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Yeah, plus I almost always “dress up” for my appointment, as in I redo my makeup (I have evening appointments) and wear clothes I feel presentable in and I’m definitely not trying to seduce anyone. In fact I’m married and wish my husband wasn’t attracted to me ?. I hate seduction of any kind...

Hey @Kubash16, I’m not sure I can contribute to the transference part of the convo because I never feel like I have a good grasp of what that is. I mean, I know it happens when I assume my T is mad at me or will get sick of me- I’m placing assumptions on her based on past relationships. Other...

What happened at the end of 5 years? Did you feel significantly better? Will there always be a “this time” again and again? Is there any way to know we are doing the right thing and have hope for a better future?

Three and a half years I’ve been working hard at healing from cptsd. I’ve gone to therapy once a week and read every book imaginable. I’ve learned so much. I think I’ve made progress because I can feel emotion sometimes in session. I don’t shut down as much. My T tells me my eye contact is...

It’s a vulnerability hangover. I feel what you describe often when I share things that cause me shame. And in three years of therapy I’ve shared quite a bit that causes that reaction. I’ve also been honest about how I was feeling after, whether in a follow up email or in session. Sharing...

@FauxLiz I’m sorry that you’re feeling so hopeless. (That’s how I read it anyway.) sometimes keeping your head about water is the most courageous thing you can do. Hugs if okay.

Saying the words for me only happens in writing. Usually via email. I talk around them in session. Since there are about three main flashes I deal with a lot, I tend to have one word descriptors for them, and use them in session to refer to which intrusive memory I’m dealing with, because she...

I just had this conversation with my T two days ago: the exhausting facade and how it’s hard to imagine anything will ever change. I am not actively suicidal although feeling very hopeless right now and struggling with self harm. My T was concerned that I was feeling so low and asked for a...

This thread brought tears to my eyes. So many earnest, thoughtful, REASONABLE desires we have for our lives. So many of them about other people, even. Our friends, our spouses, our children, our families. It strikes me that even though trauma can cause so many difficulties for us, it also means...

Was there anything going on in your life that may have triggered the flashbacks? I wish I had some sage advice but all i can tell you is, I completely understand where you’re coming from and I know how difficult and confusing it is. Very similarly, I have “memories” (even down to the relation...

Is emailing an option? Or even writing and handing it over? I, like you and probably many others, cannot say the words. Even writing them can be very hard. Over the course of my first year with my T I talked around things and then would email more things I wasn’t able to say in session after I...

Just want to hop on with a big thanks to all who gave me input and an update.. turns out I totally did either mishear her or she misspoke. She was extremely apologetic. And made it very clear that there has never been an “if” in her mind and what she meant to say was “if” I told my parents, not...

Absolutely. I’ve had these dreams so often. Meeting in public places or people coming in and out of sessions is a very common theme. I’m always super frustrated with all of the people but it never seems to phase her. I usually tell her about them. Some of them we’ve laughed really hard about. I...

This might be a little off topic. But my T is very well known by some of my friends and family and our circles overlap a lot. We have some blurred boundaries that i don’t think would work for some, and she shares quite a lot more than i think t’s are supposed to. During our work together over...

Thank you. All of this insight is helpful. I hate feeling “needy” and like i can’t deal with this. @ImSad i like the idea of a letter. I know this will be the focus of the session since I asked for it early for this purpose. Which is so scary because I can’t dodge it. But I think I will write a...

I’m having this ongoing weird thing happen with my T. She has been amazing over the last 3 years at teaching me about the brain and helping me understand my own whacked out experiences so that I feel less crazy. It has been a lot of me saying “what if I’m lying/making it up/looking for...

You’re making a lot of assumptions. First things first, if she didn’t want to be found, she wouldn’t have a profile. My mom has been a T for 20+ years and she has a fb profile with zero pics of herself AND a fake name. So she can keep up with grankid pics. But she cannot be found. Anyone who...

Thanks, @blackemerald1. She was very much a stabilizing influence when I was young. Sorry for my bad grammar and missing the word “died” in my first sentence. ? I’m trying to stick to my sleep routine but the nightmares have made my body not want to fall asleep. It’s so weird.

My grandma died this last week. I was so close to her for my entire life and loved her dearly. She was very healthy but came down with pneumonia and for a week declined. It still is shocking. I have very few memories of my childhood between 0-10 and almost all of them I have involve her and her...

My current T has helped me so much with this. My first T taught me what it was but I met with her for 2 years and was never “in the room” so I didn’t make progress. My current t triggered me fairly early on and the dissociation was so intense (tunnel vision. Loss of hearing. Couldn’t move for...

I find email invaluable in situations like these. I don’t overuse it, and I’m fortunate that my T invites and seems to appreciate that sort of communication. If I leave and something feels undone, or if I needed more time to process a question, I’ll drop her an email after. She’ll usually...

I’m glad you went. I’ve been following along on this thread and relating to some of it. I have a major issue with humor. My T always tells me I could be a stand up comic. I see myself more as relentlessly sarcastic. Some people get it. Some don’t. Fortunately my T has a similar sense of humor...

Just yesterday I met with my T during the middle of what have been a couple of inconsistent months due to our schedules. I emailed ahead to tell her what I needed to bring up but admitted I was feeling disconnected from her- not mad, just defensive and guarded. When I came into her office she...

You handled it like a rock star. Are you kidding? If that happened around me I would be totally frozen. I would never report it to anyone. I feel like that’s super brave of you and I’m sorry that happened. Be kind to the parts of yourself that are triggered. ?

That’s a good point. Thank you. I do think we have a balance. I feel like we are a really good match and in almost all ways (everyone has their flaws) she feels like a perfect fit. I think this is all me, and yes, protective for sure. @lux. thank you. I do always fear I’m making it up for...