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A while back I quit entertaining thoughts of suicide, directly anyway. All such thoughts did was scare me, the vulnerable me, the me that needed protection. That is not to say that I avoid thinking of self destruction in other ways. It's crazy how if you shut off a thought it comes up in...

I know. I feel great today, but that could get turned on it's head at any time. My daughter would miss me.

It's winter here and the garden is silent. But last year we grew corn, bell peppers, jalapeño peppers, kale, romaine lettuce, strawberries, tomatoes, chives and celery. In the past I tried to start a garden, but couldn't focus enough to take care of it. And there were the squirrels that liked...

If we don't want to sound clinical, does that mean we have to dumb down our posts and comments? But then, I get it. I always try to state my stuff the way you suggest, @KwanYingirl The thing is, anyone who asks for a diagnosis needs someone who can diagnose. I don't think its very easy to...

I've been frustrated with work and my poetry group. The boss is introducing new processes that have everyone spinning, and the poetry presented by others is going violent. I have a lot to say about both these situations, but I don't feel like I'm getting respected for my ideas. When I...

Cool. The 7/11 was my favorite place. I bet you are right about the guitar. The funniest things are triggering.

Yeah. I know what you mean. For me it was my mom. I'm sure she's still here, waiting for me to get out of line. She had a 24" pine stick she used. We called it the board. There was no explanation. It was kind of like a ritual. I had to fill in the missing gaps by blaming myself. My dad...

Totally relate. I'm not so lonely now. Have a few friends. But I don't like it. I don't like having friends. Sounds weird, I know. I do like having friends, really, but then I don't. You know what I mean?

Had a similar experience, with an abusive and alcoholic mother and an appeasing and distant father. I'm trying my best to deal with it, but there are parts of me that are really adapted to that life. I put a hold on the book at the library (I'm second in line).

I know it's easy to jump to conclusions. I did it over and over early in my recovery. Like mentioned above, there could be other things that could be the trauma. When I started dealing with my lack of relationships I went right to sexual abuse. While sexual abuse existed in my past, there...

That's my experience too. I use the word torture to describe what caused the body memories. I like the idea of talking to those dissociated parts. I've done that, but have not been successful at integration through it. There's still that part of me that is so hurt and afraid that it just...

Finding the underlying problem is so important. I've worked most of my adult life, but I have not always been happy about it. Yesterday I was so miserable at work I wanted to walk off the job. I stuck it out, but I certainly didn't "suck it up". That's such a demeaning phrase. The answer...

Been there. Thanks for asking. You reminded me how over time I've become better able to share things like that with my therapist, and then honestly ask for support. I never get hugs from my therapists. Hugs there can freak me out. But I can see why you would want one. I get verbal hugs from...

When I was 13, in 1974, I saw my brother's therapist. Get more involved was her advice. I didn't go back to see her because she acted like she was done, and that I was fixed. I tried her advice. It didn't work. It took 20 more years to find a therapy situation that worked at all. I'm not as...

Hello, and welcome!

When I was in the hospital after my first major breakdown, I couldn't sleep. I told one of the attendants that what had happened to me wasn't fair. She agreed, which totally shocked me. She said that there are a lot of thinks that happen that aren't fair. But I don't have to roll over. Give...

That's great! It's a challenge to feel everything, and there will probably be some setbacks, but I think that will make a big difference.

I don't think that it's minimizing all of the time. Sometimes even a well educated or experienced therapist just doesn't directly relate. My therapist, as far as I can tell, has not suffered from PTSD, flashbacks or depression. She's lived a full life, but doesn't quite understand what it's...

I've gotten my therapist worked up a time or two, and she's seen me in a pretty sorry state. I tell her things with gut wrenching honesty that would make other normal, not therapist types run away and not look back. She bounces back pretty well. I bet yours will too. Did you know that a lot...

Just want to say that I've been there. I'm not there now, thank god. I used to pray to have God put His arms around me and hold me and let me know it will all be okay. I would then forget all the bad stuff for a few days and feel pretty good. The bad stuff would always come back, but the...

I used to think that if they weren't healthy relationships from the start I could make them healthy relationships. Wrong answer. Much better answer. My end goal is to have fun and be happy. (I have had people tell me that these are stupid goals. I now think that those are stupid people.)

Something like that experience is one of the sources of my PTSD. I ended up taking on all of my parents problems. Too much of a bourdon. I had enough of my own already. I have since learned (though not really well) that if it's not my problem I don't need to take responsibility for it. If...

Is your T is asking you or telling you? If your T is asking you then he might be trying to start a dialogue on these problems of forgetfulness. If he is telling you he may be in ideologue more interested in what he knows than in who you are. I'm much more complicated as a person to want to...

I like that. I LOVE process. I bond to processes. I read poetry at an open mike. I have people talk to me as if they know me. They actually like me there. Most nights I leave there cursing myself for being so vulnerable, or something like that. It may be that you really want to bond, but...

I used to regret all of my mistakes in relationships, and all of theirs. Now I think I deserve to be in a relationship, but not necessarily in a perfect one. I get what I get. And other people have a choice too. It's not all about me. (I used to think it was all about me.) I thinks...