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My sleep last night was medicated, so yes, dreamless and the night passed by very quickly. I was still quite blue today, just super lonely after that agonizing day yesterday. I think I just want this Thanksgiving to be over with. I took the dog out for a walk in an attempt to tire him out this...

@scout86, my hubby's phone number was reassigned within a week of my terminating his account, it belongs to a non-English speaker now. I would love to just text him and tell him how lonely I am and how much I miss him but I can't because I'd be bothering the new owner of that number. I thought...

I'm doing exactly what my husband would have been doing on a friday night off work, laptop on lap, hockey game on tv, drink balancing precariously on the couch and ipod in hand. I'm not in his spot though. @scout86, the meds the vet gave the dog were oral, so he reacted with diarrhea and...

@scout86, the dog's paws seem to be the only thing affected - the dr put him on ketaconozole on his first ever vet visit and he reacted almost immediately, so I went to vinegar/water/peroxide dips for his feet (terrifies him!). Two weeks later on his next vet visit she just took a fleeting look...

@gizmo, I bought the pie pumpkins on a whim, 4 for $3 so I was in a better frame of mind then. I was also good that morning so, the pie stuff was done in a motivated phase. I usually make pie from scratch every year, it's just so much harder this year because I now have to eat an entire pie to...

I'm still sad, not as bad as earlier but it's still there. Tomorrow may have to be a running away day for me and the dog, no chores, no responsibility, just get the heck outta dodge....or maybe I'll just sleep the day away. Took the dog for a late evening walk in the dark so people wouldn't...

My day was going well then at dinner I was ambushed by grief. I'm very, very sad right now, I just wish I had someone I could call up and say, "Can you come over and just sit with me for awhile." It hurts so bad right now. I was okay all day, maybe I did too much. I did two hours volunteering...

So I found out that my brother has to get his eye operation redone for the thousandth time in a month because his IOP keeps spiking up. I found this out in a round about way because I commented on his SIL's post and said I was glad it was just his eye, it sounded like he was dying or something...

So this morning I log onto fb and see that everyone is asking for prayers for my brother. My phone is still silent, my cell doesn't have any texts on it, there's no email or instant messages and no voicemails. Ummm, thanks a lot family. I don't know what's going on. I just replied that they...

My husband used to tell me that when he was a kid his dad would tickle them until they couldn't breathe and he would get scared and have to actually fight back because stop didn't work but STILL he would try to continue tickling them. He said being tickled was a scary thing when he was a kid...

Thanks @gizmo, the dog and I are still on shaky ground with one another he knows I'm angry/upset so he's keeping his distance and watching me with sad eyes. I need sleep. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. A woman made comment today in a discussion how she feels unsafe mentioning her level of...

I wrote this first thing this morning; "8 months today. 8 months and one day ago, I woke up, kissed, hugged, smiled and laughed with the man I loved. That happiness would only last a few short hours until a physiotherapist told him he had an enlarged heart on x-Ray and destroyed his entire view...

@Gadgie, exactly, crowds I can't do, group seems highly intimidating and anxiety provoking to me and my counselor is only available via telephone - I long for a one on one sit down with someone who actually understands. My counselor gets all agitated and overly concerned if I start to mention...

@Sandstone, it's been a month but I really have to take a serious look at my financial situation, I've got more "big expenses" coming up (vehicle) etc. Sadly one thing I've learned over the past 8 years is that no psychologist can wave a magic wand and suddenly you're better. Since I can only...

I really love my mind, today I stood staring at a note pad and wondering what in heck I was supposed to write down for things to do today - WRITE THE EMAIL ABOUT THE LAPTOP! Instead I wrote, sweep/wash/vacuum. Uggh. One woman on an online support group went over the details of her husband's...

@scout86 I'm at a loss, my husband would have known, he was the tech guy, he had his people he could reach out too. It's also an older model Alienware from Dell, so I don't know if anyone in this area would have been into those, they're not exactly common. Uggh, wish i could just show it to...

@seedling yes, I did google it. There are a million and one youtube videos of people completely disassembling these laptops, why I'll never know, but there are no videos of how to fix cracked screen / hinges on his particular laptop. I wouldn't even try it if I could. The sad thing is, he has...

I'm considering writing an email to the company that makes the laptops and explain to them what happened and let them know that he died and this means a lot to me. I don't know though, I feel like I'm begging for charity. I also don't know if I want to spend the money it will cost to get it...

I broke his laptop. I feel like he just died all over again. His laptop was always broken where the screen attaches to the base, one side came out when he dropped it for the third time on the floor. So the sad thing is, it was already broken so I was being so careful ever since he died because...

@gizmo, each year I would make him his favorite dinner and his favorite dessert, chocolate cake. Last fall he told me that he didn't really like chocolate cake all that much, he loved my apple crisp more, he said his favorite dessert was chocolate cake until he had my apple crisp. I had...

I'm in a bad phase. Everywhere are memories. Every street, every store, every meal just everywhere I look is a memory of him doing something and hitting me with a huge He's Gone. He's gone and I'll never laugh like that with him again. He won't make me laugh the way he did ever again. It makes...

Rough day today. Sister is here for the week, well two more days. She really gets on my nerves sometimes. Shopping, she does not understand that I am not her and thus will not like the same things she likes and sometimes I swear she reminds me of an evil high school kid who tries to get you to...

I went to get my husbands and my taxes done today. I cried during it. Oh and almost cried when they told me how much it was going to cost. I had no income, I get nothing back and it COST me $125 to be told that. I never should have taken mine, I could have done it myself for free. They also...

Finally home again. We left early before light because my sister was heading in to work. It's just before 8 am and the dog and I have already completed a near 2 hour journey - he doesn't mind, he loves being in the vehicle now. I am still tired, but can never sleep once I wake up. So the...

Very busy day today. Emotional pilgrimage we made; at least, it was for me. So exhausted, were essentially on the road for almost 10 hours today. Will update more later. Really missed him today.