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Thank you, Cashew. I'm still keeping on, barely but still lol. Everyday definitely is a challenge with new ones popping up. My newest trauma is still fairly "fresh" that I guess I still haven't processed it yet. Not to mention it was very different than my other traumas that it's having a...

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. The emotional roller coasters are a motherf*cker especially when you're a sufferer and a carer. It's heartbreaking to watch someone you love spiral down and not knowing what to do. I was in your the situation, still kind of am. It really sounds like...

@SemperFidelisOregon - I feel that. I know all our traumas are different but having my own and hearing someone else's feeling like I can empathize on a different level. My boyfriend has told me feeling is common with him and his vets also.

Yes. I hate people too. Doesn't help I work in a job that I gotta be all fun and extra social lol. I've actually never said "I hate people" until this year. My boyfriend said it and said it was okay if I hate people. Never had anyone say that to me before hah.

First I need to say that you should definitely NOT feel guilty whatsoever for seeking treatment that you are entitled to. You are just as worthy as anyone else who is wounded. I've heard quite a few vets say and feel the same way (one of them being my boyfriend) so I imagine it might create...

Animals definitely can be therapeutic. I remember the VA had service dogs in training whenever I visited there. Unfortunately, I'm allergic to most animals and basically the world lol. I was also a very athletic (played almost every sport. Even boy sports lol) and that drastically changed after...

Thank you for your response, Cashew. I guess in a way you could say I was seeking "help". I was desperately trying to find at least one thing to stop me from doing something permanent. I'm just having a hard time with so many aspects of this trauma on top of the others (even my T seemed to...

Understood. I appreciate your response. I can see how my post can seem like a "poor me" type of calling out but It honestly isn't. I've always thought if I was going to do it with 100% certainty it would happen without warning. I'm not posturizing. My recent trauma was caused by someone...

I'm feeling a bit stupid for posting on here about how ready I am to go/at the point of not returning instead of just doing it. In a way like "the girl who cried suicide"...

I'm glad to hear you no longer have thoughts of self harm. I also used to "stay along just long enough for ___ and then I'll go" quite a lot. I'm sorry to say the Star Wars movie is not one for me.. It sounds silly but the movie is related to when I lashed out at my boyfriend (because of other...

I'm now full of emotions - love, care, empathy - but in the extreme. I now can only see how big of a trail of hurt I leave behind me. Saw my T earlier today (technically yesterday). It was supposed to be a group but no one else showed up so I had the advantage of having a one-on-one with her...

Yes. I've been trying every outlet that has always been effective whenever I've been overwhelmed, stressed, triggered, or feeling suicidal. It appears none of them are not really helping and in a way making it worse because that itself is frustrating. I hope you are right. You probably are...

Thank you Cashew. You have offered some very interesting insight and method of thinking. I'm so used to the concept of changing negative thoughts with only positive thinking and attitude while always reciting the "if things aren't good just make it better. I really do like your "somewhere...

After really deciding to become better, I have been getting and seeking help and any type of treatment available to me. To the point my psych doctor and T have been discussing with each other how much more compliant and active I have been about seeking treatment. I have reached this point...

Thank you, Friday. You're right. Deep down I know this is temporary like past incidents. I know the details don't really matter at this point and the only thing that does matter is the fact that this has f*cked me up. I have spent a couple of nights in a hotel and have been at a friend's for...

During the 25 years of my life I have experienced many drastic and traumatic incidents. These events have made many physical and psychological changes in me. I have tried and managed through some of the worst/low points in my life trying my best to be in the present, counting my (few)...

Thank you, Friday... I know deep down that I can use this anger to fuel it into something positive but I guess being thrown on my ass for the millionth time AND no longer having a "safe place" to decompress is throwing me into over drive... I will check out the thread. Thank you for that

I might get upset, triggered, stirred up but... I am not a hateful person. The past 2 days, I have woken up angry. With no apparent reason. I guess it's safe to say that I'm no longer "numb" from my most recent trauma/incident. I'm still numb to a degree.. interacting with people, doing...

My vet went through/finished the inpatient TRP/PTSD program at the VA. The VA is a f*cking pain in the ass especially when trying to apply for stuff but I noticed they're pretty quick (compared to before) once you're in the system. The VA my vet was at was pretty nicely set up too.

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You're definitely not alone. There are days where I'm so focused on the positive and feeling at ease/happy that I don't want to go to sleep, because I'm scared that feeling will go away when I wake up. So I fall asleep wishing over and over again that I wake up with that same positivity. It's...

Very true words! Depression is a d*amn good liar. The moments when I dissociate and have the feeling of giving up are my "crisis moments". I've been able to prevent myself from reaching that point but I do need to find other/better ways of releasing..

Thank you for your reply. I realize my trauma is important/significant enough to have affected me. My (now) ex used to say that to me all the time... I really am trying. I've spent more days in bed the past 2-3 weeks than out of bed. I've finally managed to get myself to the gym tonight, not...

Very true. Thank you for your reply. I really try to not be a bitter person who is angry at the world. It really isn't anyone's fault that I have a constant streak of unfortunate events. Not to mention having my heart broken on top of everything else? It's honestly exhausting though.. to...

@hodge Definitely am trying :shy: It's just so difficult to get back up especially when it feels like more weight is being added each time. I've also isolated enough to a point that I really don't have anyone left. Another lovely affect of PTSD... :cry: