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Yoga day 2, and it's helping a lot. Getting my day started with a 45 min moving meditation is amazing. I realized today I have to work to be ok. Yes, just to be ok while I'm going through all of this healing stuff. I realized part of why I've been upset about this thing in my past is I wished I...

Oh my gosh as I read this all I could think was "I love this person so much." I am so sorry for your pain, and yes it did put my own into perspective. I am in AA, but for a long time did smoke marijuana for pain, and it helped so much, but now I am sober, so that's a no go. I will keep you in my...

This song came out around the time I was trying to get over my trauma "I alone love you" it's stuck in my head. I don't like it. I did yoga today and started meditating with it. I will get back into shape. Being this size bothers me. I may not be a size 0 ever again, but a 4 will do. This is...

I want to cry almost all the time even when I'm happy. I'm wondering if it's a little left over from DID, being split in two. When I was 31 maybe 32 I jumped back into my body, and kept flipping out inside because I went from 17 to 30 something, but I did the work to make it better and...

Thanks. I'm so much better right now. This move has been tough on me, and my apartment doesn't feel like home yet. But, I'll be ok. I can make it through this. I could give you a huge hug right now Kubash. Thanks again. I'm going to read your diary for a while.

I do take.responsibility for being a juvenile delinquent and doing what I did. I can't help anything now about the past. I wasn't raised to be like that by my parents or siblings. My siblings told me all.guys want is sex and don't put out. My parents kept it quiet no sex talk and just said wait...

I can't sleep I hate this. I don't know how I'm gonna do this. Get on the antipsychotic and lose my hair, have my hormones wack all.just not to feel, or what live like this. It hurts so bad to get singled out and treated differently poorly worse than others. I wish I had my mom growing up when I...

They made fun of how f*cked up I was at 17. I had gotten over that guy and didn't know I was being stalked. Being stalked messes people up. I was getting healthier, but still had issues. They say it's all my faut. That I'm mentally ill. That I should have liked it. I should have liked people...

New year, and I was happy to bring it in. I have some goals with my ptsd and mental health this year. The first goal is to deal with life now that I'm not in antipsychotics. They made everything ok, and put me in a bubble, but ended up having too many side effects. I was kinda high honestly; not...

Just talked.with my Mom. Probably shouldn't have. My parents out me in rehab two months after I turned 13 even though my Mom was a fall down, pass out, pee in the bed drunk. My mom did quit drinking while I was in there, but from that day forward in my house I was the alcoholic. I told her I...

It's been a good productive day. No real flashbacks today. Some.negative self thoughts, but not many. I go back and forth from all victim to all deserving of what happened in the past. I honestly was just a f*cked up ashamed kid. At 41 I honestly have no idea how adults did that to someone so...

I will. When I read stories of others who have been hurt it helps. If I had been anyone else sometimes I think I would have liked what happened to me and I would have sold sex for a position of money and to advance in life, but all I saw was the casting couch, and psychopaths behind them far...

Good point they do a lot, and had much training before being tortured in Chinese prisons. I am not a monk, but can improve using the techniques you mention. Thank you again people like you help so much.

While in my last ptsd episode I got flashbacks about the drugs I did as a coping mechanism when I was young. I got just as horrified as my worst trauma. I get nightmares now about smoking pot, drinking, and the worst of them all coke/Crystal meth. I used to get ashamed of the scares on my wrist...

Thank you Kubash. About the Buddhist thing. I have read quite a few cases where the monks were grateful for their suffering, and that is part of why they don't have ptsd. I try to be like that, and when I'm in a ptsd episode it does hurt me. I am also a westerner so my deep seeded beliefs are...

I am long winded on this site. Things are better and I'm back to functional. I have decided to be more proactive about my ptsd. I had a rough one growing up that affected me and my decisions as a teenager. And the past 20 years has honestly been getting over that. I have had some bad stuff...

I was driven insane. Hugs I understand.

Started my period today. Everything so so much better. I need to find a way to deal with that. Exorcise or birth control of some type mybe? I have spent a lot of time with my amazing nieces. If my life head been different then everything would have been different then I wouldn't have them, but...

I used to burn myself with cigarettes at 15. I was on prozac which years later due to a genetics test found out its a big no no because of side effects. The problem with self harming is every time you see the scares you are reminded of past pain you were in. I did a ton of self harming...

Is it my ptsd, or just that depressed, sad, and tired pms I suffer from that makes my mind cycle through the past nonstop? I started early this month, and as soon as I started I was like oh ok less sad hormones. I am not sure how to deal with this problem. Or, how to separate the feeling from...

I have been physically raped a couple of times, and honestly the non-consensual "show" was worse than being raped. When your raped they get their dick out of you eventually, but what I went through went on for years. I couldn't get away, and it's never going to be ok. A few years ago I did f*ck...

This has been a long exhausting cycle. I am exhausted and in physical pain. I can tell it's ptsd because I'm reliving it like it's brand new almost. Well maybe not but reliving it with different emotions. I guess it felt like that Steven king Carey movie. For my high school prom this is what I...

Writing about this has been really good for me, even if I'm long winded and make no sense. I owe some people an apology. In my primitive defense mechanisms I went into a psychosis, and didn't understand. I was told I was crazy, and I honestly didn't know if a bad LSD trip that really made me...

Looking at how other people were treated and I was treated its obvious that they saw me as less that, stupid, and didn't give a f*ck about me only about how awesome they were. No one stopped and said "are you ok" or "can I talk to you." It's not that I was unwilling I was scared and felt...

Working through it. The people involved and the time in that industry didn't treat women very well. I knew that. I also knew what was going on was very dominant male. I did go nuts as a primitive form of self protection. I was raised by a man who had seen real combat real jungle insane combat...