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That is so much like my experience! It was partially the fact that people acted like nothing was happening that was traumatizing! It was surreal and like you say it seemed like, 'a figment of my imagination'. Then my friends couldn't understand why I cried all week and wasn't my usual self. The...

I am no pharmacologist, obviously ;-).But If the mania is at least partially drug induced then possibly you could have adhd exacerbating the side effects. As I understand, it is classic adhd to go up with drugs that are more sedative and down with drugs that are more stimulants. Really I know...

That is an enlightening perspective, thank you Albatross. The ambulance took an hour, something to remember in Mexico. I later realized what you are saying, but it took me years. Honestly, no matter how traumatized or reluctant, I cannot help myself. I simply am the person that immediately...

Yes, not recently. But about 15 years ago on a trip to Mexico the waiter fell to the floor. I was the only one that got up to help him and I immediately knew he was dying. I had taken CPR but suddenly couldn't remember it. I yelled at my friend to run down the beach yelling for a doctor while I...

It may be a title that makes no sense, but it seems our rolls have been reversed since I was born. My mom showered me with love, as long as I took care of her and punished me when I didn't. Really it is still that way. So it feels like my job has always been to nourish her infantile persona...

omg I am glad to see this post. I have the exact same reaction to all anti-depressants, well ssri's anyway. I have tried them all, and the ones that aren't ssri's like Welbutrin, I am allergic to. I settled on Zoloft in my late 20's but realized the mania was creating worse havoc than the...

I posted a thread in December about my mother wanting me to die and the attempts by her and her husband to force me to sign over most of my net wort. I am penniless these days alive, but dead am worth about a mil. I haven't spoken to them since and they left on a vacation to Asia for 3 months...

Hi SrongerNow. I am online but relocated to the Sierras, at least for awhile. But if I return would love some local friends!

My family, or those I used to call such, have been the least helpful and understanding people I have encountered in this trauma. Finally accepting their inability to be anything remotely supportive, I release them from any expectation. I explain nothing, give nothing, expect nothing and am...

Welcome. I wouldn't consider myself as belonging, but perhaps more here than most places. I remember very little for the last 4 years, which is something hard to grasp. But I hear a tiny bit of your story and think, of course you haven't let it in until recently. That is more than most humans...

Not sure about the mini part but I noticed in my early 20's that my panic attacks were really the suppression of information that overwhelmed me. Once I realized the panic attacks were worse than the information I let it in . I haven't had one since although I do have anxiety attacks very...

Thanks for the kind warm messages. I am posting signs everywhere and forcing myself to continue to search for my cat with hope. I moved away from my shrink of 8 years because of finances. We skype once a month. I haven't found another therapist here, but I am broke and until I get insurance...

I can't escape the chaos. It is the only constant remaining in my life. The unthinkable, the plague of pain and problems. Forced to rent out my home due to the constant barrage, the plumbers that show up refuse to leave after raising the price $600, escalating to threatening me with " I know...

My mom is away on a trip in Asia for 3 months but she returns in a few weeks. I have battled suicidal ideation since the assaults in 2009. I've had suicidal thoughts my whole life but only a plan since the crimes. I am at the zero to 100 point with suicide, meaning that I either do not feel...

Wow! It was near 80 today and that looks refreshing!

Oh my yes! In spite of still not being sure I will survive long, I wouldn't change a thing. The foremost change is that my intuitive voice is much clearer. It comes more easily and loud, regardless of the convenience of its message. I have lost mostly everyone in my life, leaving as they...

Thanks so much. I have my good days and bad days like all of us. I am grateful for the support and appreciate feeling less alone. I hope to someday again know what it is like to not translate shame to self harm. I am fighting tooth and nail ;-)

Tried it with no results that I could notice. But admittedly I need more dramatic measures to deal with my suicidal ideation. But I have heard of people feeling significantly better....

I don't remember a good part of 3 years and semi woke up having no idea what year it was, how old I was, etc. I still have time loss, with occasional checking back into this worldly time frame, and any small trigger sends me back to weeks of timelessness. It is extremely difficult for me to keep...

For the first time since 2009 and my 3 sexual assaults I have been relating and involved with men. I went out of my way to explain my situation and understandable fears to a couple men of interest. What I have noticed increases my fear is their avoidance of the trauma subjects I bring up. I...

I thought it might be worth mentioning the dramatic help I have received through the book and audio cd "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. I have listened to it over 200 times since 2009 and I still listen to it several times a week. He is an amazing theorist, summarizing our intuition into...

Hi! are you westside by any chance?

I just saw, thank you so much! I actually am cured. But because it took so long, my mild auto-immune condition became severe. But I so appreciate the knowledge and help. Truly!

I have the nightmares more toward morning hours it seems and it is usually going back to sleep when I feel the highest anxiety. Have you ever had to do the exercise a few times a night?

Above all, realizing people don't get it, has been the most difficult aspect of my ptsd. You have certainly struck a nerve. Thank you for bringing it up! I work diligently developing self protection in the area of disclosure as I had before the 3 crimes in 2009. Oddly, my verbal boundaries left...