Distored Thinking - Should Statements

[Skylynx]

This is just where I am in therapy. I'm so thankful I have a good "dynamic", long-term therapist who works with me where I am, not where I should be. My inner child was raised on the stern "shoulds" and "should nots" so severe that I developed a false self of high achievement in school and in career. But I kept self-sabotaging and went from job to job, never finishing any personal project, either. Then I got into therapy. My inner child is now able to have her say and lean on the therapist in the way she was forbidden the first time around. According to T, when my inner child has been accepted for just the age she is and who she is in therapy, she will then release her sabotage eventually and let me be free to be a successful adult.

Just last week, T and I were talking about my dreams to go back to college and get my masters. A great, exciting session, but when I got home, my inner child got into a panicky rage over it. I screamed into a pillow how much I didn't want to be an academic success, but just wanted to be T's little girl. (Hard to admit). After that, I felt much better about the college idea, but I have a way to go on this whole topic. Just thought I would share how I'm working on this very subject right now, and how the "shoulds" have to be approached a step at a time.

 

[Mallaky]

Its a long time ago that I started this thread, and I am so happy I did.

Besides the amazing stuff that happened in here I also went on to figure out what prompted this in the first place. Why the hell I feel so trapped in a world of shoulds and shouldnts.
Found answers.

Its apparently a normal worldview and issue when someone suffers from neglectfull and abusive caregivers. The child learns to think in shoulds and shouldnts because it learns nothing else from those whose duty it would be. In its desperate search for the smallest morsels of kindness and attention, and for fear of punishment and hate and abondenment the child will learn early to think that way. It learns little else. What one learns as a child is the foundation of what and how one will see and percieve as an adult.

It changes little about what to do with it, but for me it still changes everything. Because I now know why I feel that way and where it is coming from, I can finally start seeing it for what it is: A harmfull way to live and feel. I no longer feel the need to protect or defend this way of thinking. The first 20 years of my life it served me well, but its time to change. Finally.

Thank you all, your input was invaluable.