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Greetings The one account that was in her name but we shared is going to be closed, and she is moving everything to her late mothers account. I will not have any privileges on the new account. She has made the comment that she can not live by herself because she does not make enough money...

All my posts are us and how 'I' got here, you can pick any messages at random and see a common theme. But now it seems to me she does not want to deal with is ahead of me, where ptsd, suicide thoughts that were acted on.

Greetings Today we were watching TV's deadliest catch, and I said maybe I should go to Alaska to earn some money { spent a year there in the 70's}. She said ... you can go anywhere you want ..... I have yet to respond to the comment. Are we done? look up my other posts under my name...

Greetings All I got my drivers license in the 1970's, and have driven almost 2 million miles then the unthinkable happened last night....... I got my first speeding ticket. Back in the 80's I was a Federal Officer and I learned that there is nothing worse than a LE officer with nothing to do...

Greetings It seems that the Mrs. is circling her own drain... this afternoon she said she needed to get out of the house and was going for a drive. I do not have a problem with this because I do the same thing, I have a route to follow roads that are one lane paved roads and 30mph is too...

Greetings Two month anniversary of my New birthday, and here is what happened..... First a coworker gave me a serious hug, now my personal space is well guarded. And she surprise me..... I must say the hug felt ... honest..... The other thing that happen was a call to the VA hotline, and...

RED and Forbidden Planet G

Greetings I just watched a favorite movie, Forbidden Planet. It has do to do with the 'ID' that is part of all of us. And how the stuff 'we' don't think about has such an impressive control of our actions or things we think of what we want to do. Granted it is a very old sci-fi movie, but I...

Depends on your definition of fine is. When I attempted no body suspected that I would take this step, but I did. Obviously it didn't take, so I spent a week in psych lock up.... So now I'm involved into more scrutiny as to my daily routine, and this sucks being watched all the time. I just...

Greetings Last night 2 AM Saw a young deer and slowed down and started tapping the horn, it was confused and finally went into the corn field. about 10 minutes later, caught a glimpse if low eye reflection and start to slow down, turns out to be two young raccoons and I come to a stop...

Seems that this episode has pushed me back into the darker side. My work travels have me scanning the roadway as if there are snipers hidden in the berms just waiting to attack me. When will I find any type of peace of mind...... G

Greetings I didn't think about others one way or another when I flipped those switches in my mind that sent me down the suicidal path ..... However lack of planning and going on impulse let me live, but not without consequences because I was a psyc lock up and my Mrs is now bearing...

Greetings A month or so ago a squirrel got hit right in front of me, the fall out from that event was like being body slammed onto a concrete floor. The other day while on the road a chipmunk got hit by the car infront of me and probably had its frpnt shoulder crushed, but the agony it...

Greetings Another week done and we all seem to have reached a equilibrium, like I said I work overnights and drive 300 to 500 miles a night. But when I come in at the end of my run, I do catch sideways glances, the scar on my arm is obvious but that was a secondary effort. I walk...

Greetings A friend of mine made the observation that I seem to project a strange calmness since beimg released from the psyc unit. Is this unique? G

Greetings Well that was kinda awkward, found out someone had genuine concern for my absence and the rest didn't even notice. I work overnights so my human contact is minimal. Funny thing is that I don't give a rats ass anymore. G

Well well well, two weeks ago I was spending my first night in a psyc lockdown facility... I'm out now and have spawned 3 new lives that need attention all the time. Meds are now the the thing to get right, in my eyes..... They want to strap me into a chair and piss me off... While I go...

Greetings Now on lexapro and stopped celexa, Started to hurt myself, making do fine cuts on my arm. Hence the Mrs change. Starting to feel better, the Mrs is neutral on this. G

New med, Celxia 40mg being replaced by. Lexapro 20 mg. Other meds remain the same. G

Getting closer ... G

Greetings We have been together over 12 years, her issue is OCD and is getting worse, but will not seek medical attention, and she has insurance, her demons are still locked up, and does not want to take a chance of letting them loose. Mine are having a rodeo today, netter than the circus...

The cat knocked over a beverage, caught most of it, but the mrs blamed me for having it on the table beside me, I will not fight for fear of loosing control and say things the normality woud never say. This is when the urge to hurt myself is very strong. G

Ggreetings If you have watched old war movies that have air combat scenes, there is the plane that just explodes. Then there is the one that is in a tail spin and the pilot cant get out..... or he does get out but is shot in mid air... and theres the two planes that ram each other. I figure...

Greetings Already on meds, this is new territory for me. G

Greetings The mrs feels that my ptsd is not all that big of a deal.... she has OCD. So I started to experiment on how to hurt myself, coworkers have noticed my injuries. Going to fess up to my Dr Monday morning that I have moved on to a more dangerous level, where I'm expendable..... G