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I think that describing virtuous victimhood as playing a kind of role does fit in with what the authors were saying. They talk about the difference between being victimized (by a crime or abuse, for example) as an action in the world that has internal consequences that we have to sort out and...

I strongly believe that the objectivity of the "science" in social and behavioral sciences is different from the hard "science" of physics and chemistry. There can be objectivity in cultural and social mores - laws are based on such objectivity - but it will never look like natural laws, like...

I wanted to address the notion that we should dismiss these articles because of its "heteronormativity". As I said, I'm not a psychologist, but doesn't all object relations theory commit this "bias"? From what I understand, object relations is conditioned on social and cultural considerations...

These are really helpful and nuanced points that I think are good counterpoints and additions to what the articles contain. @TruthSeeker, exactly. In order to heal and grow, we definitely need to embrace fully that we were victimized. And as we know well, I'm sure, it takes time to heal, and I...

The last thing I want to do is victim-blame. I think what we mean by "honesty" has to be clarified. My dad was 100% honest. To him that meant that he told us how stupid, lazy, and incompetent us kids were all the time. That was straight up his perception of us. But I can ask what is behind his...

@grief, I'm not an expert and I can't really speak to methodology, but these psychology today articles are based on peer-reviewed research in academic journals. Also, the Ekin Ok research isn't the only recent research on victimhood that correlates it with dark traits (it was published this...

I just wanted to mention that in the peer-reviewed academic article, the authors acknowledge that there is true victimization in reality and they don't want to deny the effects of being victimized. But their study is about those folks who persist in an identification of victimhood who "label...

Has anyone read the recent research that demonstrates that a person signalling virtuous victimhood is an indicator of the dark triad personality - narcissism, machiavellianism, and psychopathy? Very interestingly, the person who identifies as virtuous and victim is more likely to cheat in a...

Thanks. I was surprised about his observation too, and you can disagree. But it resonated with me that the narcissist persisting in the other's correct judgment about his inferiority is a covert way of manifesting his deep feelings of insecurity.

Thanks for your thoughtful replies. I admit that framing my "issues" around narcissism might be unwarranted and maybe even wrong-headed, but though it may be highly idiosyncratic to me right now at this time in my life, it has been really productive. I think the main way this framing is helping...

This is another post about my explorations into whether my coping patterns are narcissistic. I loathe to think that I'm narcissistic, and I don't think I truly meet the definition of NPD. Also, I think my father's malignant narcissism is the main reason why I suffered and still do. But genuinely...

Thanks for your thoughts, @Rosebud!

Thank you all for your feedback. @grief, I appreciate you taking the time to write a detailed analysis, and I have comments for you below. @grit and @Movingforward10, those are kind reminders, and deep down, I don't think I have full blown narcissism because of the fact that I can reflect on...

I was listening to a podcast on narcissism. I believe my bf's ex is narcissistic and my father was highly narcissistic, so I find listening to these podcasts helpful. But this time, rather than seeing those two people in what the doctor was saying, I started recognizing myself in the behaviors...

I once read a quote, 'Truth is connecting and lies are disconnecting". I'm paraphrasing. I believe it's important to match words with deeds. Otherwise, the other is going to feel like the fool in a small or big way. Truth also shows the other that you do trust him or her and that you're willing...

I want to echo @Waterbear . Could be him, could be you, or both, but if you're unhappy give yourself a chance to find peace of mind and perhaps eventually a good relationship. For me that took about a dozen years after my divorce. I think it took that long to get to a solid enough place to be...

Instead of letting my thoughts snowball in my head, maybe writing them down will help pin down the fears and make me confront them. I do think that putting out the fear into the world and having it reflected back can be a reality check. Yeah, sadly getting triggered often ends up hurting others...

I finally got a chance to read this...Wow, yeah. That's really helpful. Understand the source, assess whether it's the right size, and pin down the anxiety to reality. I think I have trouble with all three, and assessing it's the right size the most. Also, because my triggers are primarily...

I have the exact same reactions to my boyfriend that you do to yours. When I get insecure, I want reassurance and feel better when he gives it to me. The only thing that I think I do differently is that I usually don't tell him I'm having an insecurity attack about 90% of the time just because I...

I have a few thoughts on this. It sounds like the person venting was kind of intense about it, probably emoting and maybe even agitated. I think that kind of venting is likened to outsourcing their tension. They feel better by unloading some of it on someone else. I don't think anyone has a...

Thanks @grit and @Muttly. Glad you're getting less reactive. I think I am too. The problem for me is that the imagined catastrophe is within the realm of possibility, in which case, I would do well in preparing for it. My family did get evicted from an apartment when I was a child, I have gotten...

I wanted to see how people coped with catastrophizing. That part of my brain seems so deeply embedded, almost primordial. I'm able to put more distance between me and the catastrophe these days, and I want to see if I can make headway into dealing with it. If a neighbor complains about my lawn...

Wow really? That seems extreme. I've gotten replies on this forum a few times from posters who are "new" or becomes quickly disabled like this poster that seems aimed to deepen or trigger my fears and suspicions. I hope anyone reading this reply by Randomperson27 takes it with a grain of salt...

I agree that covert or communal narcissists can use appearing sensitive and being victimized as ploys for supply. I think both my ex husband and ex bf are covert narcissists. They both left me feeling like I was an awful human being because they both needed a fall guy. I bought into that because...

I think the way we see power has changed generationally like you said, @enough. I heard a historian say we're getting more peaceful as a society. But maybe aggression is just transformed. Sorry to hear about your mom, @ruborcoraxxx. I understand what you're saying in your threads- pushing back...