Sexual Assault What would you call this?

[Deleted member 37474]

I encourage you to read lots and lots about EMDR and to communicate with your T about the process a...

I have done a ton of research. My T has done it for 15 years and therapists come to her for therapy and she is so busy appointment wise which I hope means that she is good. But, yup.... this whole finding the right therapist/therapy thing has been tricky. My new T said that some people still see their therapists and do emdr and others switch to her. My old T didn't give me an option to continue with her. :(Rejected by my own therapist.

 

[13ReasonsWhyNot]

I was already having repressed memories come up before seeing the show. The scene that triggered me was...

Oh yeah that scene was definitely hard to watch. They portrayed it realistically, and from the victim's POV, which I could appreciate. I think that's what made the triggering so intense though, because it was so realistic. I was triggered by the hot tub scene but more because when she went limp and just checked out because it was me. Also because it was clearly rape, and she was quiet and still like I was. (That was always why I had a hard time accepting it was really a rape-of course I blamed myself because of that.) I had this visual of being pulled into her eyes and then the scene rotated around and then changed to mine. It was quite intense and horrifying because of how real it felt.

Sometimes PTSD seems worse than the actual rape, just because the rape did eventually stop but now it feels like it's happening over and over again and unfortunately I just can't seem to check out and not feel it like I did originally. I'm with you. This sucks. I wish PTSD would leave us alone too!!

I encourage you to read lots and lots about EMDR and to communicate with your T about the process a...

Thanks! I definitely will. The skeptic in me still gives the side eye to EMDR but people say a lot of good things about it. I'm okay with it being methodical. That was why I left my last therapist. She was very unstructured and basically sat there waiting for me to talk. I didn't feel like we were headed anywhere. I'll be excited to meet my new T and see what she's about! I hope I will feel comfortable with her.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Oh yeah that scene was definitely hard to watch. They portrayed it realistically, and from the...

and honestly... shame and self hatred are my biggest enemies right now. I feel like the rape gave birth to a new horrible person that is inside of me. I have been faking a normal mom, wife, but the crap I became is locked inside of me. And my T says emdr will help that.

 

[13ReasonsWhyNot]

and honestly... shame and self hatred are my biggest enemies right now. I feel like the rape gave birt...

WOW! Really? Could help with that too? Man, I hope it works!! I'm rooting for you! And I hope you're getting support at home too. :)

 

[Scarlet13]

Yes, I was very triggered by 13 reasons why because of the suicide scene. It just filled me with such horror/sadness. I could not get it out of my head. I also was triggered by the rape scenes. I kept imagining that she went to more adults for help after being victim blamed. In a way it is good that you got triggered by that show because you can deal with it now.

 

[13ReasonsWhyNot]

Yes, I was very triggered by 13 reasons why because of the suicide scene. It just filled me with such horror/sadness. I could not get it out of my head. I also was triggered by the rape scenes. I kept imagining that she went to more adults for help after being victim blamed. In a way it is good that you got triggered by that show because you can deal with it now.

That scene was just awful. Absolutely gut-wrenching. I know what you mean about it being good in a way, although I would have been perfectly happy with it staying locked away like it was before. I feel the most sorry for my husband and son. I haven't had a PTSD episode since they've been in my life and I only mentioned the assault in passing to my husband as a heads up early on in our relationship but it I never said anything else about it, so I'm sure they think I'm just nuts now. Or at least a drama queen. :( What really sucks is after all this time I'm finally ready to talk about it but I still try to hide my angst around them. My T appt. can't come soon enough!!

Are you going to watch the second season? My son's offered to watch it first and then let me know if it's okay. I think that's sweet. Although now that I'm full-blown PTSD the trigger thing probably isn't an issue anymore since I seem to be reliving it all the time anyway.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Actu

That scene was just awful. Absolutely gut-wrenching. I know what you mean about it being good i...

It is my experience that triggers get worse, not better, with ptsd and during the beginnings of trauma therapy. You probably shouldn't watch, but since you are a parent, like me, you may feel you need to anyways to discuss it with your son.

 

[Scarlet13]

Yes I get that about wanting the trauma to stay dormant inside. I am not sure about watching it more. I was really angry about the suicide scene that it was so graphic. But I get why they made it so graphic so people would really see the reality and not the fantasy of suicide. But the show is a revenge fantasy of sorts and so it does not add up. I like that it raises awareness about sexual assault, but especially all the sexualized bullying that can happen. I am a teacher and my students watch it and that is the whole reason I watched it so I could talk to them about it so I could reiterate that there ARE trusting, non judging adults at school.

 

[13ReasonsWhyNot]

Actu

It is my experience that triggers get worse, not better, with ptsd and during the beginnings of tr...

UUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH.

As far as the show, he didn't watch it until after I did (of course after I said I wish I hadn't watched it and I wouldn't recommend it for anyone who went through really bad times in high school.) He's an adult now though so it's not like I could forbid it. Did your kids watch it?

Yes I get that about wanting the trauma to stay dormant inside. I am not sure about watching i...

I agree. That was the one thing I really thought could be damaging. The whole revenge thing. It's worrying that some will think it's a good idea.

I think that's great that you talked to your students about it and make sure they knew there were people they could go to. I totally agree about raising awareness about the sexualized bullying. Mine went on all that year and when I watched the first couple of episodes it really took me back to that time. I'd never seen that topic addressed on screen like that, and from the victim POV. I'll tell you, I'm glad it happened before the internet and cell phones... as bad as everything was, I can't imagine having to deal with that along with everything else. I really feel for today's youth.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

UUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH.

As far as the show, he didn't watch it until after I did (of course after I...

They were already watching it and talking about it, so as a parent, I felt that I needed to watch it. Then there was a big Facebook controversy about it, condemning the show and people saying kids shouldn't watch it. These middle class Texas suburban moms have their heads in the sand. I feel like they need to open their eyes. They are so judgemental of other teens and their children are the precious example of model children that they flaunt on Facebook. I do get some of the Controversy about the show, but I think it was a good mode for discussing stuff with your teen kids. With exception to my daughters telling each other "you are my tape 8,". "Well, you are my tape 13!"

 

[13ReasonsWhyNot]

Yeah, you definitely needed to watch it since they were. Do they know about what happened to you?

 

[_25001001166940_]

Yes. This is 100% rape and I am so so sorry you experienced this. He had no right to violate you and regardless of if he believed he was "punishing" you for friend zoning him, you had EVERY right to friend zone him and did absolutely nothing to warrant his treatment. I sincerely hope that your therapist can help you sort through these feelings and I wish you all the best.