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I am just realizing at age 35 how my childhood has effected my life in so many ways. My Mom died ten years ago & I am now not only grieving the loss of her (because she died at a time in my life when I was already in the midst of a crisis/leaving a domestic violence situation & shut down/never...

Thank you! I'm finding that diving right into EMDR with a very complex trauma history has not been very effective for me so far...this makes me feel a little better because I've been feeling like it's my fault that it's not "working" yet. I thought I was doing something wrong!

I had a really bad experience with this a few years ago too. I didn't know at the time that I had PTSD, but it was very, very painful & I was covered in sweat before it was over. I'm so sorry you had a similar experience.

Thank you for your responses. I haven't sent it yet, but maybe when I have another bad night I will type some things out. I guess one of my biggest issues is that I don't know HOW to let anyone in. I feel like my pain should be hidden & no one should ever have to experience it with me. Like you...

Here's what I would want to say...because when I'm in her office with her all I seem to know how to do is shut down. I use humor (like always), or my mind simply disappears instead of feeling any emotions. I don't know how to break down these walls I've built to let her in, even though I...

My T discussed emotional honesty with me & talked about how my lack of emotional honesty might make it hard for to be authentic...so I'm feeling like a fake too. It's never been safe to express my emotions so I learned not to feel anything.

My classes are all online, so I can safely work from home. ;) I don't really get depressed when the semester starts, but maybe a little overwhelmed. Honestly, I think I thrive during times of high stress in my life because that's all I've ever known. When things settle down I get anxious...

Interesting! I think this is very true & makes a lot of sense. It's interesting that some people use alcohol (myself included) to try & "numb" emotions when in fact, all alcohol does is intensify emotions whether you know you are feeling them or not. This is why I was always the drunk girl in...

I understand completely!! I have recently started therapy & I am already discouraged because I don't even know where to begin.

I also worry that the emotions will come flooding back like they have before in the past. I am a single mom, I HAVE to work & take care of my child. I don't have time to go days being barely able to function or an emotional wreck.

I understand this completely @lostforgottensoul ! I've done the same thing my entire life & I'm having a very hard time connecting with my feelings & emotions in therapy. I can talk about horrible things & not feel anything! I also worry that I will never feel again or that it will be so...

When I was in high school there was a principal that used to call me into his office, get me out of class, give me gifts, soft drinks, etc. & talk to me about boys or his family. He made me feel special & I was very naive & vulnerable at that time. Occasionally he would give me hugs that were...

I am a grinder not only at night, but during the day too. Spent $400 on a custom mouth guard at the dentist & I woke up with it shattered in my mouth due to grinding! The molars on my left side are close to the nerves being exposed. :( I've done it since I was a little girl. Wish I had some...

Congratulations!! Huge accomplishment!

It's really tough when you finally realize as an adult that you were always punished for normal behaviors & your whole life has been affected because of it! Times when I should have been really happy or excited, I've been too afraid!!

So good to know that I'm not alone @Zippy14 ! & I've wondered that too about how anxiety IS a feeling. I guess your feelings HAVE to come out one way or another.

I feel the same way at times...it's comparable to walking around naked! Feelings leave you exposed!

I loved this show!! Watched the entire season last weekend. That's impressive because it's rare that I can sit still & stay focused for that amount of time! :)

@Kome I think the anxiety is so uncontrollable at times, that I am unable to suppress it anymore. I think when I was younger I was able to control the anxiety better, but I'm at a breaking point recently where there's nothing I can do at times to control it. I have definitely suppressed...

This is a great place to not feel so alone. It's not always about complaining, but it is a safe place to share your thoughts and feelings without judgement and to receive validation that you are not alone when you feel like you are! I've found it to be a great place to share things. I'm 35...

The more aware I become of myself and my thoughts & feelings, the more I am realizing that any emotion that I have (whether positive or negative) manifests itself as anxiety. I'm excited about Christmas morning with my son....& I feel like my brain can't process that. I have been a nervous...

I completely understand. Even though I suffered verbal, emotional and physical abuse by my parents in childhood, sexual abuse by multiple adults in childhood, and then as an adult I was in a very violent marriage for six years...I still question whether or not it was "bad enough." If it's still...

I learned.... -I have C-PTSD :( -Drinking is only a temporary band-aid for emotional pain & causes a lot more problems in my life. -It's okay to feel, and to have my own opinions and thoughts. -I have trouble with intimacy/close relationships. -I have severe trust issues. -I have the...

I guess I'm disassociating? Just like when I told her about all of the trauma...I was able to do so without any emotion or feeling. Like I was telling her about a trip to the grocery store! I just felt like a robot...forcing the awful words to come out of my mouth but I was just numb. I told...

I had my first EMDR session today. I've seen this T for a month now & this visit was my 6th. I've felt pretty comfortable with her so far, but today all the comfort was gone! I felt totally awkward & uncomfortable looking at the lights & I didn't even know what to say or what to think about...