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Ugggggh....so many good insights and questions! @Justmehere thank you so much for all this thoughtful feedback. I trust you know that this whole thing is just breaking my brain....:banghead: So--yes: caregivers "disclosing" way too much--in fact so much it could be called abuse. And yes, they...

I could use some advice on this one as I'm struggling mightily. My T--who indeed I do cherish and have been seeing now for about 20 months--wants me to spend "even a nanosecond" more time feeling the bad trauma-related feelings (which are sexual, developmental, and interpersonal in nature). At...

Perfectly said @Friday ....

I relate so much, @DeepRedViolets to your description of your husband trying to caress your hip. I get it and I am sad to say that I know what that feels like--that struggle with yourself, the blame, that feeling in your skin, and the awareness that you can't make yourself stop rejecting that...

This is so honorable and loving, @Phantom Shadow . Thank you for this post.

I had one of my most disconnected therapy sessions ever this week. It was after a week-long holiday break and I think that threw me off, made me feel like my t was too foreign to me or something...in fact I even felt like she looked different (I dont think she really did) and this made me...

YUCK!!!!!! You deserve better.

I dread being triggered sexually and feel such shame and guilt for it when I am--because I know I get stuck and it's hard to dig out. I lash out at my partner and I disconnect, get lost in myself. It's a sh*tty, hopeless feeling as I know everyone here knows. I guess the hope I have has to do...

I'm a big devotee of carrying around little notes...I save so many scraps of paper...and this one I'd for sure keep close, @Panda Bear ...! It's a beautiful thing, not creepy at all. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2SPNT1lwBg&feature=youtu.be Mad respect for Patti Smith getting overwhelmed singing "A Hard Rain's Gonna Fall" at the Nobel ceremony...admitting she's so nervous...starting over...and then just crushing it with such feeling and pain....wow...

....Now tell me how all about you is about me.

Let me tell you all about you...

What you've written here is perfect material for therapy: my advice is to print it out and to bring it to your next session. Yes, that'll be hard and awkward--and yes, that is the work of therapy. I have many times felt like crawling under or behind the couch during a session. This means you're...

Your mention of your brother here, @Leighlee87 really resonates with me. As the older sister I think back to what my brother endured in our home growing up and it's just crystal clear for me how no person--no child--could have not been shaped deeply and painfully by what my father dished out at...

This is such a beautiful thread, really--such a good example of what makes this site so potentially healing. In my case the thought process is typically "a stronger person wouldn't have been so impacted" by x or y or z. I sometimes get hit with waves of realization, "oh, that was actually...

Oh yes @551 , for sure re thinking less of the person who is giving the compliment...as in "you've been tricked"....and maybe I kind of then lose some respect. An ugly and disappointing cycle. I'm working on it--it's really hard stuff though--and I hope you're patient with yourself.

Yep. We already have started talking about it because for me it's like being dropped in some kind of black void....freaks me out, panic, total brain fog....really hard. I've been working with this T 1.5 yrs now and it's intensified as I think I've gotten more attached. Hurts like hell. I am so...

Good for you @barefoot ...you're definitely inspiring me. Working on the shame: for me that feels like admitting the thing to my T that makes me feel or look childish...I'm typically very ashamed of those feelings, needs, impulses, "weaknesses" (as I typically relate to them). That's where my...

I read a bit of the pdf you posted and I can see how I am still early in this process...I have to say that this all I think requires 1) huge amounts of patience (which is so hard since I know we are all always fighting the shame) and 2) a really special therapeutic relationship. The best we can...

@barefoot I can relate: my T and I have slid back to having to work on our relationship after a couple sessions in which we started to touch more closely on traumatic material including my having some auditory flashback during session. I could just not stay with it, ugggh it was awful, and feel...

"cruise boat special to Hell Island"........soooooo not funny but.....funny....! ;)

"Basically all roads lead back to me. Whatever you are, however you turned out, good or bad...all me and my decisions." (That'd be the narcissistic mom brand, in case anyone was wondering....)

"Your purpose in life is to showcase...me!"

It's true, @Hanala ...I find I have a lot of sadness over my awareness of these issues. I'm not delusional, or incapable of understanding intellectually what is happening with me, but undoing the conditioned responses is hard and slow work. I do mourn these challenges in myself when I realize...

Fears: she will pity me for my weakness, for buying into my own selfishness/self pity. At the same time I fear I'll be overwhelmed and overwhelming, and she won't know how to help me. I'll have put her in a weird and uncomfortable position--how can she comfort me when I'm too much? I imagine her...