This thread brings up a lot of conflicting emotion for me. I am the type of person who cannot understand why any human being gets pleasure from wounding or harming another person. I can't fathom it. It "doesn't compute." I am a realist, and I know that humans inflicting cruelty upon one another is a constant occurrence in our world--and it always will be, it seems. I'm no Pollyanna by any means......you know, sitting around with rose-colored glasses on, in total naivete, singing "Kumbayah." No, I'm a realist. But I will never understand bullying. In my opinion there is simply no excuse for it. None. Nada. Zilch.
Though I may understand why bullies bully, I still give them no excuse for their actions. So what if the bully is getting abused and has built up a truckload of anger and rage? Why inflict your anger on an innocent person? Why kick the dog? Why scream at your spouse? Why beat your kids? Why taunt and belittle and torment the child at school?
See, my father was a sadistic psychopath. I'm not being overly dramatic. He fit (past tense....he is dead now) the criteria. He took great pleasure in causing children to cry. And when they cried, due to his physical or emotional or verbal torment, he laughed. I can still hear his sickening, twisted laugh to this very day. I swear to you, the man literally exploded in the most gleeful, yet demonic, sinister laughter you have ever heard. He just thought it was hilarious to hurt kids. That is sick, in my book.
I say that only to say that I know some of his background. Father abandoned him. Mother was viciously abusive. So, yes, he grew up without love, I would guess. And I have deep empathy for any person who grows us being unloved and being abused.
But, I was also abused. Terribly.
What makes the bully a bully? Why am I not a bully? I have every excuse in the book. I was sexually molested, raped by a stranger, beaten with belts and objects, bullied at school, hated by a parent, mistreated and used and maligned and lied about and parentified and abandoned and rejected by parents. I knew no parental love. I wasn't popular in school. I went to 15 different schools, somewhere different around the country every 6 months or so. I had no adult in my life.....ever......who took an interest in me, took me under their wing, tutored me, mentored me, stepped in as a surrogate parent. I had no one. I grew up feeling utterly alone, rejected, abandoned, unwanted.........and completely bereft.
I would rather cut off an arm than to willfully hurt another person. (Unless there was a self-defense situation or if I needed to intervene to help another person fend off someone.)
I hate bullying. No, I loathe and abhor bullying. I'm not saying I hate the bully as a person. But I certainly do hate the behavior. I have seen the damage it causes. Life-long damage, in some cases.
I remember being made fun of in high school. Sadly, the abuse in my home was so bad, and I was neglected so badly, I didn't know how to wear make-up properly or fix myself up to look pretty or anything. I was too busy taking care of 3 siblings, cleaning the house, cooking our dinners, doing our laundry, and getting abused........who had time for anything else, like being a normal, average American teenaged girl?
Anyway, I sat with a guy at a desk in chemistry class. And he would tell me every day when he sat next to me the horrible things the popular guys said about me that day. They made fun of me mercilessly, I guess.
One day, he told me a certain boy's name, a popular boy in sports, who said I "looked like a weasel."
For years, that tormented me. I couldn't help how I looked. I did the best I could. I was dealing with unbearable abuse and stress at home while still getting good grades and helping teachers with art projects and after-school projects all the time.
I heard several years ago that that very same boy committed suicide about 5 years ago. And I felt sad.
I really felt sad. I feel sad for anyone who hurts so much that they commit suicide. I never felt pleasure or joy at hearing about that.
There may be "reasons" that bullies do what they do. But I have to say that I am sick to death of them. I grew up with a bully for a parent. I have no way to understand them or to get into their mindset. We are just cut from different pieces of cloth, I guess.
If I could talk to my dead father, what would I say? I think I'd say, "I was a little girl and I loved you so much. You were cruel to me my whole life. I could never understand why. I really don't care why. All you have ever done is hurt me. And I didn't deserve any of it. There is something so deeply and terribly wrong with you and your heart........I pity you."
If I could talk to the bullies in school, especially the one who committed suicide, I think I'd say, "You hurt me. I was already a struggling girl going through torment and horrendous daily abuse in my home, and when I came to school, I couldn't even experience a moment's peace because of you and others like you. You didn't even know me. I was such a kind and a loving girl. But all you did was mock me and laugh at me. You were wrong. You were cruel. You only added to my torment and pain, and you did it all "for fun." I think I'm a much better person than you.......because I don't get pleasure from harming others."
Anyway, thank your for the thread topic. It was really nice being able to express myself here since this is something I've never really addressed before with anyone. Thank you.
