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I don't want to imagine killing to protect myself, so I imagine I'm a warrior fighting with a light saber that can be set on stun, or transform my fear into a nice unicorn.

I'm relieved to know I'm not the only one who self triggers. I had a terrible infancy while i was pre-verbal ( didn't have words for the abuse and neglect) but what helps me to connect with me and understand my trauma is to watch YouTube about how monkey moms wean their babies. It's brutal...

I experience a strong division inside between my adult self (who does ok with life) and my very young inner child (who is a mess if she gets attached to someone.) I read the Bradshaw books, too, which gave me general ideas, but came to resent deeply how he and other therapists seem to think all...

I'm in the same predicament with a controlling T who likes to give advice. I was way too bonded to quit with her, though. My answer was to find another T to talk to at another time in the same week who was nicer. I feel that the therapist for deep problems should just ask empathic questions...

This is just where I am in therapy. I'm so thankful I have a good "dynamic", long-term therapist who works with me where I am, not where I should be. My inner child was raised on the stern "shoulds" and "should nots" so severe that I developed a false self of high achievement in school and in...

I think another point in this discussion is your concern about the PTSD diagnosis itself. It looks to me that you don't believe you are correctly diagnosed PTSD because your problems originate from very early core beliefs; whereas "Post Traumatic Stress" is , or was, referring to what soldiers...

I soon realized this topic sounds just like me, and my history, and my defenses starting therapy. Stenni, I found that talking and remembering came easier as I stayed on in therapy. I hope your T is empathic and patient and trustworthy like mine has turned out to be. The journey starts out...

As hard as it is, when you've been told dependency is wrong in the past, it's OK to be dependent on the therapist. The therapist needs for you to be dependent and feel the transference feelings. It's in those feelings that you and T can discuss and re-do what went wrong in your life. But...

Bluedream, the fact you're needing to ask what and how to grieve is a red flag, in my opinion. It should just show up naturally in therapy as your feelings for the therapist develop. In therapy, there is usually a transference relationship with the T where you feel the love and longing for the T...

This might sound silly, but something that's worked for me when I say something embarrassing in therapy is to walk in next session as if I had never said it. I even make myself not remember, and not think of it, and just pretend it didn't happen, isn't part of therapy now either. If T brings...

So, what difference does it make that wer'e not supposed to go cold turkey off meds when the stupid, idiot doctor cuts off your prescription so you suddenly don't have any more?? They expects us to be so ethical and legal about everything, but don't give a gnat's nose themselves .

You mentioned earlier about Ms. Spock and her "cognitive distortions". But your inner voice is not a cognitive thing at all. Cognitive means logic, while what you're concerned about is feelings. I have this same situation as you, where T wants to push on sometimes, but my inner voice warns...

Well, good riddance to that good-for-nothing intake "person" (I won't give her the credit of a title). Why do they assign the worst for the initial interview which is certainly one of the most important? But, you sound intelligent and prepared to be serious about your situation, according to...

What really helped me most with guilt and shame over dependency is that I divided my "big ass grown woman" from my "inner kid" . The PTSD got started with the child in me that was traumatized and abused. I see my case as a parent who has a troubled child who needs my sympathy and help, and...

Not trying to recover...just want to be with T.

I was ridiculous about going ahead with things I knew would trigger. I watched the Sybil movie and landed in the psych ward over it. Also read "The Divided Self" by R.D. Laing, and ended up in psych ward two weeks over that. I knew I was in trouble as I read it but did anyway. The reason...

Brandonsmom, I had this intense, relentless anxiety, too. I discovered that if i could get raging angry, it forced out the anxiety. I especially did this about T who was too rough with me. It was hard to feel so angry for the one I needed so much to care about me, so, I would have to imagine...

My adult part of myself does want to be fixed, but the little child part of me that has the illness and the transference dependency on my T doesn't ever want to be fixed. Being fixed means never seeing T again and that's just unthinkable at this time. I guess the best way to deal with this is...

Hurray for you! You certainly don't have to see a therapist that can't harmonize with you even from the get go. I have the same sleep issues and just go ahead and get Ambien from my primary care doc...they don't seem to be so hung up on the "morality" of sleep meds. and even if I have a...

At first I thought I could tell my T everything, but I get hints that she won't tolerate me being in a positive Transference with her. Well, that just happens to be my main problem. I have an attachment issue and I can't talk about it as I have such intense anger at being "lectured" for being...

Your T appears to be one of the modern psychoanalysts, or dynamic relationship therapists, who believe in Bowlby, Kohut, Winnicott, Ferenzcy, etc. who welcome transference and walk the client through it sympathetically, how ever long it takes. (Wow, I wish my T were from that school, and I'm...

Yes, I'm having that. At first I thought it was something about the carpet, as it's the smell of hemp rope. But now I know it follows me, even when away from the house. Strange.

Zecster, you actually brought your cats to therapy? That is the coolest thing I've heard!

My post is similar to Gotihf's, and I learned a lot there about me. I've had therapy several times and always the therapy got bogged down on the transference subject when I couldn't talk about it openly. My relatives who raised me were rejecting and didn't want to be bothered. I had...

Sometimes a woman is so much in love, infatuation, and in the spell of a man, that she makes wrong decisions. She just can't stand up to him even though she makes a heartbreaking decision to keep him and let her child go.