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humans are herd animals. humans share shelter and food and happiness and grief. nonconformity is punished. if you won't conform to the herds wishes, the herd will reject you. f*ck the herd.

Overwhelming stimuli bothers me a lot. Only thing that helps me is grounding with a small fan. The cool breeze is light, just enough to feel but not enough to overwhelm. Can't have music, can't have video, can't read, too stressed/distressed to walk it off, but the fan helps a lot.

I'm literate and angry.

So that Others May Live by Hank Whittenmore and Caroline Hebbard, a bio/documentary about Hebbard's involvement and role in establishing Search and Rescue Animals in the US.

Greetings from Ravenclaw.

Mirtazipine works well for me. Been on mirtazipine for a few years and had a dosage increase a few months ago. Effect on sleep: about 15 minutes after taking it, I get ultra groggy and sleep comes easily. Sleep varies between tolerable (5 hours) to good (9 hours). The groggy period only...

Crisis averted. I didn't fail. How can typing fingers be so threatening? Plenty of room to fail tomorrow. Single-egg cast iron pans are ridiculous.

decision making can come back over time. with practice one can differentiate between the anxiety and one's own cognition. self-punitive measures doesn't seem a productive course. destructive thinking is the disorder. seek constructive.

the same thing we feel every night, pinky. tired and scared.

teeth.

Shower. Walk. Coffee.

I'm sad for what you're going through. Don't wait for things to improve 'cause waiting takes too much time. find little ways to take control in a Non-Destructive way. when I spiraled out, I rebuilt by focusing on coffee: make myself coffee, once every day. When that was easy, I added...

Therapy is rough. Gratz for working with a therapist. Perhaps your therapist believes you deeply need to express pain or grief. Expressing ourselves can be a pretty big hurdle. If crying isn't your thing, tell her. "I don't cry. I'm feeling pressured by you." Maybe that would be a good...

:) thank you

medication. a supporter who can make sense of the world. a usb gadget that works as intended. water with lime.

cutting down on caffeine might worsen your symptoms. caffeine can (marginally) improve functioning for ADD sufferers. ADD isn't psychological. we don't get over it by trying hard or developing coping skills. I would never, ever give up my Concerta. Give up coherent thought? Not ever.

Sometimes "self care" is doing something positive for ourselves when we don't want to or feel disinterested. What I feel can distract from what I need. I use ambient rain sounds, short walks, and atmospheric gaming (morrowind). When I can, I read.

good work going to the gym. i'd probably sit and stare at the phone for an hour. nothing wrong with the client deciding 15 minutes waiting was enough. but i wouldn't request an apology or explanation - if its interoffice politics etc., telling me would be effectively disclosing or prolonging...

Roses again. The stone wall helped the image. I've been trying to get pictures of wildflowers, but the well-lit wildflowers are always growing beside someone's lane or property.

Just learned this today: reading a book, and writing a summary of it after every couple paragraphs. It is remarkable. I am no longer having a bad day.

i realize i'm having a shitty day. everything goes wrong and when/where is starting to become fluid. and i just realized i can turn on a fan for grounding. let's do that.

Strongly pro-medicate. I reached a point last year where I decided that my personal preferences weren't as important as lessening the burden on people close to me. Perhaps work with the psychiatrist to try different medications. I'm not blurred, fuzzy, or hindered by my current combination -...

electric fan. the fluttering breeze forces my brain to pay attention to external stimuli but it's not an overwhelming experience.

don't have a name for it but happens to me, too. the physical nature doesn't change, but how i relate to it changes. building hallway becomes a different hallway. park path becomes a path i used as a child. it is... odd.

my psychiatrist is an idiot. my psychiatrist's office is staffed by idiots. this new coffee is not a change for the better. latest psychiatrist issue will work out with moderate application of pressure. i don't eat enough beans.