Medical Struggling After Really Unfortante Gyno Visit

[turtlemoon]

After being sexually assaulted 6 months ago Inwas really nervous about going in for a pap smear, and also decided an IUD would be the best option for me. I was scared out of my wits, but the benefits of this particular IUD outweighed that. I have decent insurance, but dis not feel comfortable going to my regular male doctor. Instead, I went to a clinic that I have over a decade of experience with.

I told them what had happened to me, that I had a regular doctor but there because of trust issues. That I have never been pregnant, and was scared. The doctor assured me she would talk me through the process and it would be quick.

Well, she didn't and it wasn't. She had a heck of a time getting the IUD in, and kept having to use sounding rods to try to open things up. It was extremely painful, and during this she stopped telling me what was up during... a few times I heard her muttering about my cervix not opening and needing to try some other tool to force it. So, lying there holding this other clinician's hand, not sure what is happening, hurting like mad and crying, I try to be brave and carry on. She did ask a couple times if I wanted to stop, but I was determined to keep going.

Eventually, gets to the point that the pain is more intense than anything I had ever felt. I had no idea what she was doing, and thought it was still just her trying to get my cervix to open. Pain worse than all my sexual assaults combined, this is after 30 minutes on the table, 20 minutes of messing with my cervix, and my mind flashed back completely. All of a sudden, the nurse holding my hand became in my mind a hand pinning me down. I had intense flashbacks of years of trauma, everything. I wailed for her to stop. And she did. Which hey, that is good.... but then after and I mean immediately after and before she even bothered removing the speculum she tells me how she had just gotten the IUD in, and that she only needed 30 seconds for the tool to release and it would have been over. I was shocked.... like, she couldn't have told me it was the IUD? Couldn't have given me a moment to prepare for what was to come? Couldn't have communicated that it was almost over, and asked if I had another 30 seconds left in me?

I broke down even harder. I am uninsurable if the ACA's bit about preexisting conditions gets canned. My PTSD is such that I havent been able to leave the house out of fear, let alone work and I have no idea how long my coverage will hold out or if I will be able to go back. My periods have always required hormonal BC to keep them from being horrific, and with my current issues I forget the pill constantly and it messes my body up. Oh yeah, and I get psychosomatic pain in my genitals and rectal area as a weird flashback symptom, and it totally ruins my entire day... the IUD would have lessened my menstrual symptoms, which are especially hard for me now after the assault. 2 weeks now of cervical cramps, and no IUD to show for it.

Lying there after on that table, I was utterly consumed with the most intense self loathing I have ever felt. 30 more seconds. Half a minute. It was as if my mind and body had yet again failed me. Just another stark reason why I can never trust either again. She tried to assure me nothing was wrong, that my anatomy was fine and that I didn't need to be concerned over tears of perforations. She totally missed the point.

Then, I find out after the fact that for women like myself who have never had children, most doctors prescribe medication that dilates the cervix, and local anesthetics are often used as well. I did call afterwards and found that this clinic doesn't offer either, but.... they knew my history. Knew I had alternate healthcare options. And yet... they didn't talk to me about it?? I feel like they did a rush job and didnt take the time to provide good counsel...

And now, I doubt my insurance will pay for another one. I told one of my friends with an IUD about this and her jaw dropped. Even after having 2 kids, she was given a prescription dilation drug. Hers was less than a 10 minute ordeal.

I ended up crying on that damn table nearly an hour. Then drove around until I couldn't and found some street to park and bawl my eyes out in waiting for my partner to get off work. I missed my therapy session that evening. When I do get to sleep I sleep heavily and seldom remember dreams, but that night I had nightmares so intense I woke myself up screaming.

I realize my PTSD makes this so much worse, and that that part isnt the clinics fault. I do not know how much if any I can blame on the clinic or if this is just another thing were I and I alone have to carry the blame. Maybe I should talk to them, I hate even complaining here because this organization means the world to me. But oh my god... this is right up there as a trauma incident in my psyche and I just do not know what to do. Last night I wrote about one of my assaults on here... writing about this was so much worse and made me bawl.

 

[Leighlee87]

I struggled through the IUD too. It wasn't anything near as painful as what you experienced. I did have a really hard time with the length of the process though. About half way through, I started to fight back tears. I'm so sorry it ended up being a terrible experience for you. Hugs.

 

[Friday]

Nope. I'm going to completely blame the clinic, here. For one thing an IUD should only be inserted during your menses, so your damn cervix already IS open. That's per school of gynecological surgery basic standards & protocol. Next, that they didn't talk with you about alternatives (dilatory drugs & anesthetic)? Is unconscionable. Anesthetics beyond the simple spray are often contraindicated with rape victims, because they hurt one whole helluva lot more than the clamp (really, 10/10 bone breaking drilling a nerve in a tooth level pain at each needle insertion, and there are several needles, because if you don't numb the entire cervix there's no point to even one of them), and are prone to inducing flashbacks and worse (so are usually reserved for things like surgery, LEEPs, etc. only, not just a clamp grip), but it should have at least been presented to you. Both before, and the moment it became more than clamp-slip-unclamp-done and they went reaching for other tools. Ditto muscle relaxers (standard protocol with IUDs for 3-4 months, to prevent cramping and expulsion during menses), antianxiety, meds for during the procedure, and pain meds prior/after. Some of those are this or that, not together, but that none of them were even discussed? Sounds typical of this hack :mad: . I am beyond furious on your behalf. I don't effing care if it's a free clinic. No one, absolutely no one, deserves to be treated like that. f*cking coat hanger abortions in back alleys have gone better. :mad:

ETA ... If this is planned parenthood, this was a political move on their parts, years back, as a cost saving measure. It's been outcried against by most OBGyns, and the teaching staff at most Universities, but dropped during the last attempt to close PP down, as their not needing bad press & their promises to stop / rescind the policy in exchange for not going über public with it. :shifty: f*ck. That. If they've brought that stupid f*cking policy back I am absolutely livid. And will be passing the word through the university. We were told they'd stopped taking those shortcuts on women's health. Lying sacks of shit. Informed consent is not an ethical "maybe". It's not something you keep quiet to save a few bucks at the expense of women's health. :mad:

 

[BoN-bOn]

I had a really bad experience with this a few years ago too. I didn't know at the time that I had PTSD, but it was very, very painful & I was covered in sweat before it was over. I'm so sorry you had a similar experience.

 

[turtlemoon]

I had just started my menses a few hours prior... but it was still super super light. They made no effort to let me know about that during scheduling either. And my insurance paid for it... all of it. I have actual real Blue Cross Blue Shield through my employer, not the ACA and get no sliding scale benefits either.

 

[turtlemoon]

I trusted them... and walked out of there without that, and with even less trust in my own mind and body. I don't know what to do, or if I will have to pay out of pocket for BC.

She did tell me before hand it was really food I was on the pill as that would help breakthrough bleeding. Then when I tell her I had just finished my last pill pack, she brushed it off with, "oh never mind then" and more or less ignored me when I tried stammering out my request for some... I told her well if it is a good thing, I mean my insurance would cover it right? And she just brushed it off with oh no, we don't need to worry about that.

 

[turtlemoon]

Friday, I just saw your edit. This was planned parenthood.

What!??? Do you have a link? I need to head out for a moment... will check into that more.

 

[Friday]

Friday, I just saw your edit. This was planned parenthood.

What!??? Do you have a link? I need to...

Not yet. I was in school the last time they tried this bullshit & the professors looped the student body into their lobbying campaign / which is how I know about it, although there may be some press about it. But I'm going to be placing some calls. If they think that they can f*ck women out of fair and equitable healthcare because of the current attitudes of Pro-Women & people being afraid of losing their healthcare? They have another think coming.

It's perfectly fine for them not to offer the options of meds, or other interventions (like guided placement using ultrasound). Just like a dentist doesn't have to offer sedation, but does need to tell patients that oral surgeons, and other dentistries do. It is not fine to deliberately withhold the information that the options are both available elsewhere, & standard practice. It doesn't matter that most women wouldn't opt to go elsewhere or that they're still being paid the same rates by insurance as clinics who do use medications (aka it's double savings. Not spending money on the meds or equipment, but billing as if they are). Informed. Consent.

And the PTSD &/or sexual assault bit? Is a known quantity in women's health, and is to be expected & have appropriate patient care in place. It doesn't make you the one weird patient they have, and how could they be expected to know blah blah blah. The assumption is to treat everyone as if they've been assaulted, until having learned otherwise. Not the inverse. So. Furious.

Okay. Calming down a bit...

You don't need to "complain" per se, but I would very strongly recommend that you insist that due to their flagrant disregard & mishandling that they do not bill you OR your insurance, so that you can have the procedure done elsewhere. If that's not something you feel up to doing? Talk to your GP, or therapist, and ask them to read PP the riot act in your stead. TBH I use that avenue fairly frequently, even when I'm perfectly fine chewing someone out. Because being chewed out by a patient is one thing, being chewed out by another doctor strikes a lot more fear.

 

[turtlemoon]

So, I called earlier today. Asked if they had anesthetic or dilation drugs for IUD's. They said no, and I lost my nerve and ended the call.

Later today, my best friend calls. She is way more assertive than I am. She was told they do have local anasthetic for patients on a case by case basis.

Apparently, a woman with a history of sexual trauma sobbing in agony for 20 minutes on thwir table isn't reason enough. :/

I think, for my own sanity, I need to call them and complain. And insist they not bill my insurance, or something. This is ridiculous.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

OH MY GOSH!!! I know I'm a day late adding on to this thread but @turtlemoon your story could be my story. I've never heard anyone put into writing so accurately.

Obviously some differences, but I too have had a terrible GYN exam, - led to PTSD. For birth control, I also had an IUD inserted the about 6 months after the mess that led to my PTSD. It was a very painful ordeal as well as caused not only flashbacks to the trauma but resurrected other problems from the past that I hadn't thought of in years.

Yes, cramping and bleeding from the IUD continued for quite a few months. Now, I'm into my 5th year and have to have it changed soon. I don't know how to do this. Like you, my cycles were VERY heavy and so the IUD had been fantastic for that.

The last time I had to have an internal gyn exam, I fought the person who was there with me and had to take a sedative to calm me down before the doctor could get anywhere near me - let alone allow anyone to get me on the table.

My fear of anything remotely connected to an exam table of any kind as well as the instruments used are more than I can handle. Just thinking about this is causing me to sweat...

So I hear you. My heart and eyes are crying for you. Huge hugs if you accept.

 

[Powder]

I only had IUDs after a baby. Even then, the 2nd one being put in was painful and more scary for me (likely connected). It also had to come right back out within months due to pain affecting my lower back, and my legs. I literally could not take a walk. I gained weight.

I am no longer a fan of IUDs. I had the copper one. It was great. The new hormone ones, which I had to have removed and which hurt going in so much more (took 5 times longer to "place") have some really bad reviews online similar to mine and some much worse.

Please try to find an older woman Nurse Midwife who will do the copper ones, and give you plenty of support in a consultation and exam prior, and the kinds of medical compassion and nurturing Friday mentioned, during the IUD. I think, Maybe you're too traumatized (your body) to be cool with getting one so soon.

There is a huge difference in an experienced GYN and a new one. Blaming you for (30 seconds) is just ridiculous. She was failing and she knew it. She had to blame you cause she's lousy at her job.

Maybe listen to your body and find a gentler alternative. IUDs are best done at the check up a couple weeks after "delivering" a baby (Delivering sounds so nice.) :laugh:

 

[turtlemoon]

Well, children will never be an option for me...

Well, I called them today. Earlier this morning, asked for a manager and got voicemail. Grrr. I did leave a message, hoping to hear back. If not, I may take this to their social media page. I need to stand up for myself again, and this is a pretty good spot to start.