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I want to magic me and yuki kuma the bear with purple hat away

Looks like it's just us two

I feel icky and keep wanting to cut down there. I feel scared about seeing my autism worker tomorrow and I feel unsafe. I want to be in a different world with alive teddies where I feel safe and protected. I felt suicidal yesterday. I just don't like being here I don't want to deal with anyone...

I still feel like I'm dreading seeing my autism worker I feel like I've already gone backwards cause I'm just worrying all the time about having to see her. It's like with the alien I'd always be worried about the next time. I think she just makes me feel unsafe and scared and I can't cope with...

Sea

Scared

Prison

Hi I'm lilac (not actually my real name but I like it so I'm going by that on here) I'm 23 but will be 24 in about a week. As you can see I'm not diagnosed and for your information I'm not expecting or wanting anyone on here to diagnose me. Let's go through things I actually remember though...

Unsafe and marginalised

Invalidation

I'm not trying to convince anyone I have ptsd or trying to get anyone on here to diagnose anything. I know I was abused I just told you that so I'm not trying to get people to tell me what I know.

The two incidents I remember are things that happened but I also had a flashback I don't remember but believe could be real and I used to have a recurrent nightmare as a child that a counsellor who specialises in sexual abuse said isn't a normal nightmare for a little girl to have, which I was...

I'm less sure about the assault nightmares but I still think the flashback was real and a sexual abuse counsellor before said it's likely to be real. I also told that counsellor about the two incidents I remember. And she said a childhood nightmare I used to always have when I was younger 'isnt...

Studying

When he went to prison I would have been 6 and I wasn't aware from what I remember which isn't a lot of what was going on. I only found out he'd abused them when he came out of prison. Mum said at the time that he went to prison for doing something bad to my sisters I asked her what did he do...

I do live with them. I can't live independently at the moment and mum doesn't think I'll ever be able to. I can't go out independently and my autism worker has to tell her about appointments she takes me to cause mum is technically my carer. So I can't really not talk to them about it. I don't...

I already answered the second question and it feels like everyone invalidates it but mum is the worst she always just says your sisters went through much worse I don't get why you're so bothered by what happened to you.

I do remember two incidents from when he came out of prison actually.

@barefoot and I didn't react at the time I just carried on drawing in the sand feeling uncomfortable and upset. It was only later on my own that I felt worse cried nearly self harmed struggled to sleep

I don't feel bad for reporting her I had every right to. She acted completely unprofessionally.

I guess but I think she'll be confused why that bothered me so much. Yes I complained about her after the bad day and she now has to write a report to her boss every support session and if I continue seeing her I have to see her boss every 3 months to make sure it doesn't happen again and to...

It's never happened with any other nightmare just that one.

So say for a minute none of my rape had anything to with things that actually happened. Why was I then triggered by autism worker cause she came up to me on the floor kind of behind me getting near me and pointing and shouting at me and reminded me of a person in one of my nightmares??? I've...

I've already had a week break cause of the queen's jubilee and then I was at my sisters with parents babysitting and dog sitting so I missed Monday. The autism charity is busy they already expected me to have made a decision I can't have a break and I don't think that will make any difference...

@caroline_13 There is no one else to replace her cause they've had so many referrals since covid. If I can't work with her then they will close my file and I will receive no more support but even she said she doesn't know I can trust her again and said she hadn't realised how much that day had...