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Fight with my eating disorder. I'm so hungry I want to cry but I feel like a fat piece of shit. So I hit myself instead. I'm getting tired of all this.

https://youtu.be/S4s-kGT5bFo

You'll be ok.

Someone to even pretend I'm not unwanted or unlovable. I barely feel human.

Bought some killer weed. I took a week break to clear my head. Life is just easier when I'm baked.

I wish I could say something but I haven't left the house. Yesterday I gave a panhandler some change. But I always do that.

Books. Reading is pretty much keeping me alive at the moment.

Ya I'm better now. Went for a walk. Took a nap. One of those I-can't-even-stand-to-be-conscious naps. It helped. Having a hoot now and watching South Park. A laugh would be nice. Thank you for all your replies. I'm sure it won't be the last time.

Yes I know all the resources in my city. Thank you for understanding. This day may have been the worst yet.

I'm in a bad place today and part of me knows that I should be in the hospital for my own safety. I've never done that before. I'm terrified it will open up the final door that makes me officially "crazy". The idea of being away from my place, my safe spot, my things, makes me want to puke. I...

I read really heavy books. History. Politics. Something I can lose myself in and focus on. I just started an Orlando Figes book about the Russian revolution.

Another thread on the internet ruined by politically-correct horseshit. Thanks.

Maybe that's what I need to recognize. I've always felt a struggle between who I believe I really am, total loner introvert, vs what I've been told and what's been expected of me, always have someone, being alone is pathetic, don't be a loser etc. I have moments of such existential f*cking...

I miss my ex wife. Laughing together. Having our own language. I'm scared I've really damaged myself beyond repair. I'm grateful for downloading the complete South Park collection because I need to laugh so bad. Tired of being alone. Don't have five today.

Been doing serious research on weed and have come to appreciate it. I was an 80s stoner so it's not as if I'm coming in clueless. But I stopped for years and years. Starting using again last year on a reg basis after researching. It helps me. I feel calmer. Relaxed. It's helping me ease off...

My T is perfectly accurate when he tells me that my radar is set to a certain type of woman. Damaged. Unattainable. Sexualized. Filled with neuroses and pathologies. I never disagree with him but I always wonder, what the hell else am I going to be attracted to? I was this way long before...

I spent my entire life trying to be honest in all the important ways. Yes I told white lies about ass-size or to get out of some mundane issue but I never lied about big things. At work, at school, relationships, I was honest to a fault. Literally. Ive actually incriminated myself at work due to...

I literally have nothing. And I've been sitting here thinking about it. Jesus.

Surgically remove the part that makes us feel lonely. I'm so tired of it.

Try to seriously read. Books are my life and this has made it so difficult. No concentration. Feel exhausted. Don't want to think. This is a particularly cruel aspect of PTSD

Human touch. Still.

Sadness

There are few things more normie and boring than yoga. Even if I was healthy I wouldn't do it.

I've started punching myself in the face. I would slap myself when I was a teenager due to cryer anger. I hadn't done it in decades. The last few months I've been hitting myself when my emotions or anxiety get too intense. It's all I can do to stop me from destroying my place. I recently punched...

And this is the post that shows me the door. I will not tolerate this buzzword drivel and victimhood rubbish. Thanks for f*cking up this place as well.