Waking Up

[Seagreen]

I have recently decided to work on some things in my life. The first was becoming more present. I feel I've been 'away' for a long time. I want to be a strong sense if security for my children and to be able to watch them grow up. I feel as if I've missed so much.


I had no idea how to 'wake up' from the daze I've been living in, but I've always found that when I ask for change within myself I somehow seem to wind up where I'm suppose to be.

Tonight I felt very disconnected, followed by a some difficult emotions and then regret. Suddenly I was able to cry for the first time in far too long.

I got up and kissed my little ones. For the first time in many, many years I realised I was fully awake and present.

From now on Im going to feel everything. I want to be here, alive and with my family before life passes by.

This is long. I just wanted to share my happiness.

 

[arfie]

It took me a very long time to learn how to live in the present. Growing up, I lived in the future. Escape the Hell I was born into. Things I would be. Places I would go. Dreams and schemes. When all that kept hitting my dysfunction walls, I suddenly started living in the past. Finding the balance between the extremes -here and now- remains an on-going challenge. Sometimes I think balance is simply an on-going challenge by nature.

Noticing and appreciating little things seems to be my most effective tool in that challenge. The color of a loved one's eyes. Birds singing in the trees. Wind on my face. A smile on a stranger's face.

Wishing you all the best in your resolution, Seagreen. It is a worthy goal.

 

[ShadowSolace]

I'm proud of you, Seagreen. Kudos to you for letting your senses come to you fully and having the willingness to accept these sensations. A lot of us suffer from disconnection - including me. Confide in your friends and family. Have a hand to hold. There are a whole lot of things you could do to help yourself in these troubling situations. From reading, to meditating, listening to music and more.

You'll be okay :hug:

 

[Intrepid]

From now on Im going to feel everything.

That's great! It's a challenge to feel everything, and there will probably be some setbacks, but I think that will make a big difference.

 

[Nam]

From now on Im going to feel everything.

@Intrepid I quoted this before I saw your post. We must think alike!

@Seagreen That quote above is huge. It means that fear is no longer making your decisions.

I too, have kids that I feel like I'm missing a huge chunk. I was "gone" for two years or so right about when my oldest was 2 and my youngest was a babe. I do hope that your decisiveness makes changes happen in your favor.

I want to put a kind reminder here: Please be careful that you are not replacing your healing process with a different, less painful process. It's not that I don't want you to be present for your kids. I believe that both your healing journey and wakefulness toward your kids can happen at the same time. I'm just concerned that you might be neglecting one for the other. By opening your heart to all the emotions that come presently might open the door to some of the emotions from the past. Just remember to keep writing and expressing about it to sort your feelings out.

 

[risingsun]

got up and kissed my little ones. For the first time in many, many years I realised I was fully awake and present

I think that is absolutely wonderful. It only takes a microsecond to change how we live. That is the greatest gift we can give each other and our children-is to be fully present.

Have no regrets; No would've, could've, should'ves as they will only keep you in the past rather than the present. Look to the "now" and honor thyself for the best decision you've ever made. Warmest wishes to you, Rising Sun.