I Get To Choose....

[shimmerz]

A brilliant poster made this one, seemingly innocuous statement in a posting regarding my figuring out my social life here. I have been surrounded by people all of my life with pasts that go back 40 some odd years. Now I am in a new place. I am social by nature. PTSD has thrown a corkscrew into that and social has become a large portion of my anxiety these days. Will people accept me, do they expect me to be the way I used to be (yes), can I function properly when there are triggers all over the place for me? So many ifs these days.

But these old friends, well, I chose them when I was young. Some when I was older but I had (still do but not to such a degree), an attachment disorder which skews things for me. So now I can choose. I must choose if I am to have healthy relationships. I no longer need to feel like everyone 'likes' me. I get to choose people that I like. Ones that have similar values to me. But I am a whole new person. What are my values? Did they stay with me? One of them was loyalty at all costs? Did that serve me?

So who am I that I can choose who best fits me? Who is good for me? Is it now time to shed the skin of 'like everyone and bend and twist to what they want? I think so in order to get healthy. YIKES! This feels like taking ownership of me. Is that the end goal here? Just musing. Thank you my dear friend for pointing this out to me.

 

[GG-love]

Inspiring

 

[Intrepid]

I used to think that if they weren't healthy relationships from the start I could make them healthy relationships. Wrong answer.

I must choose if I am to have healthy relationships.

Much better answer.

My end goal is to have fun and be happy. (I have had people tell me that these are stupid goals. I now think that those are stupid people.)

 

[Kefira]

I have had to make a very active effort at times to move away from negative friendships. Although, to be honest, that has also been part of the driving force between two physical moves across country. And I keep in touch with very few people after a move.

There's a huge learning curve on this, at least for me. But I've been trying to teach myself that I don't owe anyone my friendship, regardless of our past, and that if someone is a drain on me I should let them go in favor of people who I mesh with better. I've been actively cultivating friendships with higher quality people. It means a lot fewer friends. But it also means for the first time in my life I have a few people who will actually be the ones to initiate contact, or who will check on me if they know I'm struggling or ill.

Wish you luck. It can be really difficult when you're used to being surrounded by unhealthy relationships to begin to set yourself up with healthy ones.