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My 'plan' is being too scared to actually do it. It seems to come and go pretty suddenly with me so I know if I wait it will go again.

It's my birthday on Tuesday and I'm still randomly feeling icky and even when I tried putting the assault nightmares to the side and focus a bit more on studying I still end up having another weird grandad nightmare.

I realise that I'd rather have nightmares about grandad sitting on my neck whilst I'm in bed than snakes on my neck, even if I wake up feeling like I've been suffocated.

If someone says they were abused don't doubt them and say it maybe wasn't abuse it's one of the worst things you can do. I've seen a sexual abuse counselor before about the two abuse incidents and she agreed they were abuse. Also as a non professional you can't tell someone purely based off of...

I have had counselling for being sa and that was what it was. Would be nice if people could stop doubting me. And also a counsellor told me they think I could have ptsd. But I was looking for an assessment not necessarily a diagnosis. Mum said if I'd told her he would have gone back to prison...

When I said I'm not expecting answers I meant answers about what did or didn't happen but a response would be nice. I don't want to be talking to myself.

I haven't yet cut down there recently when I really want to sometimes

The only healthy way I've ever dealt with suicidal thoughts is cuddling teddies and crying and pretending they were talking to me whilst whispering to myself so no one else heard.

All I really know about autism and mental health problems being related is if you're autistic you're more likely to have mental health problems but you ask people who understand autism and they don't know information about mental health and you ask about mental health and they don't know about...

Me asking how do I cope with her is cause I feel unsafe and uncomfortable with her cause of her doing something that reminded me of a person in a nightmare. She is there to help me with autism but with this incident I don't feel that's the main problem.

I just don't see it working it's been three weeks and I thought if I still feel the same now I'm not going to feel different in another week and she can't work with me if I don't trust her and don't feel safe around her which I don't.

I have the body keeps the score book. I've read like a few pages maybe a chapter not sure. I then just put my bookmark in it and never went back to it cause I haven't been able to focus on reading any of the books I own and in theory want to read. I just can't focus enough to read books apart...

I know she isn't actually unsafe or dangerous but how am I supposed to work with someone who makes me feel like that

There isn't any replacement I was going to accept having nothing but her mum and dad want to continue her supporting me.

But I don't feel comfortable around her now, she makes me feel unsafe

Mum and dad have requested I have a break for a week of not seeing Debbie basically so they can try persuading me to see her anyway even though I don't trust her or feel comfortable with her. I think continuing to see her will make things worse just like seeing grandad for years but no one wants...

That is all the context she didn't have any obvious reason to ask that that question I never mentioned anything about the alien and it wasn't on record that anything happened to me

I just told my autism support worker I don't trust her and don't think I ever can again and I don't want her support anymore cause it will only make me feel worse. She's now in another room talking to mum and dad and they're going to be annoyed cause they want the support to continue and don't...

I'm a really slow learner

I'm not independent so I still live with my parents. Mum always says he wasn't all bad. I think mum and dad still worried he'd do something when I was older was cause I act more childish. I don't remember my grandad before he came out of prison. Him and nanny always took me swimming he told me...

Anxiety about seeing my autism worker. Having to tell her she reminded of person in my nightmare. Everyone wants me to move forward with her but I don't think I can. Bear will have to be my new helper.

Well erm I was 19 actually when he came to live with us. He stayed with my nanny in our house for 2 years. Nothing happened when he stayed round though. I think he was too ill. Mum and dad preferred me staying upstairs generally cause he couldn't get up the stairs. One time when mum and dad took...

This has popped into my head recently. Ages ago when I wanted to try a new medication for my anxiety and I had to see a psychiatrist. I went with dad who stayed in the room with me and I wanted him there and she said it was fine. So she was asking general questions about my anxiety, what...

I was scared of him cause I knew he'd abused my sisters and he'd actually abused me but I forgot about it. No one else was scared of him or he wouldn't have been living with us. I'd switch between being scared and wanting to be around him. I know this sounds weird but I wanted to see if he'd do...

Using blankie a bit as a dummy