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April 25, 2021 I feel so alone in this moment. I’m sitting next to my husband, but he is snoring away as if it’s just a normal day. There’s no fixing things with him because it’s, “...not that bad.” Yet, I know how I feel, and I recognize when he tries to manipulate me.

April 16, 2021 I know it’s been a minute since I posted, but here I am again. Today’s feelings are disappointment and realization. Disappointment because I truly made a mistake in choosing a husband/father and the truth I discovered when he thought I was asleep. It was probably about 5:30...

Ugh, the rejection is so painful. I feel you! For so long - and still - I never feel like I’m enough. But, I also ask myself, “Why would someone who claims to love me let me suffer repeated rejection? Especially, when that’s the very thing he is afraid of.” A person who truly loves in a...

Yes. There is a short story called, “The Yellow Wallpaper” that truly puts gaslighting into perspective. Here’s a link if you want to listen:

I need to believe in myself. I have learned many skills over the years, but I’ve allowed others to use intimidation and manipulation to make me feel otherwise.

March 31, 2021 Trapped Squeezed my heart until no breath Then ripped it from beneath my chest Imprisoned though I’d done no crime Made sure what’s yours is never mine Obey the rules you call the shots Slim my winnings from your slots Alone and lonely I should be You love to watch it killing me

Wanting the person who’s vowed to love you keep their promise is something I’m all too familiar with. I’ve been with my husband since 96, and he refuses to compromise no matter what I do. The devotion and admiration I once had have been punished from my heart by his neglect and emotional...

I’ve tried to leave 3 times over the past two years, each time he uses something to manipulate me to stay: first us was our daughter then his mother’s broken heart and the last was suicide. I HATE conflict and confrontation; that’s where I lose control of my F,F,F,F mechanisms. T suggested I...

I want to leave my husband, but I’m terrified. I am so scatterbrained that I don’t even know where to start after I tell him. T says I should start with a conversation with him, but what if he threatens suicide again? How can I find a place to live when my finances are a wreck? 15 years ago...

March 26, 2021 Alone again. I swear the man hates me, or I just bore him. He’s either gone or sleeping when I’m around. It’s looking more and more like it’s time for me to go despite my terrified, anxious heart. I started checking out apartments today, but no one’s gonna rent to me. Between...

March 26, 2021 There is a light switch in my house that triggers me into an emotional flashback; I’ve asked that no one use, but this morning I heard it and jumped out of the bed - ugh! I swear it’s because he’s mad that he has to get himself to work now. Just reminding me that he wants me to...

March 25, 2021 After nearly 25 years of tears; pleading; therapy and the right meds, I realize I no longer love him. I believe - finally - that I deserve better. I told T today that after a physical encounter (brought on as a manipulation tactic), the feelings of love; devotion and admiration...

March 23, 2021 I feel empty and disgusted today. Now that I understand how I was brainwashed into relying on someone else’s approval, the hard part is going to be undoing it. I was duped at birth by my father and duped while I was dating my husband. My insides churn realizing I was an easy...

March 21, 2021 Let the mind games begin... After telling my husband I am not responsible for getting him to work, he’s being extreeeemely nice to me. We even had sex for the first time in months! However, I’m not going to let him play Gapetto. I’m cutting the puppet strings one by one until...

March 20, 2021 This song is so relatable! The Fixer by Brent Morgan

I hope you feel better 🤗

March 18, 2021 Finally! I have been heard! I’m not gonna be intimidated anymore. I’m going back to school, I’m getting my independence, and eventually, my life back. I’ve been belittled, degraded, neglected and disrespected for far too long. I understand now what my husband’s ex went...

Today, I am feeling empowered. I told my husband last night, “I am not, have not, will never be responsible for getting you to work because you are an adult.” Even though I got the silent treatment this morning, I smiled because I see what he’s doing. I will not be intimidated into being his...

I’m sorry you had to go through that. I am glad that you are healing.

March 14, 2021 I’m a tornado of emotions: anger, frustration, sadness, worthlessness. I just want to be heard, my feelings validated. Anytime I try to express my feelings about my trauma, I’m met with defense, guilt-trips, gaslighting and [“I’m tired of hearing it!] or, “I‘ve already...

HUGE Decision: Two days ago, I decided to go back to school. Yesterday, I got accepted into Rochester University for their accelerated Bachelor of Science in Psychology program. Regardless of how anyone close to me feels about it, I’m proud of myself for wanting to gain my independence back 😊

Angry, hurt, shattered, alone I’ve been treated like I’m not important by my parents and now by my spouse. I feel like my soul has been shattered into so many pieces I’ll never be whole again. I have no support system, I’m working through emotional flashbacks and current emotional...

I’ve been on Zoloft for close to a week now. I experienced some of what you describe the first couple of days. I had an emotional flashback on day 4 that had me feeling pure terror. It took me a couple of days to get through it, but I’m feeling better now. I also have depersonalization and...

March 5, 2021 I have a to of writing to add; however, I left my notebook at home 😫 I will definitely be posting more at some point, but for now I’ll keep it recent. I started taking Zoloft Wednesday evening. I slept all day Thursday like I hadn’t slept in eons. I’m surprised my ‘doting’...

February 28, 2021 It’s the end of the month; and while most folks are figuring which bills are due, I’m trying to dump two decades worth of a responsibility that was never mine in the first place. I attempted subtly, but he kinda blew that off. I guess I just need to say it, “I’m not and have...