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Thank you for your reply. (I had been without much service sorry I didn't reply sooner. I had been camping without any cell service for nearly a week. I would occasionally read a post when around service but hadn't really had an opportunity to reply.) I appreciate the connection. Thank you for...

I probabaly should have seen this coming. I struggled at different points because I wasn't told of my official diagnosis (even though I was given some handouts to help me with PTSD) we spoke about my dissociative episodes and I had issues early on being considered depressed (even though I...

I too had to cut back in how much I journaled because I really struggled with functioning at work. I guess I am understanding more and more. My T also recommended an antidepressant - I resisted for a good 6 months which may not seem like long but for me it was huge (at that point in T I was...

I have had a very similar experience and questioning. Lately, I don't seem to be over the top overwhelmed. For me my job was one place that I could be "healthy". I have done a really good job of compartmentalizing. Even though I struggled to get through work because of my mind- I appreciated the...

When she returns this is a great opportunity to bring this up ( or give her a letter) that says all of this - "you like her and want to continue ... that you have the impression she was fed up....give her the opportunity to know what is going on for you and you may be surprised at her reply. At...

Thanks - when we are too thick to get it - the messages just get louder. I have known communication has been poor for awhile but wasn't able to be in a space to recognize its impact on me and the family. Of course nothing is simple and I am so fearful because of my issues and only recently...

Thanks for your responses. I have been trying to pull it together but watching a movie or tv brings up so much in me. I am not sure if it is just with the tv on but I have a hard time without doing something. I have such a hard time with down time. I know I push myself too much. But being...

When I started I had full coverage from my insurance campany. After a year and a half, I went on my employers plan which was a $25 copay for T and pdoc. I go weekly. The entire time I have been with the same therapist. I consider my situation unique and beneficial. My T has had a wealth of...

i found myself in front of the television watching a few minutes of a movie my husband had on. I very rarely watch TV or movies. I am very cautious about what I hear on the radio too. My challenge is how to make it though. When I try to watch something it always stirs up emotions for me so far...

Why are we so afraid we won't be believed? When I finally really opened up I was completely shocked that I didn't have to convince or reassure my T or any of that for her to believe me. (Granted it was hard to come out and it has been years but it was a big deal for me.) I don't think we...

i think this is about accepting to deserve to talk about our own feelings. I talk but from the moment I get to anything personal I look out the window or at a rug in her office and run away in my mind until I can share (run away but not in a dissociate way - that come later) and then I do not...

There are so many of your posts that I can relate to. Sorry you are struggling. I too always want to give and do for others - the trouble is that eventually we will become exhausted. I am married with 3 boys and I am not believing I am in a space to share with them. It is hard. I am sorry to...

So logical. I feel the need to fix it first. ( at one point my husband and I had someone come in and help clean- eventually I couldn't keep up- I would spend 3 hours cleaning before the house cleaners arrived).

I question this. One one hand yes I agree on another it may not be so clear for me. Honesty has degrees of honesty. If that makes sense. When I was asked about trauma - I answered how I best thought at the time. I didn't consider it a real lie at the time. Regarding my CSA - I hadn't really...

I think I ought to have a reply but don't. Just reading your response and thinking about challenges me. You are right. I shouldn't be scared to talk with my husband. I should feel like I can so no. BUT I am not there so I have no real reason to complain. my posts here are for me only - I do not...

I thought I used to be the optimist but you are right I am so focused on the bad. It seems so annoying and like it won't make a hill of beans of a difference to insert some positive reflection but my objections aside - I do agree. I forget to acknowledge what I do differently. I am a different...

Thank you for replying. In some ways I minimize what is going on for me and in others I feel like there is a kind of support because others are finding their path too - we learn from one another. i am trying to work through it but I continue to bump up against being so ashamed of my past that I...

I think my husband has crossed over to hyper sexual and I am absolutely the opposite - I said before we average more than usual for a marriage of 17 years but he is engaging in the middle of the night- before bed and today - this morning. I tried to gently share but he thinks I am just playing...

I can relate to lying to my therapist- My second session (still intake) she asked if I had experienced any trauma - asked about relationship with my father- asked about all sorts of stuff. I was in Therapy to make sure I could function enough to get by for a few months - surely my past had...

3 steps forward and 3 steps back. I thought I was doing so well and now I am sure I am fooling myself. My T says I spend a lot of time managing my emotions. I don't really get it. It is hard for me when I talk with her because I do have some emotion. I always told her I was not emotional - she...

Agreed. I am coming around to the process but this is really tough stuff that was so much easier to avoid until I couldn't anymore.

This is where I get stuck. When I can reflect, sometimes I am more aware that i have very poor boundaries and this is an area to address. That said, in the night, my mind wanders in and out of being awake, being present or reliving trauma.

Deep down, I think it is wrong and not sure where that line is that gets crossed when it is really wrong. And then I come back to thinking that maybe I need to care more about how I let my body be treated. Never really considered that aspect before.

This is fascinating. I went through a period of time when I was very promiscuous and would drink at the bar and leave with anyone. Then I somewhat settled down and was married -then it was really only when I was out and drank way too much and men would have there way (early on my husband...

What a logical suggestion. I am in over my head and the stress puts me over the top. After my earlier rant - I am not so hard on myself but it is still distressing. Thanks