futurefocussed
Gold Member
My story is one of a different one. It is long, so I warn you now.
I have 2 brothers, a mum with mistreated bipola and a dad who doesn't like change and can't handle not being in control.
I am a Christian and have been for 22 years (i'm 27).
My family moved house when I was 8.
Before that I was a vibrant happy young girl who was a complete social butterfly.
When we moved, I moved schools. No friends. The library became my home.
Mum grew distant. Dad grew more controlling. Dad started drinking. Brothers grew resentful of my relationship with dad. I just wanted someone to spend time with me. To pay attention to me. To care.
I became the outcast at school. I lived up to my parents expectations of me, often exceeding them to then not be noticed.
Soon I was in high school and I just wanted to be noticed. So I made up stories, stories that became my reality. I know there was truth in what I was saying, but not to the extent that I told.
People began to believe my stories.
My mind was confused between what was real and what wasn't.
I placed a restraining order against my dad on false charges.
I tore my family apart over a fantasy.
It got so bad, that I was hallucinating. I think back now and it still scares me, who I was, to then see how far I have come now.
So I got sent to rehab.I was part of a program called teen challenge (TC), made predominantly for drug and alcohol addicts, of which i remain to be neither.
They didn't know how to handle me, i had a different kind of addiction, one that you can't physically go cold turkey or leave at the gate. I was a manipulative attention seeker and that wasn't going to change overnight.
There are 4 phases and an internship, it involves reading books, doing workbooks, listening to audios, watching videos, learning scriptures, practicing character qualities and reading the Bible. You also have a mentor.
I give most people a shot and so i at first trusted my mentor, only to be betrayed time and time again, things that i would tell her in confidence she would blurt out at the drop of a hat, not thinking before she spoke. I was different, i had the true and loving God in my heart.
The thing with tc is that they are meant to be a Christian rehabilitation program, their version of Christianity though is the prosperity preaching kind and i had been in a doctrinally sound church for the previous 3 years, but when you're there for 18 months, you tend to waver on what you thought that you once knew.
My time there was rough, I was different, an outcast, a person who was rejected and manipulated, that i was used. You see I'm a jack of all trades, I'm not the prissy girly girl everyone wanted to make me, but eventually i conformed, became who they wanted me to be in order to survive.
The one thing though was through my whole time there they didn't trust me, at first it was understandable, but even when i showed progress, they didn't change how they treated me i was consistently being told that i had slipped, that i was being manipulative when i wasn’t, it was actually sometimes the reverse, that if i said no, they would use fear to get me to do it anyway, fear of being kicked out, not having a phone call, doing dishes, losing free time. All the guys could see how mistreated i was, i was good at doing as i was told and that wasn't going to change, I had it in my head that if I got kicked out that my church would send me back anyway, that and i was determined to prove the mentors wrong. So despite being treated like i was worthless, being used, constantly being called on for something, like I was the mentors lap dog, I graduated, I changed, I survived.
So for the past 18 months I've had nightmares, I've woken up screaming on occasion, i avoid situations, i start freaking out when i read my old scripture memorizations in the Bible or when i see a workbook on the library shelf and i find it so hard to calm down.
Since then I see my family every 2 weeks and I come out in tears.
I panic over bible verses that I had to memorise.
Any mention of anything even remotely to do with tc I freak out over.
I completed 3.5 years of an education degree, to then turn my back on what my parents expected of me, to be a teacher and to follow my heart.
I am graduating in 3 weeks with a Bachelor of Arts in Education.
I am going to a different university next year to complete my Graduate Diploma in Librarian Services.
I have overcome my fear of psych's and see one once a month.
I haven't had a mum since I was 14 and now I am the mum between my mum and I.
I miss having a mum.
Dad hates that I am pursuing my dream to be a librarian. Mum is happy for me.
my younger brother and I are starting to connect again.
Older brother will take a little longer.
I'm proud of how far I have come.
I have 2 brothers, a mum with mistreated bipola and a dad who doesn't like change and can't handle not being in control.
I am a Christian and have been for 22 years (i'm 27).
My family moved house when I was 8.
Before that I was a vibrant happy young girl who was a complete social butterfly.
When we moved, I moved schools. No friends. The library became my home.
Mum grew distant. Dad grew more controlling. Dad started drinking. Brothers grew resentful of my relationship with dad. I just wanted someone to spend time with me. To pay attention to me. To care.
I became the outcast at school. I lived up to my parents expectations of me, often exceeding them to then not be noticed.
Soon I was in high school and I just wanted to be noticed. So I made up stories, stories that became my reality. I know there was truth in what I was saying, but not to the extent that I told.
People began to believe my stories.
My mind was confused between what was real and what wasn't.
I placed a restraining order against my dad on false charges.
I tore my family apart over a fantasy.
It got so bad, that I was hallucinating. I think back now and it still scares me, who I was, to then see how far I have come now.
So I got sent to rehab.I was part of a program called teen challenge (TC), made predominantly for drug and alcohol addicts, of which i remain to be neither.
They didn't know how to handle me, i had a different kind of addiction, one that you can't physically go cold turkey or leave at the gate. I was a manipulative attention seeker and that wasn't going to change overnight.
There are 4 phases and an internship, it involves reading books, doing workbooks, listening to audios, watching videos, learning scriptures, practicing character qualities and reading the Bible. You also have a mentor.
I give most people a shot and so i at first trusted my mentor, only to be betrayed time and time again, things that i would tell her in confidence she would blurt out at the drop of a hat, not thinking before she spoke. I was different, i had the true and loving God in my heart.
The thing with tc is that they are meant to be a Christian rehabilitation program, their version of Christianity though is the prosperity preaching kind and i had been in a doctrinally sound church for the previous 3 years, but when you're there for 18 months, you tend to waver on what you thought that you once knew.
My time there was rough, I was different, an outcast, a person who was rejected and manipulated, that i was used. You see I'm a jack of all trades, I'm not the prissy girly girl everyone wanted to make me, but eventually i conformed, became who they wanted me to be in order to survive.
The one thing though was through my whole time there they didn't trust me, at first it was understandable, but even when i showed progress, they didn't change how they treated me i was consistently being told that i had slipped, that i was being manipulative when i wasn’t, it was actually sometimes the reverse, that if i said no, they would use fear to get me to do it anyway, fear of being kicked out, not having a phone call, doing dishes, losing free time. All the guys could see how mistreated i was, i was good at doing as i was told and that wasn't going to change, I had it in my head that if I got kicked out that my church would send me back anyway, that and i was determined to prove the mentors wrong. So despite being treated like i was worthless, being used, constantly being called on for something, like I was the mentors lap dog, I graduated, I changed, I survived.
So for the past 18 months I've had nightmares, I've woken up screaming on occasion, i avoid situations, i start freaking out when i read my old scripture memorizations in the Bible or when i see a workbook on the library shelf and i find it so hard to calm down.
Since then I see my family every 2 weeks and I come out in tears.
I panic over bible verses that I had to memorise.
Any mention of anything even remotely to do with tc I freak out over.
I completed 3.5 years of an education degree, to then turn my back on what my parents expected of me, to be a teacher and to follow my heart.
I am graduating in 3 weeks with a Bachelor of Arts in Education.
I am going to a different university next year to complete my Graduate Diploma in Librarian Services.
I have overcome my fear of psych's and see one once a month.
I haven't had a mum since I was 14 and now I am the mum between my mum and I.
I miss having a mum.
Dad hates that I am pursuing my dream to be a librarian. Mum is happy for me.
my younger brother and I are starting to connect again.
Older brother will take a little longer.
I'm proud of how far I have come.
