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Welcome- I think you'll find many continuing students here, myself included.

David, I was in the military for years, and got out....because it was a gigantic cluster.. "fest" in the early 90's and everybody in the military knew that. I went police and ended up in the most "active" spot you could possibly want. I re-joined the military years after that, becuase I was...

Nice vision Hope- hope you find that (no pun intended) I'm as certain as I could be via the time length and my own instincts I won't heal or recover. So- I focus on adapting and accepting, creating new philosophies to live with, and trying to enjoy moments of time, as opposed to overall...

375mg....jeez I might have a harder time off that..but yeah, apparently I'm not so bad off either. I agree - I wish I could know ahead of time what medications would best suit me, and actully produce an effective improvement. But off them, at least I'll know my real situation again, and can...

Just for the future files of anyone else who finds themselves here, After shaving my meds from 112.5 to 75 over a month, Its been 12 days since I've cut my effexor to current 30'ish max mgs, and minding some tension, anxiety, and headaches, it's been bearable and I seem to feel better overall...

I've had that thought over the years, like what the f*ck have I done? I've destroyed everything, and I probably could have ridden it out, or rode through it. But then a day comes along where the suicidal impulse or permeation just creeps into me unconciously like a poison, or I explode looking...

Welcome Mikki.... youre among people who have sympathetic ears!

I heard it put this way about death, You're not the one leaving, you're the one "joining" every other living being from the beginning's of time, there's no rush. Even the universe will one day be re-called. This is one way I try to train my brain to deal with my death issues. Without death...

I can understand that Eve, all I can do is one day. Then tomorrow, I'll do another. Everything is created to "die" (I prefer recycling) one day, but I figure why not fight to see what tomorrow brings, really there's nothing lost except pure effort and stubborness, (of course it's a far tougher...

very sorry to hear your current struggles, you have my full empathy. I also feel a bit better when I can at least rub shouders with other PTSD, or extreme depressive/etc sufferers. I isolated myself too long me thinks.

Warm Welcome Chelsie

Hey Spydah- I think it's not unreasonable for one to deny they are deeply traumatized to the point of being damaged- I did for many years. However, by not seeking treatment, the "damage"? can take far greater hold in some cases. I was terriefied of being labelled, as I should have been- but...

I hope your exam results turn in your favor. Just for any one else....I had an IME with pyschologist for manulife. It lasted 2 hours, I broke down ...so ironically....it went great. I recorded the entire thing, just using my phone. Didn't say anything, I consider them my personal notes...

welcome

No pun intended... but you read my mind- I also was a voracious reader, like a good book in a day or 2, and same! Can't read, Good TV or movies, nope. It has killed my passions or desires. So, you're in good company lol. But, as frustrating as it is, I got nothing but ticking time to try...

No- no work at all. Even in school or retraining settings- I've failed, and I've spent all my own $. But.... I keep at it, and am currently training slowly in a field- just not easy. I don't do any of the old things I used to do- climbing, hiking, etc. So to be honest, if I can't succeed...

Welcome Mim- I can relate very much to your apparent concerns, I haven't been able to work, let alone want to be around people in general for 4+ years. But I do have support from the workplace- well, enough to get by anyways. Personally, I'm just "out for myself" at the moment, taking in...

Welcome..... my humble opinion has been to never judge one's damage based solely on the events alone. Everyone has unique trigger points, or vulnerabilities to certain fears, pains, or events, so you shoul feel just as entitled as anyone else to be here, and realize you have certainly suffered...

Im a softee... but it works. And I still have my panther like reflexes, so I should survive it. I like the real horse loving clients... not so much the barn witches flying about.

Warm welcome here Kay- def'n a safe place here

No kidding? We'll my mind doesn't mind the work, but my back's not so excited. I finished college here, and have been apprenticing with one of the better guys around- so I can't complain.

I was in the military when I was young, then again while I was in the police, and oddly enough after I couldn't police any more (real policing anyways), I tried to join the local armoured calvary unit out here lol, but needless to say.....my condition was just a slight hinderance. I think there...

I just finished a ride on my oddly doglike horse Odie, and was able to gain a really wonderful grounding, and phyical in the moment connection with him yet again. It just felt like layers of concrete were melting off me. For having been "intimate" with death for the majority of my life- any...

This is the place to be then! Welcome

awesome Hogan, gives me more energy hearing that. I just realized I was reaching every day for that bottle like it was O2... that without forever effexor I would die. Maybe I need it, likely not, or a better medication, but it's insane not to try and determine the fact.