Other Hypersexuality

[WishfulThinking123]

@valkeasisu I think it shows a lot of maturity that you are able to recognize that you struggle with this attraction. Sometimes, I don't think we can change the fact that we are tempted however, we can effect whether or not we act on it. If this is a struggle for you make sure that you are not in a situation where you would be able to act on it such as online don't message guys and in person ensure you aren't alone...Hope I didn't overstep my bounds with my advice- not judging because I get it! Just trying to help :)

 

[Deleted member 42783]

@WishfulThinking123 :)
I'm not offended. The attraction has been a battle for several years now. It comes and goes. I know its definately tied to the rape.

I don't tend to hangout with men alone in person or online. I also do not have the confidence to act on anything. My T thinks its related to low self esteem, fear of abandonment and wanting to re-live trauma. Last year was the closest and only time I came close to following through with anything. I sought out several strangers to meet with but never followed through. I came close once but stopped myself. I was actually hoping this person would hurt me. Beat me.
Yeah, there is a lot we're trying to work on.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

I was actually hoping this person would hurt me. Beat me.

I understand thus...I used to use sex as a form of self harm...I still continue to struggle with this desire and mine stems from past sexual assault as well...Is your husband currently not abusive in this way? If he is not abusive that could be part of it- strange I know! So...you may be seeking out other guys to recreate your trauma because, you know your husband wont and maybe a part of you believes falsely that you deserve the abuse? idk in my previous marriage my x husband did abuse me sexually...during this time I did not have a desire to be promiscuous even though I have in the past...idk if I'm making any sense at all but, this is of course a distorted perception because you definitely don't deserve the harm it only creates more layers and more wounds. Actually in my past relationship, he was the nicest guy sexually and tried to be respectful and this did make me incredibly uncomfortable in a strange way because, I didnt know how to handle it, wasn't used to it...eventually I did start asking for "abusive" type of things to try to "show my love" for him...very distorted I know... My T often tells me to stop creating more layers to my pain...I'm glad your with a T and it sounds like she has some good thoughts and I hope these desires and perceptions start changing soon and you can move past this! *Hugs* I know how hard this must be

 

[Deleted member 42783]

Oh wow @WishfulThinking123, I should just quote your whole post. Yes, my husband is a wonderful man who refuses to abuse me and sometimes it makes me insecure. How twisted is that?! My desire to be promiscuous has nothing to do with him. It is all a warped sense of sexuality on my part. Men are supposed to behave a certain way towards me and my brain can't wrap itself around the fact that I have a good one who isn't a perverse abuser.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

Well @valkeasisu I hope you realize now that you're not the only one who struggles with these distortions! I am also struggling with the mind blowing possibility in a relationship you are allowed to say no to sex after that doors been open....that still is hard for me to wrap my head around... distortions are so hard to change because they affect a lot of our behaviors but, once you recognize them you can start changing them! Being in T helps a ton with that because my T states statements that disagrees with my distortions and just hearing those over and over being said to me have helped immensely.

 

[NewBeginnings]

This is fascinating. I went through a period of time when I was very promiscuous and would drink at the bar and leave with anyone. Then I somewhat settled down and was married -then it was really only when I was out and drank way too much and men would have there way (early on my husband traveled a lot)
I was told that I enjoyed being raped and other times told I should get my husband involved in rougher sex. Anyway - i seldom drink and I am so turned off by sex. Yet basically 3-6 x a week my husband wakes me in the night for sex. He has been rather rough for awhile but he has been getting rougher. Crazy but if it hurts - it is more tolerable. I written about this kinda stuff before and obviously still trying to deal. I can't seem to figure out why I let it happen. I don't say anything (except to whimper in pain sometimes ). Is this a form of self harm?
I am so fearful of bringing this up. He obviously enjoys it. On some level I must be ok too -I don't stop it?

 

[Deleted member 42783]

It's more tolerable if its painful for me too. My husband is not rough by nature but over the years he's become rougher through training. He flat out refuses to really hurt me. Yes, I think its a desire for self harm.

 

[NewBeginnings]

It's more tolerable if its painful for me too. My husband is not rough by nature but over the years...

Deep down, I think it is wrong and not sure where that line is that gets crossed when it is really wrong.

And then I come back to thinking that maybe I need to care more about how I let my body be treated. Never really considered that aspect before.

 

[Deleted member 42783]

The pendulum swings wide on this stuff I've come to learn. Good for you for recognizing that you need to be respected. Also, for realizing that you're uncomfortable. I
know that i come to those realizations but then i revert back to my old ways.

 

[NewBeginnings]

The pendulum swings wide on this stuff I've come to learn. Good for you for recognizing that you nee...

This is where I get stuck. When I can reflect, sometimes I am more aware that i have very poor boundaries and this is an area to address. That said, in the night, my mind wanders in and out of being awake, being present or reliving trauma.

 

[Deleted member 42783]

I'm right there with you. If only we were present and reflective all the time. But then we probably wouldn't have PTSD.
My boundaries go back and forth between being pretty good to non-existent and I'm learning that is common. Therapy is helping me to recognize that.

 

[NewBeginnings]

Agreed. I am coming around to the process but this is really tough stuff that was so much easier to avoid until I couldn't anymore.