Poll Do You Have Secrets About Your Trauma That You've Not Divulged To Your Therapist?

[zaniara]

But the worst one I will show him when I'm ready to work with it. - We use EMDR and work with one memory at a time.

Oh.. Suddenly got an alert from this thread. Had forgotten about it. And forgotten about this. I crashed hard this fall, and haven't done EMDR since. But will start over with it soon. And.. Maybe I should show that image to my therapist. But.. No. Can't. It make me feel dirty. As if it's all me having a dirty mind. Also I have tried to tell him some things, in a not so clear way though. Sort of hinted stuff, and said stuff that I think make it pretty obvious what went on. But he said the other day that he doesn't know much about what it is we are going to work with. SIGH. I wish I could just say it out loud, clear and in a grown up way. But whenever I try I get tongue-tied and everything starts to feel surreal and I freeze. I just can't talk about it. :( Maybe I won't be forced to though, since EMDR make it all so much more voluntary: the speaking part I mean, not the dealing with the memory part..

I'm not 'supposed to' talk. I'm not even supposed to live. Not sure all of us survived. Oh.. Freaking out!! And now everything goes into "surreal-mode" again. And I feel like I'm going crazy again.. It just feels so much safer keeping my mouth shut.

 

[ResaLock]

I have been with my PTSD "T" for over a year now. He is male; so I kept some things from him and tried to seek out a woman, T.
That did not work out so well. I tried to seek out another woman, and that search did not go so well. I went to go seek out another woman and found a program, and I missed a couple of appointments to inconveniences. I felt bad because I thought I was taking time from someone, where someone else could of got the appointment. So I did not make another one. Then I disclosed what I did not want to discuss with my current T, and told him about the frustrations I went through try to talk to someone about it. I just let it out about a few weeks ago.

In my appointments with my T. I kept talking about things all around the area, and avoiding talking about the r*p*. I did realize when I was talking about things all around it, avoiding it. That some things in my life was a ripple effect in connection to it, even though no one else knew about it. When going through all of that, trying to find a woman to talk to, and could not, just in the past couple of months. Then telling my T, just a few weeks ago. It feels easier. Its not as weird and this site has been helpful for me to do that. As I seen other people talk about it. It made it much easier for me. I kept trying to find places to release it.

 

[Skylynx]

At first I thought I could tell my T everything, but I get hints that she won't tolerate me being in a positive Transference with her. Well, that just happens to be my main problem. I have an attachment issue and I can't talk about it as I have such intense anger at being "lectured" for being dependent.

 

[Ti Vu]

I've always tried to live my life like an open book, so I just say everything that comes to mind. I'm usually staring off at their desk or their rug, coffee table with books on it. A little knick-knack, so...it sounds weird, but I imagine that they're on the phone with me and not physically there, as if I'm calling in to a warmline. At times.

It's still comforting to look up to see their face. My first psychologist was very patient and gentle. She would smile and nod at me. Like she understands and wants me to continue.

 

[Deleted member 34424]

No; he knows it all. Not a good thing to do to hide anything from your therapist.

 

[anonymous]

Yes, the dysfunction aspects, painful intercourse, during and after.

The details of my relative I saw being abused.

The confusion over gender identity.

The same sex relationships I've had.

The abusive relationship I'm still stuck in.

...

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

This is a confusing question. For me, I've been I. Therapy for so many years over my lifetime. But, I'm on therapist number 8. She doesn't know everything. But I've only seen her for six months and there hasn't been time to tell everything.

I don't think just "telling it all" is always advisable, anyways. For me, that results in being unhinged. I can only tell the information as quickly as I can process it, which isn't about secret-keeping but knowledge of how much my system can handle. I'd argue that is a good thing.

 

[Ronin]

Therapists, mostly not on my friends list. As in liked, not actual friendly relationship. So hella yes. Didn't tell anyone of them things I felt the need to guard for personal reasons.

Therapist buddies, not so much. Usually keeping the depth to which something affects me, but not the gist of it, or how things string together with other things.

Don't want to & can't afford to be secretitive with them the same way, given I trust them with my head when I don't trust myself with my head.

 

[Deleted member 37605]

My therapist lives in my area. I am worried she might talk. I know she can't..but she could talk to her husband or a close friend. How would I know?

Also, my therapist is a woman and I am a man. I find it difficult to discuss my lifelong sexual fantasies, some of which are disturbing.

 

[Rumors]

My therapist lives in my area. I am worried she might talk. I know she can't..but she could talk...

Then you might want to think about getting another therapist. It sounds as if the fit may not be exactly what you need right now. Good luck and I hope it works out.

 

[wcal]

Only been in therapy for about 9 months and was open with about %99 of events that happened. But there is
that 1% I have told no single person due to being afraid of making people I care about see me in a different way.
Already feel very very isolated with everyone in my life and don't share much, but there are somethings that I feel just couldn't be resolved.

The most important thing for me was finding out my therapist had PTSD from several events I would consider much more
traumatic than my own, so strangely he is the person I am most open to.

 

[Changing4Best]

Thinking back on it, over the years, my therapists have kept me mostly talking about the present and that works best for me too. I do bring up stuff from the past when and if it gets stirred up, but for the most part, we stick with the present. If she asks me something, I do my best to answer it though, as I think answering her questions has to be of help to me, even though I may not know how or why at the time. Later it might come to me and it might not, but hey, I figure she knows what she is doing, so I answer to the best of my ability.