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Another of my favourites -

It seems I was wrong, apparently I do have more to say today - Rape, I hate that word. I hate it for what it means and stands for. I hate that it is so short, four little letters to describe an event that would change my life forever. I could write it in capitals, RAPE, but it still doesn't do...

Thank you @Echo No energy to write today. Just feeling like giving up. Hoping work will pull me out of this pit I seem to be in. Today's aim: Eat breakfast and keep it down.

It is interesting to hear from others. I spend so much of my time trying to hide what is going on with me that I have found I am very aware of what my body is doing and feeling a lot of the time. I don't know if this has contributed to my awareness of these early signs.

I keep swinging back and forth on this. A huge part of me wants to take all your advice and tell him but another part of me is too afraid. I have no idea how I would even bring it up! Every time I settle myself on telling him I find an excuse.

Another flashback written, remembered. It helps a little to write them, a way of getting them out of my head. I will share it now, please be warned of unpleasant content. One drags me up and pushes himself in my face. He tells me to open my mouth, I clench my jaw to try to stop it, he hits...

I had my call from the Trauma Doctor today. They have agreed that I would benefit from their help. The normal next step is a 6 week group course to learn about PTSD it's symptoms, it's causes, grounding techniques etc. The groups are normally a mixture of 6 people both male and female however...

I have retreated to a cat room now for a cuddle having just had a flashback. Part of me wants to sit down and process it but I know I am not in the right place to do that at the moment. I am tempted to go home, I think I need to write about it but my friend is struggling today and I don't want...

:hug: For @Echo and @Hope4Now

Does anybody else get them? I have regular short flashbacks, snippets of time but I have also had the occasional big flashback where I relive a large portion of the main trauma I went through (sorry I am not good at writing the word). For a few days before I get warnings, a pressure on my...

Oh @ghotiff I don't know what to stay to help but if you'll accept them I can send hugs :hug: You didn't sell your soul, someone took advantage of a 7 year old's innocence, someone who should have known better. This isn't your fault.

I can't really speak about PTSD and work as I am currently burying myself in work to limit my time alone with little distractions and help me to push what is happening away. However, I have been off for 4 months in the past when I injured my knee. At first I hated it, really really hated it. I...

I didn't make a morning post today; I didn't feel up to it. I have been to work today and kept myself busy but it feels like I am just going through the motions. My manager asked me yesterday to see if my bad days are directly connected to the nights when my old dog has a seizure (he is prone...

Took my youngsters for a nice long walk in the countryside this weekend. The old boy was with my Dad.

I see what you all mean by how my Dad would feel if he finds out further down the line how much I am struggling. I realise even more now how lucky I am to have him in my life when you all speak about your families. Prior to the things I have been through I had a good family life and a happy...

Not a bad day today. Started with my manager catching me in the office first thing to ask how I am. I told her most of it but not all, she doesn't need to know everything. I went to the doctors. I told her how much worse I am since Friday and how much I am not sleeping. I did zone part way...

Right today is a new day and it is time for a fresh outlook. My manager is back in so I have to get some form of normality about my behaviour. I am supposed to be booking a doctors appointment for some point today. A massive part of me doesn't want to since I get so stressed out going but at...

I love my Dad. I am so very lucky to have him. He is a fabulous man who cares so deeply for his family. We speak every other day on the the phone for an hour. I can quite happily spend hours just talking about stuff with him even if I only saw him the day before. He will do anything for me and...

I am curious as to who here have told their families about their PTSD? I have had several people comment to me that it is surprising that my family do not know what is going on with me at the moment. I generally reply I have my reasons and refuse to say more. The main reason is that my Dad...

Today I have given in to how bad I am feeling. I have worked all day but now I am home I have just let it all go. I have been fighting and fighting and fighting to come across as ok to people but I don't have the energy. I have tried not to wallow in any misery, tried to keep my head up and keep...

I have realised something. After being told off for displaying certain PTSD related behaviours, most notably hyper vigilance and lack of eye contact, I have become more isolated. The reason I displayed these behaviours towards my manager is because I felt comfortable enough around her to not...

Still bad this morning. Seriously considering not going to work but I don't want to let anyone down. It's a bank holiday so there are only four staff members in and I'm running the place. I haven't slept very well and every noise makes me jump. The budgies woke up early this morning and where...

Trying to go to sleep but I am worried about tomorrow. I haven't managed to get any form of control over my anxiety or the hyper vigilance which are just stuck in a loop of making things worse. I'm really worried that someone will comment on the hyper vigilance at work tomorrow and my manager...

Thank you Echo I'll have a look at those sites and books. I have taken the dogs on a two hour walk, it was lovely. The advantage of living in the middle of nowhere is I can walk for miles and not see a single soul. By the time I got back I had calmed down enough to mow the garden. I'm knackered...

I am so drained from yesterday. It seems every time I stop something happens. My brain is out of control. I have so much to do today but I am too tired to do it, just keeping myself together is taking all my concentration. I have work tomorrow I need to stop this before then. Today's aim: Mow...