    I just made an account on here because i need to get this off my chest in a place like this. Mostly cause i dont know the next time i can meet with my therapist and i want to know what other people who have been thru similar things think. From ages of 10-11 i engaged in sexual behavior with my...
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