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The last two days I have been riding dirt bikes all day out in the desert with a friend. I am surprised I am not more tired, it was a workout both days.

I do it particularly when I feel like shit. It lifts me out of the abyss.

I really lost it today with an A-hole. I just had the floors redone in my home and I am buying a lot of new furniture. Yesterday and today were supposed to be delivery days. Only one of the scheduled deliveries happened yesterday while I waited all day for no shows. At 6:00am this morning I...

Here is the Southwest restaurants give you salsa with breakfast, it is great on eggs with our without tortillas.

It is hard to feel good about yourself if you are living in a self induced S hole. Also there is a value in ritual and house keeping is a bit of a ritual. Every moment you are doing it you are telling yourself you are worthy of decent living conditions. There is a sense of accomplishment even...

I get this. I have always felt like I was from a different planet. I am currently waiting for a full psychological evaluation particularly looking at autism, cptsd and prolonged narcissistic abuse. The last one has come up in therapy and I really never thought of it until it was pointed out.

I did an hour and ten minute bike ride this morning. I wasn’t feeling well and I thought the ride would snap me out of it but it didn’t. I wasn’t feeling well just plain weak. That is what I get for taking 5 weeks off the bike. I also did an hour of restorative yoga with my trainer...

2HR 40MIN bicycle ride.

BICYCLE RIDE

Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I have gone completely no contact with my family. It is painful during the holidays so I am planning things with friends. I was in Africa over the thanksgiving holiday. I will be in California with my girlfriend for Christmas and new years. It is painful but less painful than dealing with...

I used to have to leave like that. I can’t explain it well but it was an overwhelming compulsion to get some solitude. It had nothing to do with anger with my family, I was just overwhelmed. Zoloft and Buspirone really helped. I take a sub therapeutic dose of Zoloft and it mad my frustration...

Festive

Looks like my decorating.

I take a sub therapeutic dose of Zoloft that immediately removed my frustration. I also take buspirone. Between the two it has removed 90% of my frustration and my swearing stopped immediately. Your regular doc can prescribe. I was resistant to the medication idea and I am glad I gave it a...

This will probably sound a little crazy but I found it helpful. We flew back from South Africa yesterday, it was a long long flight. We were pretty brain dead and exhausted. We went to bed at 9:00 and were wide awake at 3:00. This morning my friend says we should do some ketamine so we did...

I think you and I are inn the same boat in many ways. I have been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I did some CBT on always seeing things in the worst light. It really helped, at least I realize I am doing it and I try to steer my way back to a more rational path.

From yesterday and this morning.

Baby zebras everywhere.

I saw this guy this morning.

I was able to hold a lion kittens about 3 months old. Super cute. It knew how to hiss and is working on its roar. Surprisingly, it really smelled. Not as tidy as a house cat.

Looking east from our porch at sunset.

Me too. Here I am 70 years old and still dealing with it.

We had breakfast out in the bush and came across this guy.

A new born genet kitten found in one of the bungalows. Mom nowhere in sight.