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Still waiting Abstract, he had to postpone our session today due to a family issue, so tomorrow's the day. Alternating between feeling grimly determined and cold with terror, and somehow very very alone and desperate. My mind has been toiling through all of this on its own far too much in the...

Sleep disturbance is a classic symptom of PTSD, along with a whole range of other disorders as well, and as Brat says, pretty much anything is normal. As someone who experiences terrible nightmares and night terrors and an almost pathological fear of nighttimes and sleep, I relate deeply to...

Hi Sophie81, and welcome to the forum. I don't personally have a tattoo or anything similar, but I know a number of people who do, and whose tattoos have personal or symbolic significance. In particular, I know of a friend who has a tattoo of a wolf. The wolf represents an old Indian legend...

I could not agree more strenuously with all that Hashi has said, and couldn't have said it half as well. Maddog

I have been reading, just today, about learning to love yourself. Apparently, it's a choice, you just *decide* to love yourself, and then you do, faking it until you make it. In other words, you just adopt behaviours and practice feeling emotions that equate to self-love, modelled on those you...

Wow TB, what a truly amazing experience, I am in awe! I haven't really done any work of this nature, nor do I pretend to know much about it, but I have heard enough people report success that I am in no doubt that it can be very powerful. What I do know is that trauma is most definitely...

All great thoughts and points of feedback, it really helps me to hear others' responses, as I tend to get very caught up in my head as I plough through all of this stuff and as much as I try not to, I am very prone to losing myself in theoretical analyses and losing my own personal relation to...

I have, over time, become a huge believer that the things that annoy or disturb me in other people, usually do so because they threaten some, usually hidden, insecurity or quality or unmet need in myself that I am deeply ashamed of. Jealousy is a good case in point. It's a trait I dislike and...

A strange and painful irony indeed Blackbird, you've totally nailed it. Doing the work can, at times, feel like a punishingly lonely journey, when you hit the point of turning knowing into doing, and that point at which you really do realise that the ultimate work has to be yours alone. We...

I've definitely experienced this too, off and on as I've worked through disclosing my traumas, more so in the early days but still now from time to time. It reminds me of something Judith Hermann wrote in her "Trauma and Recovery" book, that being that at first, the client and therapist convene...

Mental stimulation becomes both more important and more difficult when one is very symptomatic, and I have found that sinceI stopped working, I have also had to work very hard to try to strike this balance. No matter how unwell we are, I do believe that it's necessary to try to maintain that...

I too think you raise a valid point Stenni, and it is somethingI try to remain ever mindful of also. For what it's worth, I didn't necessarily interpret your post as suggesting that the forum specifically tended to promote a culture of "stuckness" when it comes to recovery, only that, by its...

Yes, I've done it, truthfully can't remember what I scored, but it was below the indicated range for DID... which I don't have. I also agree that the way the items are scored and rated lends itself to more variation, depending on how you're feeling/viewing your experiences at the time, than a...

Toxic shame destroys personal boundaries, as these can only be formed when healthy autonomy and self awareness are modelled and instilled. Without personal boundaries, interpersonal and life difficulties can't be managed or regulated, so escape is the only means of survival. Maddog adds that...

I feel a little uncertain about posting more of my notes, but as nobody has suggested I shouldn't, and as I figure they've helped me a lot and so might do likewise for someone else, even just a little bit, I guess I will. I'm sorry they're very long, and also that some of them are repeated from...

Hmmm, I am afraid that when it comes to jealousy, I think I do feel this, though not in the active, overt, aggressive way that would make me want to take what other people have... I tend to experience jealousy as a painful lonely emotion, an agonising awareness of what I don't have that others...

Oh Brat, your last post un-nerved me, it was such an accurate portrayal of myself. I even painfully smiled at the "what fib did I tell last time..." thought. Gosh, that is a terrible, terrible habit of mine, one I can't seem to break, no matter the shame and misery it causes me. I just can't...

Buying clothes is a terribly distressing trigger of my weight and eating issues too, partly because by its very nature it forces you to pay strict attention to your size relative to other things and people... I am trying very very hard, so far with success, to stay off my scales, because I know...

Finding ways to defuse and/or tolerate overwhelming emotional intensity is actually one of the very few things I have, several times, become really really angry with my therapist about. I have tried and tried and tried to explain how when I have passed over a certain threshold, nothing seems to...

I am another who battles terribly with the painful feeling of being exposed when in public. Once triggered, this feeling can become an obsession of panic and anxiety and can reach frightening intensity, almost as though I was wandering around naked and with a glaring neon sign blinking over my...

I totally agree TigB, and am so glad that you too have had a positive EMDR experience with an appropriate and ethical therapist. It saddens and maddens me too as I read of irresponsible therapists who give the intervention a bad name. I think this occurs more so with EMDR than with many other...

I certainly don't consider myself to be "super" sensitive to emotional energies, but am definitely very sensitive to them. I think that when one grows up in a highly dangerous and unpredictable world, it is almost inevitable that the child will become extremely aware and sensitive to the...

Gosh, I never ask for reassurance either, and am less likely to do so the more I feel I need it. I usually work so so obsessively hard never to show my insecurities that the entire relationship can feel as though it's defined by my attempts not to need anything and to appear to be comfortable...

Yes, go for it Abstract, I think that it's pretty clear that this isn't a linear journey for any of us. I, personally, am in almost mute agreeance with pretty much everything being said here, even the comments that seem to contradict each other, such as those about the need for/against...

Absolutely. When your brain is wired to associate close relationships with dangerous or untrustworthy behaviour, it's inevitable that these innate feelings and protective behaviours will activate when someone gets close to you. Recognizing that there are valid reasons why this happens is a key...