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My meds kicked in but like...I'm just not meant to date. They see me as a friend, they keep calling me their friend and I thought it didn't bother me but it does. Like people always do. and I thought I was okay with that but it's devastating me.

thank you @jamesr83 !! I have multiple pelvic injuries that are hard to deal with when exercising. I LOVE foam rollers and using a tennis ball to release my hips. I've been pushing past it for the most part. I did start doing Hatha yoga at my friend's suggestion, just for 10-20 minutes in the...

@joeylittle I’m working with a therapist fortunately!! Everything in my life is chaotic right now I think it’s hard to get a hold on my mind

would it be black and white thinking? I'm not sure. I cycled rapidly from wanting to be around people all the time and talking to this person all the time to being annoyed at talking to anyone. I think I'm having trouble regulating. Idk what to do anymore so I'm isolating.

@bellbird im not sure, it feels very real. But honestly I’m never able to control it so it’s probably a lie that I can. I actually did ok with my thoughts today which is good! I think my medication has finally kicked in too. I hope next week a therapist gets back to me!

Thank you. I emailed one therapist but I'm going to keep searching for them if she doesn't get back to me sometime today. I was doing "better" in that I was ignoring it but now EVERYTHING it feels like in my life is out of my control and I'm just like, losing it. I want to control something so I...

it's totally consumed my thoughts now. I can't wear anything but baggy big clothes because I hate how my body feels against them because I gained weight when my chronic pain was bad. I started working out again and immediately my pain came back. I feel like I'm drowning. I can't even discuss...

idk what's wrong with me and I just like am not allowed by whatever universal forces that be to have romantic relationships. idk what I did in a past life that it's just like not allowed for me. idk what's wrong with me.

I'm moving this week (finally) at least temporarily. I've been so depressed since July knowing this was going to happen. I'm leaving the home I grew up from 11 to 23 in and a few weeks ago I lost the home I grew up from birth to 11 (long story, lol). It's like...I'm sad to lose it but it also...

and the meds aren't helping lol...I'm gonna call my doctor Monday. I'm so low. I'm trying to fight through it but it's hard. I'm starting to think that the loneliness brought on by quarantine is worse than actually catching COVID. Idk what else to do.

Thank you so much @lil_fighter !!

This honestly makes a LOT of sense to what I do. I think for me it’s shoving my low self esteem onto them. *I* don’t like myself so they must not either. These periods of low self esteem are less frequent (ok maybe a little more frequent now that I’m in the middle of a huge move, I had a pain...

today I'm so absolutely sure that I'll never be good enough for them in order to protect myself from getting hurt that I almost want to delete them from everything and run. So badly. I know they probably don't see me that way. No one ever does.

I'm glad, and also sad I'm not alone haha! I wouldn't date people I would be friends with. It did not go well lol. But recently (like this year) I've considered dating people I consider friends and it's harder because I *actually* care haha. That's an interesting coping mechanism, I do that for...

Whenever I can feel myself crushing on someone or developing feelings for them, I start to feel afraid and angry. Afraid that they'll hurt me, and angry that by liking them most likely more than than they like me I'm giving them power over me. My main relationship trauma was five years ago...

I got on new meds and am feeling much more balanced and good overall! I probably should have done that sooner but I'm proud I tried everything I could to feel better. Thank you all for helping me through a hard time!

Thank you both! I ended up getting a med change and my emotions are starting to come back, thank goodness. Both of those are great thoughts to remember. I try to still act lovingly towards people, no matter how I'm feeling. usually I don't have as much capacity to do so, though. I think it's...

I've noticed lately that the love and affection I feel for people, both romantic and platonic, feels like it's behind a glass wall. It doesn't feel real, I feel so disconnected from people. I know it's probably this depression episode, but I can't even feel a crush without pushing it away...

I'm going to see if I can change my meds again, I don't think this medication is working anymore/if it ever did. I have an appointment later this month. I've been working out in the mornings which is helping but man, this is as bad of a depression as when I first had my worst episode as a teen...

Hey all! I've been having a resurgence of my disordered eating and ED thoughts, I think it's from the stress of moving, plus pandemic plus life. I've binged terribly a few days, restricted others, and my thought patterns entirely depend my happiness on becoming thinner. I also tend to binge when...

Money management (I've been tracking expenses) Get over my eating disorder (this seems impossible) keep my body moving however feels good keep doing things I love but maybe on a smaller scale I'm sort of blanking, but I'll ask this in therapy.

I'm back this low. I don't see a point. What I want to happen will never happen and I'm so miserable now why even keep trying? no ones going to see me how I want them to.

Thank you @TruthSeeker ! I'm trying to get more active. I have a bunch of injuries that make it pretty hard, but I'm doing what I can! A random update: we're moving but we have a transitional period where we have to move in with some of my family members who are manipulative and abusive...

Thank you @PreciousChild ! I feel like every time I come out of them I feel more...real. I'm not sure. I hope it continues!

Hi y'all thank you for your kind comments! As an update I've kept going to the zoom things, and a few discord things. It's getting easier, but I also have been turning my camera off a lot. I do a writing group every Saturday (I missed this one last week, but I'll join again next week), and have...