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I have many times told my therapist that I was done, that there's nothing else she could do for me. But then I come up with something new. But this is after 25 years of mostly spinning my wheels in therapy. Most of those therapists never got past my distrust. I sure wish I could have found a...

The first time I heard the term "impending doom" my brother used it. He was joking, in a sense, but he had experienced what I had. I can see him now with that sense of impending doom, well managed, but very much entrenched. I've managed mine well too. I just push it away. That works until I...

If I could desensitize myself out of this I (without doing additional work) would have done so a long time ago. I've been on the fringe most of my life. Now I'm getting involved with several groups where they really appreciate me. Its nerve racking. I get the feeling I'm going to get...

I remembering watching a documentary on the psychological effects of trench warfare in WW1. They filmed men with this awful physical twisting that was mesmerizing to watch. I could relate to that look of bafflement on their faces. My personal "hysteria" never got that bad, but it got bad...

You are right. The staff here does a good job at keeping out trolls. I'm getting so much from this forum and I'm grateful it's here. I was tired of people minimizing other's posts, so I "maximized" a post. I'm not surprised by the response by @anthony but wish he could have got to know me...

I couldn't figure out, at 6 years old, why I was being touched the way I was. I was sick, and thought my grandfather was using an anal thermometer. Found out later that's how he treated all of his children/grandchildren. Wretched man, he was.

I wrote this post in frustration. I was really tired of people who posted that other people needed to get over it, or were exaggerating. I was tired of posts that said people on this forum, or elsewhere were fake, or making up their symptoms. I was tired of the posts where people were...

Wow, that's pretty wild. I was 27 when the poop hit the fan for me. I was lucky in that I was in the military and had a lot of structure to rely on. I was unlucky in that the military didn't really know how to handle PTSD that wasn't combat related. (I don't think they dealt with PTSD was...

I don't use processing much as a description of what I go through. Its way to vague. The result is somewhat easer to describe. I've developed a lot of internal resources, created structure and context for remembering and integrating damaged memories, and become much more aware and accepting...

Note: none of this is an exaggeration. Dissociation comes after getting a whack of emotional abuse so painful that it feels like any interaction with anyone ever again will kill me. Dissociation is like turning to iron so hard that I don't have the option to ever talk to anyone like I talked...

My experience is that the trauma ripped at who I was. It changed how I remembered my abuser.

I blow those guys off. For me PTSD has a side effect of ripping language apart. So I make a lot of mistakes describing what I'm going through. Those who are quick to judgment might say I'm using terms lightly, when in reality I'm in too much pain or confusion to be as descriptive as they want.