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Hello, everyone...... Sometimes I'm amazed by the lack of understanding in this world, even among so-called "experts." Why pathologize survival techniques and call them "disorders?"? My word......it makes no sense to me whatsoever. If you grow up being chronically abused and tormented, why...

Hi, everyone..... I just wanted to say that I have thought for some time that a lot of my attachment issues may have occurred preverbally. I have watched my mother take care of my sisters children when they were babies, and she is horrible at it. She never connects with them at all!! Oh, she...

Dearest shell...... I love your idea of teddy bear. Isn't it interesting that I never had a stuffed animal when I was a little girl? I never had one. I wonder what it would have felt like to have a comforting stuffie to sleep with at night. I guess because I never had that experience, I never...

Dearest Suzetig...... This particular sentence really comforts me. I often feel very young, even though I haven't been in therapy a while. (I am looking for one, though.) Yes, it really is okay to be where I am. Thanks for reminding me of that.

Dearest Go Hungry...... I feel this way, too. I used to think that I didn't fit here at all.....in this world. Life can seem so difficult when you're trying to figure out and deal with stuff that a good childhood should have afforded you. It's like taking puzzle pieces and finding where they...

Dearest Chava.... I really do relate to your post. I think I must exude an air, too, of not needing anyone. Actually, I never ask for help.....ever. It just never occurs to me. I grew up without it. So I have no idea where you get it! But that doesn't mean I don't crave love, kindness, or...

Dearest JFK..... Actually, I have done some reading about DID and I have wondered if I do fit the criteria. I think of it as a marvelous and creative way to have survived some unbearable childhood traumas. I'm so glad you mentioned that. I do feel as though the fragmentation I feel is very...

Dearest Me..... Yes, your post helps me a lot! I guess both are truly "me." But it's just that I'm not very connected to the outer "me." I think I'm going to try to find a way to become more connected to myself in general. Thanks for sharing, Me........I like what you said.

Dearest risingsun, I relate to everything you've expressed so well. Maybe it isn't such a bad thing. After all, we did survive. I don't how I would have survived otherwise. I really don't. I also relate very much to your saying that we have remained innocent in many ways. I definitely find...

LOL!!.........Thankfully, I later learned some makeup tricks and how to do my hair and I grew out of my weasel stage!!!......I bet they're considered really cute to other weasels..........;)

Dearest RussH..... I do relate because I have felt insignificant all of my life. Growing up abused and neglected does leave a child with a deep, deep sense of "nothingness." I myself felt so invisible as a person that I actually used to ask my husband, "Am I really real? Am I really here? Am I...

I have been sleeping on the couch in front of the TV for about 7 years now, ever since I had my very first experience with horrible insomnia. I remember one night lying in the total dark in the bedroom, feeling "wired" inside, racing thoughts, anxious, unable to sleep. And I could not fall...

Dearest RussH..... You are so very kind to uplift and encourage me with your post! Thank you. What you've said really does mean so very much to me. Thank you for saying that you are sorry for what I endured. I appreciate that. Yes, I think you're right about people who've been very abused and...

Hi, TreeHugger!! BTW (by the way), I have tons of trees to hug behind my house! We have woods that go about 2 miles behind us, and just yesterday a mother deer with 2 baby fawns walked out unexpectedly into my side yard. I was so excited. I never get tired of nature......and I love trees...

Hello, everyone...... Sometimes I just feel as if I've gone through life "frozen" at a particular age. Or, maybe what I've experienced is that when I was a little girl and dissociated a lot, I created a super-competent (relatively speaking) person who handled things, appeared very capable and...

Hi, I'm pretty new here to the site so I only saw your thread today. But the first thought I had was also emotional flashbacks, as was mentioned by ghotiff. If you are unfamiliar with those, you can do an internet search. I think Pete Walker's site has some very good information re complex PTSD...

This thread brings up a lot of conflicting emotion for me. I am the type of person who cannot understand why any human being gets pleasure from wounding or harming another person. I can't fathom it. It "doesn't compute." I am a realist, and I know that humans inflicting cruelty upon one another...

Warrior-child.

I agree with Ladyghosthunter.........if I had been born without a psychopath and a narcissist as parents, I doubt that I would be experiencing PTSD. It was their cruelty, manipulation, abuse, and lack of warmth, nurture, and love which brought about my need to learn dissociation as my main...

Dearest shell...... Thank you for your kind post and for sharing your own experiences with dissociation. You're so right.....it definitely was and is a blessing. I honestly don't know how any child could survive in a household with abusers on a daily basis unless dissociation was available to...

Hi, TreeHugger.........yes, I am very sorry........I hadn't considered that the acronyms may not be understood by all. Thank you for reminding of that. I'll keep that in mind with future posting. And, thank you, FridayJones, for helping out with spelling those out!

Hello to all of my new friends! if I had the strength and wherewithal, I'd respond to each one of your wonderful posts individually. But I just can't at the moment. I did finally get up the strength to go to the grocery store, but I cried all the way there and all the way back home, asking for...

Hi, FE.........I had the same experience. My parents never loved me, either. And they taught me to think of myself as flawed, ugly, worthless, and despicable. I am very shame-based. And I also suffer with severe PTSD. Like you, I now appreciate and look for the tiniest joys and pleasure. For me...

Thanks, FE........that's really encouraging to me, especially since I'm suffering a really bad flashback at the moment and all my mind is telling me to do is to finally just end it all! (No reason to worry.........my mind has been telling me that since I was around 3 years old and I'm still...

Gee, I was just re-reading my posts here and I am thinking what a pathetic life I lead and what a pathetic person I must be in order to be in this situation in my life. Why does God even allow people like me to be born?