Jenna Peters
New Here
I posted a little in the introduction but I'll recap a little...I'm currently in a relationship with a former marine with ptsd. When I met him he was a broken person who had this vacant look in his eyes. Now, after almost two months he no longer has that look...there is life in his eyes, he says I did that. He claims picked him up and I make him so happy now. I also have ptsd for entirely different reasons. I was in peices as well when we met from a horrible relationship that broke me and he picked me up ironically and yes, he makes me so happy...happier than Ive ever been...we have this connection I can't explain. It was love at first sight and I don't believe in that at all. So, what's my problem? He doesn't communicate with me very much...I haven't pushed him to share anything with me and I never will until he's ready. Hes starting to open up more and more to me. I'm talking about texting or calling me back. When we are together his attention is mostly on me only...even though he tends to choose to smoke marijuana over spending the limited time we have together. Hes currently in support housing kinda on suicide watch because he tried to commit suicide awhile back ago. I go and see him almost everyday. I dont want to fix him nor am I trying to take on his issues but it rips me apart when he begs me to come see him and then he refuses to see me. I dont know why. He also sometimes drinks and gets so drunk he's falling everywhere and I dont want to see that because the first time I saw it i had to literally carry him out to the car and it hurt me to see that. I dealt with an alcoholic for 9 years and don't need it again. I know he doesn't mean to do things like that to me. I just love him so much. I know he loves me too, he tells me all the time.. I understand it's a demon he can't control. He also self harms too but he knows the cutting bothers me so he reduced to a rubberband....I never asked him to do that. I never even mentioned his self harming. He brought it up and told me he did that for me. It's a emotional roller-coaster with him and I'm not going to give up on him so easy but I just don't know how to cope with all this when im dealing with my own issues. I know, me first. When I am with him, I'm so happy and so content though but, as it is right now I'm going to take a GIANT step back and breathe. He's leaving for two weeks to visit his family for christmas so maybe the distance will be good for us.
