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I am pretty resistant to talking about the details for the most part. The therapist pushes me slightly, but not too hard. I keep telling her nobody wants to hear about that stuff and everybody will hate me. She keeps asking who needs to hear about it other than her. I feel icky because part of...

I can relate. I often have the urge to "murder the relationship." I think I want to control the therapist's behavior towards me and make it resemble something I am used to. I don't understand or know what to do with someone who acts like she does and it's confusing. Sometimes I just fantasize...

I kind of feel like if the NHS isn't paying for your private therapy, it isn't any of their business and I just wouldn't tell the CPN about my outside treatment. I prefer to be honest, but in this situation, I'm having a hard time believing you have any moral duty to give up private treatment...

Why are you asking this? The claim was that she puts C first. You said I was drawing conclusions based off of distorted thinking. I provided information that this particular conclusion is not an error.

I think we're just going to have to agree to disagree on this. I believe my reaction was predictable, and you and Ronin don't. That's fine with me. I'm kind of confused about why it's so important to convince me otherwise. I would also like to note that I wouldn't have been nearly as upset about...

Yikes, just reading those questions made me squirm. The one I see hasn't asked those, and she doesn't tend to bombard me with so many intense ones at once. Today, she did ask me one that I found intensely uncomfortable, but I don't really know why. We had had a bit of a rupture because I had...

@Sideways Thanks for the suggestions, sideways. My apartment could definitely use some work, and exercise is always good. Luckily for my therapist, she doesn't have a commercial IT system. That would definitely be a nightmare and would probably take a week or more - I was in charge of IT at a...

Well, you're probably right about deducing that she doesn't care about me at all is a leap. However, she considers C to be the "real" person and defers to her wishes. She has asked her on multiple occasions whether she (C) wants her (the therapist) to stop talking to me. So I don't really think...

I'm not going to pretend I'm completely objective on this. My Hashimoto's was triggered when I started taking lithium. I also had a goiter. That was almost 14 years ago. I don't have a goiter anymore. That's because my thyroid has completely atrophied. If I don't take my replacement hormones for...

Yep. I purposely seek out horrible men who basically want to rape me. I have this messed up belief that I'm somehow "winning" because they can't rape me if it was my intention all along for them to treat me like crap. Sometimes I even intentionally play mind games and let them think they...

I work part time for a dog walking agency. The pay isn't awesome, but it's enough for therapy. I also dog sit on Rover. I used to clean an airbnb. All these ways of earning some extra money involve little to no interaction with other people. If you're having a bad day, as long as you can still...

@Ronin No, I'm actually not angry right now. I'm baffled by your seeming lack of self awareness and responding to the illogical, incorrect, and irrelevant statements you have made. Breaking things down and pointing out exactly what you said and how it's in error is not a rant - and definitely...

@Ronin The bizarre conclusion I was referring to was saying I was being unfair for stating she hasn't been sick enough to take any sick days. It was weird for you to jump on that. She has obviously not been sick enough to take sick days because she hasn't taken any. But according to you, I am...

@Ronin I feel like you're being purposely obtuse. I am perfectly aware that I am being irrational, and as I stated in my OP, that awareness is just feeding my anger. Responding with your perspective that I am being unreasonable isn't necessary because I already know and have stated as much. It...

@Ronin How is it unfair to say she hasn't yet taken a sick day? She has had colds, but she hasn't taken off. I doubt I would be angry if she did, but I can't really say how I'd feel since it hasn't happened. But thanks for judging me for stating a fact. @Ronin Also, if you had actually read my...

I don't understand why it's going to take two whole days to move offices. I mean, people move whole apartments in one day. I don't get why it's going to take two days to move one room of stuff to another. The whole practice is moving, but it's not like there are a bunch of extraneous areas. Just...

I hate talking about my feelings, except anger. I feel like I let the therapist in a tiny bit last session because I admitted I cried recently and that something had made me feel scared, which is the height of vulnerability for me. I thought that it was ok, but now I wish I hadn't. I never want...

@Wendell_R Thanks for the suggestions. I think I will try the play doh idea. I'm having a really hard time restraining myself from sending a barrage of angry texts to the therapist to let her know that she's in the doghouse with me and... I don't know. My anger is screaming for me to punish her...

I'm sorry about your shoulder. I understand the urge to proceed with doing something to get started with recovery, but I would think twice about doing exercises given by a chiropractor to rehabilitate an injury. They really don't have the knowledge to provide rehabilitative exercises, and you...

The therapist is ditching me next week because she's moving offices. I feel enraged. I won't have an appointment for at least 1.5 weeks. I feel really angry because she says stuff about caring about me and wanting to help me. I guess maybe she does want to help, but she doesn't care. I haven't...

Today was dreadful. I cried all through work (I walk dogs, so nobody was there to see, especially with my sunglasses). My psychiatrist didn't respond as quickly as she usually does when I requested a refill of one of my meds, so I have none for tomorrow. Which means tomorrow is going to be...

@hithere Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in this. How long have you been dealing with this? What do you think you'll do? I wish I could come up with some sort of plan to deal with this situation, but I feel so helpless. I think you are right about worry taking a toll on people. Before...

The last two sessions, one on Monday and the other today (Wednesday), I have disclosed some things. I didn't want to, but I did it. Now I have been reduced to a weeping blob of dread and fear. I don't know how I can go on. I feel like my defenses have crumbled, and I am out of control. The only...

The psychiatrist has diagnosed Major Depressive Disorder and PTSD. I know because she uses an EMR with a patient access portal that shows the diagnoses.

Gosh, I'm sorry to hear that all these measures aren't helping to give you any peace of mind. For me and C, the constant dread was just as bad as the assaults that took place (well, almost as bad). The only time there was a sense of safety was right after an incident when he had left. I felt...