Search results

I did CBT through the NHS. 6 weeks in my area, though it was for anxiety rather than PTSD. Personally it wasn’t hugely helpful- it was basic CBT strategies, which I think anyone who reads about it can pick up, and it was not in depth enough or long enough to get to grips with any of my symptoms...

I went out to watch the sun rise, and caught these on my way home. Didn’t even see the deer at the time.

0 degrees celsius, crisp night, starlight and the beginnings of a creeping frost. Cold, but beautiful.

Sia- Alive Oh Wonder- All We Do Linkin Park- Sharp Edges Amanda Palmer- In My Mind Snow Patrol- What if this is all the love you ever get I have to be in the right headspace for this one, but I love it. X Ambassadors- Joyful X Ambassadors - JOYFUL (Official Video) I could go on.

Might not be helpful, but what helped me let go was hard core mindfulness. All it did was take the edge off my feelings, but it was enough to get me through the actual event of taking him in by focussing on just that moment (and I’m rubbish at mindfulness). The fear makes total sense to me.

Warmth, peace and quiet. No awkward silences, no worries about saying/doing the wrong thing, just good food, a good book, music on the sound system, and rest. Also, watching the wild birds after I gave them their Christmas breakfast was better than getting any present.

Two days ago it was a pack of smashed up biscuits.

I relate to all of it. It’s why I rarely comment outside my diary. Sometimes I just roll with it, if it’s nothing I urgently need to handle, but if it is, the only way I know to deal with it is to make myself respond soon as, as the longer I leave it the more avoidant I get. I often want to...

Sunshine and showers and hailstorms and various combinations of. Sunlight glaring off the roads while an end of the world sky looms overhead.

Winter walk

No, but as my history is complicating by the suicide attempts of two immediate family members it gets complicated. I go against statistics, which say that makes it more likely for me, but in my case the opposite seems true.

Something in an old family photograph that stuck me as massively symbolic- a picture of myself and my brothers as children, and in the picture also, an object upon which was written (in large letters) the word Defiance. I’ve had that photograph for decades, yet I’d never seen that before today.

I get a lesser version of this. I have a perfume sensitivity, the strength of which varies depending on my stress levels. Some days I can walk into a perfumed room and suffer not much more than an itchy nose and scalp. Other days I walk into the same room and within minutes I’m struggling to...

This may be of no use to you, but just in case it is- I don’t do trust, and in my case it’s most likely permanent, but I’ve discovered that where I can't trust people, I can usually trust a process or a system. When I started T, I didn’t expect to trust her, and told her so, but I had faith...

This guy’s been taking a break on the window-

Just a thought, might be irrelevant, but would your telling him in advance risk him worrying about whether your ex would be able to pay the rent? Don’t know the circumstances, and I know practically nothing about tenancy laws, but if it’s been you he’s been dealing with, it might be a...

@sunshinedaydream I’ve just pulled this off one site. https://dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/about-dyspraxia/dyspraxia-glance/

Pretty sure I was born with it. My dad was much the same. The PTSD definitely makes it worse. On my bad days, when I’ve been triggered or I’m struggling to ground myself, or I’m just not able to get out of my own head, those are the days when I repeatedly drop things, break things, bump into...

Yes, I’m very clumsy, but I’ve got dyspraxia. Most of the time I’m able to compensate, but I’ve noticed that when I’m struggling mentally, in whatever way, I lose that ability, and the clumsiness becomes very pronounced. I joke that I’m so clumsy I’ve become quite good at catching what I drop...

This morning’s walk:

Going through old Youtube playlists and I found this one-

No, but I don’t believe I’m a pessimist, I’m a cynic. Plan for/expect the worst and anything better is a bonus. Too many years of the worst thing happening for that to change. I think, if I could believe in positive outcomes for my therapy, things might be easier. There are a couple of things...

Last week my day fell apart over an e-mail, that I had been expecting, that contained just about what I had been expecting. I didn’t even have to respond to it. But, nope, it was one thing too many, apparently.

I do try with the exercise. I do yoga once a week, which includes a half-hour core workout, and short of being on my knees, I go. I love walking, and am surrounded by countryside, but there I struggle. Work takes so much out of me that on my days off I frequently don’t want to do anything but...

Thanks for the suggestions. Unfortunately the fatigue ended up setting off my insomnia, and I’ve had to resort to sleeping tablets in order to get any sleep. I’ve been unable to take them every night and I’m not sleeping at all on the nights I don’t, so that hasn’t helped at all. But it’s not...