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Again, can't figure out how to get there, and couldn't afford it if I wanted to

My awesome T has gone into hiding for the duration of Covid-19, since he and his entire family are all high-risk. Honestly can't blame him for that. However, with all my other social coping mechanisms shut down as well, I'm back in forced isolation (trigger), and living in PTSD trigger-hell. I...

I've just opened up about the depth of my trauma to my therapist, after 7 years of seeing him. It took me that long to get to the point I could articulate what I actually went through. I still don't feel much connected with the trauma, only that I need to deprogram my brain so I can move on...

Now that I've actually had a video session with my T, I can comment in this thread. Before this, we had phone sessions whenever necessary, but I'm not a fan of phone calls since I need the practice of watching facial cues and body language. Also, I need to watch lips move so I can fully...

My therapist's office is still open, but they won't let you in if you're showing ANY symptoms of anything communicable, and meet you at the door with hand sanitizer. They have an option available for phone/video sessions if requested, but right now they're staying open. This is to help mitigate...

My cousin does Human Design readings for a living, so she did my chart. You're right, it is FASCINATING stuff! Explained me to a T. I'm a 2/4 Generator. Esoteric studies have really helped me with my recovery. I grew up in a spiritually traumatic religion, but I stepping away from that was...

"Could you find another topic to drone on about? I didn't pay good money to hear about energy healing technical theory, and I'm bored..." Almost said this today, but it really was good info. Just not directly mental health related...

I would love to know this too, as I've NEVER been able to visualize on demand. I see images sometimes (autistic brain), but when asked to visualize something specific, can't do it. Never really could. Drives my T nuts, since his methodology is based on meditation techniques. I'm working on this...

I've been dealing with suicidality for the better part of 20 years. I still have moments when it goes "active" and I have to take special precautions that I don't act on the thoughts or feelings. After lots of years of therapy and self-care, I can keep it pretty passive, although there isn't a...

When my T took his sabbatical from practicing during his cancer treatments, we had been having phone sessions about the break up until he stopped. It helped. What also helped was he posted updates on his Web page so his concerned clients could know he was still alive (a request I had made)...

My T had cancer about 18 months ago. He kicked cancer's ass, but it took a lot out of him. He came back into practice, but it still took him a while to "really" come back. I know how hard it is to go through that with your T. I hope you two can come to a peaceful place together. This is a tough...

I had something like that my last semester of college, but it was more of a cognitive burnout/breakdown situation. I suddenly couldn't make sense of even the most basic picture menu in a restaurant, let alone my honors-level psych classes! I had to beg for help from my profs, and a couple of...

I haven't figured out how to navigate this one yet. Just wanted to say I feel you here, and it really sucks. Dealing with this is a big part of why I can't keep a job more than a year or so. Well, I just celebrated my 1-yr anniversary at work last month, but I'm really struggling to hang on to...

That is a huge accomplishment!!! Congratulations!!!!

My SD was trained to ground me when I dissociated or was anxious. He used physical touch to interrupt. He was trained to stand behind me in lines, and find family members in stores. I didn't really train this, but he'd get me up and walking when I was ruminating too hard. Walking seemed to...

Oh, probably. When he had to take a break from practicing while he dealt with cancer, I found myself pretty obsessive about knowing his status. Constantly checking with mutual acquaintances to make sure he wasn't dead, crying when he posted updates on his website, things like that. However, I...

I honestly can't explain it, and my T had to do some real work to make touch a thing I could tolerate. When I first started to see him I had some SERIOUS hang-ups about touch, including that "freeze" response you mentioned, but in an early session he did some fast desensitization, and pushed...

After 10 years of therapy, I've realized that my ability to access and express emotions is directly influenced by safe touch. My therapist is able to use this info, but it doesn't work all the time. Actually FEELING any connection to my T? Hit or miss at best. Usually no, at least not in the...

As a fellow Autistic, I totally get where you're coming from, and am currently in talks with my T along the same lines. NT's just don't get how excruciatingly difficult and painful it is for us to see others connecting on a level we can't manage to find. Tack on the trauma piece, and its a...

My parents gave me a very strong work ethic, and an education that has helped me find my own answers to many problems. Thanks to them, I now think for myself. They developed my natural persistence in the face of hardship. I always had clothes, food, and books. My brother has always been my best...

I got that book as a gift from my aunt who just started private practice as a therapist. I'd been wanting to read it for a long time, and had been able to sit in on a couple of seminars the author taught at a job I had a while back. I LOVED this book, although I had to read it slowly as some...

My T is always checking on our relationship in the office. If he noticed I had a reaction to something, or didn't respond the way he expected, he'll apologize very quickly. Usually its him offering apologies first, which is good because I know he's not going to be defensive if I bring up...

I can't do ANY anti-depressants, and feel the negative effects within a dose or two. Yes, sensitive systems can tell immediately when you put something in that isn't good for you. While its nice to have a doc that will just prescribe anything you want, the fact that he SAID what he did means I'd...

I can't take anti-depressants either. I'm on Buspirone, which seems to work pretty well and is a designated anti-anxiety medication. Since it just takes the edge off, I've looked into holistic methods of reducing anxiety and found several foods and herbs that work very well. I'm a huge fan of...

I struggle with suicidality on a daily basis. I know what triggers it to go active, and I have plans in place to keep myself alive as long as possible. The hard part is, I see how society is not helping, and my unique challenges will never be accommodated at this rate. Suicide feels like an...