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This is a tough topic. I also have CPTSD and I especially feel this way very hard after my parents try to contact me. My therapist says that my brain sees SI as the only 'escape route' for me and that's why I tend to go there.

Sour Patch Kids and water.

Currently sipping hot green tea with 2 tsp. of sugar. Had some homemade chicken curry with rice and a piece of store-bought cake earlier.

Hey, ms spock! It's good to be back.

I'm checking in after 12 years and I'm a little tired, but ok.

My mind is kind of empty at the moment.

I'm feeling somewhat calm (maybe bored) and lonely.

Creating new recipes makes me happy. Gardening also helps me feel good.

My goal for today is to bake banana bread and work on my garden.

Thinking of you Gizmo and wishing you peace.

I feel angry, frustrated and betrayed.

I am feeling... conflicted. Hmm, I was angry, but I am calming down now. I suppose 'sad' would be the best descriptor at the moment.

I've also started cleaning up an old room so that I can convert it into my Art room.

I left the house to go to the store even though I was scared to leave. I also bought myself a candy bar (haven't had one in a long time).

I told someone 'No.' I'm still struggling with the aftermath tho'.

I can relate to this a lot.

I got within two feet of a baby mourning dove. It just looked at me quizzically for a bit and then it flew away.

I'm just kind of here.

Lonely.

I'm feeling a little relieved. A little bored.

I am SO looking forward to gardening this summer. It's just so calming for me. I hope to build some planter boxes (raised beds) and *maybe* do some much-needed landscaping. My T pointed out that it's a very nurturing hobby. Interesting- I never really thought of myself as a nurturer.

I am a survivor.

We have a night light for the birds. Bedroom door is closed and locked. Other doors are closed.

People.

I did something different today and I survived. I wrote about it in my diary. I did something I haven't done in years. I used to get punished for it a lot as a kid. I also started to have a panic attack, but it subsided. I know I don't ask for hugs, but could I get one? :barefoot: