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I read right past that! Awesome!?

That's amazing! Congratulations! That is no easy feat, lots of hard work involved. You should be proud of yourself!

It's not just you. I can see the signs for weeks, generally. Guess what, sometimes you can make it "easier", but not usually. Generally, there's nothing you can do to stop it. Sometimes I just tell him that I can see he's stressing, so if he wants some time to chill on his own, let me know...

Good stress is still stress. Big plans around a big day can be a lot to deal with....especially if he's worried about living up to expectations. You yourself described it as a "pivotal moment". That phrasing alone elicits pretty strong undertones. Maybe not making as huge of a deal out of it and...

It's good to vent. Glad the pity party is cancelled because I would have to RSVP no anyway. ?But we're here...and we get it. Oh boy, do we get it!

I generally use humor as a survival tactic...it's helped so far!

I know I had a period in my past that I spent a portion of my life living that way. I felt like I was doomed to relive trauma over and over and over, that I tuned out so I didn't commit the bad "S" word. It was total survival. I think it happened for a long time after my grandfather passed (he...

You're very welcome! I had to think of it this way to wrap my mind around it myself.

It's not necessarily abusive in the general sense of the term. Co dependency is rarely "healthy", but not inherently bad. Codependency has existed, in fact, for generations honestly. It just wasn't talked about. So there are three ways to relate to other people, in general: Independent: where...

I think it's a "co dependency" because really, both are addicts in their own way...they depend on each other for their "fix". The person doesn't always even have to be an enabler. One person is the dependent, the other the co-dependent because their dependency is related to the other's...

So interesting, but I think I get it totally. That really is the other side of the coin on why trying to talk about it after the fact just really doesn't work. Generally for him, if we talk about it during un-symptomatic times, he withdraws a bit, because it makes him feel poorly about himself...

I have a double black belt in avoiding and dissociation! I need to work on that for sure!

Hugs, if you accept! I'm glad to read your "report". It seems like you're doing awesome job! Do what makes you happy!

I agree completely. Your entire post was eloquent, and....brilliant!

Yeah, I suppose it's pretty common place especially in today's day and age. I don't know how much "awe" there should be, lol. I guess that the other side of it is, he's been very good to me over the years. I had 3 brain surgeries. He took off work and took care of me for the second two. (we had...

Oh good! I'm glad you feel that way! It's so hard to be left alone to feel that way in today's society. Even in my "support group" that I'm likely taking a vacation from for a while...I felt judged for being willing to let "him do him" for the time being. So what if it might not work...

I hear you! I believe this is how he feels too. I try to be casual...as casual as possible. I try my best to understand. I try my best to let him be free while I "hold down the fort". I'm actually pretty okay with it too. Sometimes it makes me feel strong, and I don't always get to feel strong...

Oh dear, I'm sorry if I came off as offended. I'm just outspoken. I'm not offended in the least! I like the exchange, personally! If you meant best for the sufferer, I agree...and that's perfectly okay for them to have their own needs. I feel really bad for making you think I was angry, I'm...

Yep...Pretty close to what I hear as well. Before his son and me, he admits he would go grocery shopping for supplies then lock himself away from the world for a week/weeks at a time. But now he realizes he can't because he's got sole custody of his son. I've been "mom" for the last 8.5 years...

Well, that's confusing, huh? I hope maybe you can work through that for your own health. Sorry I can't be more helpful with that.... Yikes! That could very well be. But, sorry to say, it's pretty fundamental to your health. It's honestly the foundation to all of it, as much as that can suck to...

Best for who in this scenario? The sufferer or supporter? I think here enlies the biggest disconnect of this entire conversation. You see, it seems the best to the survivor...but NOT the supporter. In other words, this happens because the sufferer assumes that it's the best. The reality is, that...

For me I'm thinking of it as going through a deployment again...because we do stay in contact, but it's at a "safe" distance emotionally, and somewhat physically. It feels very similar to the same as that. We've been doing this for 8.5 years...it's cyclical. I feel like I'm going to vomit on the...

I swear, I wish I knew you IRL! We would drink so much coffee and hang out at the farm! I just "get" you. I can't tell if it's because I relate to you as a PTSD woman, or if I relate to you because you're so much like him...hmmmmm maybe a mixture of both! Knowing that you've been where we are...

Friday....phrased beautifully! I like to think of things that way in my situation too. I stick around because I'm confident after all this time, I know him pretty well, and I still love him because of it - ALL OF IT. I'm amazed by him and fall further in love with him every day we get to be...

Thanks, Eve! It really bothers me, because it hinders the ability to get help for a lot of people. It also hinders the supporters from getting enough support for their self care as well. I personally think that is pretty important!